hi fellow friendship struggler. i'm similar in needing to check in with those i feel care for me frequently otherwise i get paranoid. i had to check in with one online friend today though and ask if i was draining on her and she admitted i was the last few days. im thinking it's fear of being alone / abandonment, but whatever. i work on it. also sober here 3 years and wishing you the best. im 35 and at 29 my head was spinning with drugs and alcohol, single parenting in a dangerous neighborhood, no car, no job and all the wrong doctors and medications invaliding the * out of my reactions. many, many times i was told that it was good i was so angry because then i'd leave bad situations sooner, wrong. and i'd get more help if i was angry because i'd advocate for myself, nope. no one likes an angry feral person, promise you and if they do well... they best be trained professional like my current psychologist who has seriously helped me feel safe and not need to have a lot of the old responses i thought were my fault and i was a monster, bad etc.
Yes, people with relational trauma like cPTSD struggle more with healthy relationships than those who don't. Point blank. Yes, you seem to be impulsive acting and manic, alcohol 100% will help you continue that behavior - so, don't - but I know I couldn't until I had the right supports, so I'm not judging for relapses either. Still have my fair share of relationship relapses, but alcohol always made things worse despite how freeing it was to just finally not feel every single thing.
How to stop your behaviors you don't like from affecting your cool new lady friend? Keep seeking support. Here, irl groups or one on one, I personally use AI and use lists of 'self care' things and my own 'safety plans' on my phone. So, learning yourself just like you are and taking time to respond if you're feeling strong emotions.
Good luck, here rooting for your wellness
Yes, people with relational trauma like cPTSD struggle more with healthy relationships than those who don't. Point blank. Yes, you seem to be impulsive acting and manic, alcohol 100% will help you continue that behavior - so, don't - but I know I couldn't until I had the right supports, so I'm not judging for relapses either. Still have my fair share of relationship relapses, but alcohol always made things worse despite how freeing it was to just finally not feel every single thing.
How to stop your behaviors you don't like from affecting your cool new lady friend? Keep seeking support. Here, irl groups or one on one, I personally use AI and use lists of 'self care' things and my own 'safety plans' on my phone. So, learning yourself just like you are and taking time to respond if you're feeling strong emotions.
Good luck, here rooting for your wellness
