Messages

Thank you, I'm so glad to be here. I'm reading lots of posts and they are immensely helpful. Its so nice to find a group that understands.

Good for you to get away from them and for documenting the abuse with bullet points. It's difficult to think straight and see things clearly when you have CPTSD.  It helps to write things down. I have a socio path, an NPD and BPD in my immediate family. I had an uncle (npd's brother) who was schizophrenic. I think all these disorders are genetic. I was the viciously abused scapegoat but I didn't develop a personality disorder yet non abused people did. I inherited a healthy brain from my father.

I'm sorry to hear about your insomnia. I can relate; I struggled with chronic insomnia for decades. It's much better now that I'm in recovery from my childhood abuse but I want to recommend Mirtazapine. Taken in very low dosage it acts as a sleep aide. It's non habit forming and very gentle.

I've always struggled with this saying. I used to watch Dr. Phil a lot and he would say it. I wanted to learn how to teach people how to treat me but I had no idea how to do that. Again, it seemed like the whole world understood a concept that I could not begin to understand. I was always trying to have confidence and be like everyone else but I was too damaged. And I didn't even understand what had happened to me yet.

I think music saved me as a child. It's where I got love and humanity. It made me believe that people were good and understood me which was counter to the horrific abuse I was receiving from my mom.

Everyone in my immediate family has a personality disorder.  Mom and brother are both NPD; well not entirely sure what he's got but he's a convicted felon with 10 years in penitentiary, flunked out of 4th grade, never finished high school, always fascinated with doing bad things, breaking the law.  He likes sneaking around and doing illegal stuff. He's always lived a high risk life. He is super abusive with his girlfriends but mostly he rages and rages when something minor doesn't go his way. He's arrogant and extremely thin skinned and just an all around ugly person.  He's my mom's golden child and he can do no wrong in her eyes. My daughter has Borderline Personality Disorder which has been biologically linked to NPD. My mom had a brother with schizophrenia.  I think all this mental illness is genetic.  I inherited my fathers happy, healthy brain and somehow I survived horrific abuse at the hands of my mother. Out of all the people mentioned I was the severely abused one yet I'm the one who didn't develop a personality disorder.  Its genetic!

Hi All,
My mother is a horrible NPD and my dad very passive but an incredible person.  I was such a great kid, did well in school, loved learning, popular, happy and loving but all that was beat out of me emotionally and physically.  By the time I finally got away from my mom my whole personality had changed.  One summer, My mom had refused to take me to the doctor and finally my friends had to ask her to take me. I had a nervous breakdown from being so sick so long and having her scream at me daily as I lay on sofa and got worse and worse.  I dropped 20lbs in a month, cried all the time.  I was a zombie who followed my first boyfriend around and just did whatever he did.  I couldn't think or sleep or eat. After a couple of years I recovered but the chronic insomnia, inability to eat or regulate my emotions and social anxiety went on for decades.  I had to force myself to eat and I could only sleep with valium and then for four hours and would wake up in a panic.  It was sheer * for decades.  I didn't find out my mom was NPD until I was in my early 50s and it blew my mind that she was the freak, not me.  I always thought something was dreadfully wrong with me, why else would my own mother hate me so much?  Its been slow going getting over the cognitive dissonance but when my Dad died (he was the only one who treated me well and I loved him so), I was finally able to start grieving this horrendous childhood and all the * I went through. it was super cathartic and now I sleep well, I eat too much, lol.  My mom has dementia and has lost her ability to dominate and control.  I actually confronted her with her behavior.  Boy, did it feel good but for the next month or so, she had a narcissistic collapse and screamed and threatened to cut me out of the will 100 times.  Anyway, there's more to the story about my golden child brother, convicted felon who spent 9 years in the penitentury,is super abusive and rages for hours at the slightest perceived slight. I don't have a formal diagnosis on him but his rages and extremely hateful behavior make me think he has some kind of personality disorder. I live far away from both of them. I am happy and living life to the fullest. I can connect with people and don't feel afraid of them anymore.  I realize I'm as good as everyone else. We can heal from this and live good lives and that's what I intend to do.