Messages

Thank you for your responses!

Now that I've been sitting with these feelings for a bit I realize that some people in the group found me to be really cryptic and difficult to read, which I understand and recognize since I can be read that way by people who don't know me well.

I understand this probably discouraged them from trying to see my point of view and made them think I just didn't like them, but it just feels like a huge step back since I've known a lot of them for several years now and I've told them that my behavior is just a way for me to feel safe around situations I'm not sure how to navigate. And well, I tried to be very reassuring during our friendship but I see that maybe the way I did it wasn't one that works well for them.

It's sad, but I know I will be okay and I'll be able to move on from this. Thanks again for your words   

Had to end some friendships recently and I feel so alone. Last year I suddenly started feeling really unsafe around most of my social circle, which resulted in me having frequent nightmares and panic attacks. I experienced a lot of emotional abuse, explotation and coercion from "friends" in my past so it's very difficult for me to thrive in groups, but I really did try to do things correctly this time and I tried to reach out and work on minimizing my triggers, but it all felt useless.

These past few weeks have been horrible for me so me and my partner talked to one of my closest friends and told her that I just don't feel like I can stay in the group because of my mental health. Most of my friends struggle with mental illness, so at the very least I expected her to understand, but she didn't at all. She basically forced my partner to beg me to speak with the rest of our social circle, she was even happy to know I was struggling so badly, I know she didn't mean anything bad by it and that for her it reassured that I trust her but c'mon...

So I talked to my friends. They really did not get it and basically blamed me for it, they said I should've brought this up sooner even though they also struggle communicating issues and I tried to explain why that's a very hard thing for me to do, on top of the fact I did mention I wanted to set boundaries in the past... I told them I still feel deeply for them so I'd hate to lose all contact but I came home and found myself blocked by most of them... And then my closest friend confessed she doesn't think I even like her!! I've spent so much time with her and doing things for her! I feel betrayed, I feel like I never meant anything to any of them and that I'm not in on a joke everyone else knows.

I'm heartbroken, other than my partner I feel like I have no one. Nobody, absolutely nobody understands. I don't blame them for thinking being friends with me is hard, not at all, specially since I agree. But all I ask is for some acceptance and every time a situation like this happens to me I never get any. It hurts and I honestly even feel nauseous almost constantly now... I don't know what I do wrong... Does anyone relate to this? How can I deal with these feelings? Thank you

Hi Kizzie! Thanks for the welcome 

Hello! I'm Sunny, I'm new to the forum

I am not diagnosed with CPTSD as I've never, in my whole life, been to a mental health professional (My family frowns upon mental health problems so they prefer to just ignore them...) but I have reason to believe I have developed it so I'm currently researching it. I am looking to find other people with similar experiences, symptoms and just more knowledge than I have on the topic

From what I've read so far, I see it's rather common to have traumatic experiences related to family life and caregivers. My family and my relationship with my parents is very far from perfect since they both exhibit many red flags, but actually most of my trauma relates to my school life and the emotional abuse I faced from peers and friends. I have a little bit of trouble understanding what happened to me as a valid experience but I'm here, trying to acknowledge that what happened to me was traumatic, that I'm still deeply affected to it and that maybe CPTSD can finally give me an answer and ways to cope

Hope everyone has a good day and thanks for giving me this space