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I spent a lot of time alone as a kid. My parents or my sibling didn't spend time with me. I was isolated on a farm 10 miles from nowhere. But in the spring, summer and fall there were tons of birds singing in the trees outside my bedroom window. Also, I am a singer which makes birds, especially owls, a sort of mascot for me. Lately though I feel more like birdseed hence the name.

I grew up on n a home with a father who was absent, rarely spent time with me and ignored me because he was a workaholic or he was spending time with has mistress and her family. I spent my childhood trying to get his attention. My mother was angry and depressed - she wasn't there for us either. My Dad passed away early January and the whole situation with the funeral and the drama as executor of his estate is almost too much to handle. I feel anger, grief, confusion. Then my boyfriend of 3.5 years went on his third alcoholic bender and I broke up with him blocking him from contacting me. I've come to realize I have to deal with the C-PTSD I was diagnosed with 7 years ago. I'm happy I found this site. I hope this posts correctly - it's my first try.