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Messages - Just_keep_Swimming

#1
Hello! I am 26 and over the following year I have been working on my C-PTSD journey. Originally, I was diagnosed with Bipolar 2. Once I accepted and finally spoke of my childhood, things obviously changed. The answers as to why medication never worked finally hit me. I don't have an imbalance, I am traumatized and everything "wrong" with me was Soley due to my upbringing and how my brain and body grew up with what I was given. I spent my whole existence thinking I was a glitch. I literally kept telling everyone that no one fully grasps what is wrong. I am sad, lonely, disconnected. I had 0 self-love, compassion or motivation to do anything. I burned every opportunity given to me due to my inability to accept that I too deserve a great life. It wasn't until last year I was watching a Tik Tok. of all places. and a woman posted about the differences between C-PTSD and BPD. Everyone always wanted to slap BPD and Bipolar on me ... but it never made sense. When I looked up C-PTSD it was like a light bulb went off. I was diagnosed after speaking of every trauma I could remember. Up until this point I repressed and suppressed so much from age 6-26 I couldn't wrap my mind around how I could possibly have a PTSD diagnosis go unseen until now. Once I started opening up it became clear. There is absolutely nothing "wrong" with me. I wasn't loved, nurtured, cared for or given the stability and safety I needed growing up. Until I was 16 years old, I was in the grasps of my bio parent. I spent from 16-until last year lost floating through life just carrying on. Ignoring. This has been a new chapter for me. I have been no contact with my bio family on that side going on 4 years now. I am under supervision of a therapist, but I wanted to come on here and just speak with like-minded people... No one around me has C-PTSD and no one dares speak of the struggles in endured/ thoughts I still struggle with. I spent my whole life dreading my existence, now that I have that drive to live life fully, I want to engage with others who too have been lost. I hope in this Forum we find peace and acceptance.