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Yea, for some reason narcs don't like therapist, counselors, psychologists, etc. When I finally did go to therapy at 67 years of age, she said stay away from your family. Period. I knew it was not the normal to be treated like trash every day. Now I know I do matter and they are broken people that are totally clueless to their behaviors. I can only change myself, not them. I tried for many years but it did not work.

Hi - seems to me you are more than surviving at this point, you are thriving. Seems like narcs are everywhere. Same here my whole family are extremely narcissitic and in my opinion psychopathic, as they will never own up to a word they say. And, I met a malignant narc psychopath when I was 14 and he fit in quite well with my family. It took me at 40 to divorce my ex, but the gaslighting, demeaning statements, innuendos, whatever never stopped. Finally at 67 I went no contact w my 5 brothers and sisters because I developed complex ptsd and will never be the same again. I beat myself up about why didn't I know what kind of people they were, but it is a confusing scenario. Sometimes they are nice and most times sadistic and cruel. Hope you heal quickly and lead a "normal" life minus the abusers. Good luck.

Glad that you are investigating the whys of abuse. You will improve your life immensely, not to mention your wife & children too. Good luck on your journey!

You have survived a horrendous experience, it will take a while to heal from it. The best thing is talk to someone that is experienced in trauma and abuse healing. It does help to finally get validation that what you experienced was not right and you probably developed complex PTSD. Like you get in war time. It's your nervous system telling you to heal, get help and be kind to yourself, take your time and acknowledge all your feelings. I did not recognize my complex PTSD until I was 67 years old. Abuse affects you mentally and physically, which came as quite a surprise to me. Had no idea. Trust issues are most likely going to take a long time to come back. Now when I look back at my life I realize that I was really naive thinking my family and my ex husband loved me. It's better to be wary for a while until you get better. Good luck in your healing journey. Try to get in touch with domestic abuse shelters they can refer you to some counselors.

Hopefully, your healing will go smoothly. I was with my narc for over 30 years and for some reason I never recognized the extent of my family of origin's narc abuse. It was like a repressed memory, I could not believe that my family was so viscious, and on purpose. It was extreme gaslighting, emotional, psychological & verbal abuse. My mom just kept telling me they were allowed to talk like that to me. It was insane. At 67 years old, I realized I am spending the last part of my life in peace and harmony. I never shut up for over 40 years defending myself, always considered myself to be tough, etc. But unfortuately Complex ptsd happened and I recognized the extent of it. I am angry that I am not able to enjoy my later years because of this abuse. It has affected me physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Trying my best to get through. Sucks how people can really believe they have a right to make you feel bad about yourself, when they are the ones that are sick. Hope you succeed in your journey~

Horrible way to grow up, you did not deserve to be treated that way! Hopefully, you can get therapy to see your parents are the reason you experienced this treatment. Please try to find ways to be good to yourself, it helps believe me. And, most importantly stay away from your parents.

Welcome Lina! Right place to be to be healed. Thank god for the internet. Therapists are just coming to realize the impact of abuse, emotional, psychological, etc. and it feels good to know that what I experienced was very abusive, but I was just dealing with a lot of psychopathic people, who would never admit to being wrong or abusive. Hope you find peace.

Hi SolveEtCoagula - welcome! Lots of knowledge on this website. Hope you find some sort of solace. It helps to be validated by others, especially from gaslighting abuse. That was my * on earth for over 30 years. Took me until I was quite old to realize that wasn't love in any shape or form. It was hate. Therapy helps a lot too! Good luck.

Papa Coco - I am eternally grateful for the internet! Who knew all of the relevant information would be available about narcissistic bullies. It feels so good to finally be validated and acknowledged. It was a long time coming.

Welcome Lina, you found the right spot. I don't think of it as having issues, it's more likely you are the truth teller of your family. And I am glad you are getting the healing required. It gets better after a while. Just takes time. I also am trying to see more joy in life, which will come back after healing from the sadness of living with and around abusive people. So my life is currently peaceful and greatly appreciated at this time.

I am 68 years old and know that you do develop symptoms as you get older. This all occurred in 2022, after getting the covid vaccine, which is a factor. I had my heart checked out, and CT lung scan. Which shows the copd.  There is no blood work or diagnostic test for complex ptsd, just symptoms of extreme fatigue, never ever feeling capable or strong enough to do anything.  I just get in the car sometimes and go shopping, I have to use the cart to help me walk. It is incredibly debilitating. Numerous body, muscle aches and brain fog. When I asked my primary if there were tests to better diagnose the ptsd, he said no. I had no idea that years of gaslighting and emotional abuse could cause physical ailments. It a warning for people staying in these relationships, they literally leave you spiritless, and hollow.

Me too Darkhorse. I live in the Us. My trust in people is nil. I have no desire to interact with people, just my adult kids. Took me 30 years to figure out how my family of origin was just as narcissistically abusive as my malignant ex husband. But when I recently was diagnosed with complex ptsd I realized I can't be around bullies anymore. Went no contact in September 2024 and I am at peace now. But there are a lot of scars from the abuse. It was hard for me to see that my mom and 5 siblings were narcissistic psychopaths and delighted in being abusive. Never once acknowledged one word or statement. It was you are crazy, etc. My ex started it in 1994, and I finally divorced him in 1999, after being married for 25 years. But my family continued and every time I would defend myself to no avail. My mom was the type that fully enmeshed you thinking she was me, it was really sick. The worst part is everyone loved her and she played the good time Charlie part to everyone but me. She passed away in 2018 from COPD. Now I get nauseous thinking of any of them, especially my mother. My whole life was dedicated to helping her out in every way. She was at my house, with my 5 siblings 5 of out of 7 days a week. It was sadistic. Sorry to rant but it takes a long time to heal I guess. My life lesson I guess was stop being so naive and put your guard up around users, players, manipulators, and sick individuals. They mean you no good will. Hope you are able to occupy your time well. I have been doing a lot of games, puzzles and coloring mandalas on the computer. It helps me creating beautiful pictures. Happy New Year too!

Blueteddy, boy do I relate to your story. It's horrific to experience this abuse. I was the family scapegoat of a very narcissistic psychopathic family and ex-husband. I divorced my ex in 1999, thinking my family would stop if I complained enough, no such luck. It continued until Sep 2024 and I finally went no contact. Try to get away from these people, they are not your family. They are severely sick, just like my family is. They just need you to abuse so they can feel better about themselves. Took me 25 years still to get away from my family. But I feel better than I did, its been over 90 days. Takes a long time to feel better about yourself. Do you have any domestic abuse people in your city or town, talk to someone. It is crazymaking at its finest, unfortunately. Facebook has quite a few support groups. Writing it out helps and the validation of other victims of abuse is awesome. First time ever for me, I was told by my family I don't matter, no one likes me. These people are not good people.

Hi - I was thinking today that the ultimate betrayal in my situation is for my abusive family suing me for defamation. I been severely scapegoated, psychologically abused for years. Last time I saw my 49 year old chiropractor brother he appeared to be really pissed at me, but didn't say anything. He is currently in a new relationship with his cardiologist girlfriend. He seemed annoyed that I was saying I am burnt out and never feel well. He is quite wealthy and so is my sister, they are both millionaires. My adult kids have lived my 30 years of abuse with my alcoholic, malignant narcissistic ex and my mother and family. They thought it was normal. I thought after divorcing my ex in 1999 they would stop, but did not. Ironically my extremely abusive ex initiated the gaslighting and my family ran with it, too good to resist I guess. I really didn't realize how bad it was until I found out about the complex PTSDd diagnosis. It explains a lot of what I experienced. Did not realize it causes physical distress along with the mental stress. It would be the ultimate betrayal if this happened.

Compassion4all, I am where you are too with my 3 of my sisters, one that I am very close with, at least I thought I was. When I said I am going no contact because no one in my narcissistic psychopathic family of origin will ever admit one word or denies all emotional, and psychological abuses. It has come to the point where there has been occurring for over 30 years. I am 68 now and I can't play this game anymore, sorry. My sister begged me not to go to therapy, she said she will be my therapist. She is horribly narcissistic and total self unaware and doesn't care. I have been no contact since Sept 2024 and everyone is probably po'ed about my decision, but I could care less. This is affecting my mental health and I need peace in my old age. Narcissism is an ugly mental disorder and really is not loving one iota. When I asked my sister if she knew what emotional, and psychological abuse is she would not respond. But, refused to even learn about it. She is 67 years old and and old enough to learn. My family thinks victims are losers and you are a loser if you bring up the abuse card. And, mentally ill to boot. You can't win. I am sorry I allowed my children to grow up around my mother and siblings. They literally told my 3 adult kids all of their lives that I had a mental illness, but they have never seen a therapist, counselor or doctor. I have and so happy I did.