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Messages - MountainGirl

#1
I have fretted about the fact that there are drugs, both legal and illegal, which very likely could help me with my C-PTSD, but getting them is a major difficulty because of the "war on drugs." In my reading on the internet I found these several sources which I think give some perspective on the attitudes prevalent among the general public and the US medical establishment. This is a link to an article by some Harvard public health PhDs and MDs. https://psychiatryonline.org/doi/10.1176/appi.ajp.20240030 who object to the demonization
of benzodiazepines. The authors point to words like "stigma" and "fear" that patients who need these drugs often feel. As the authors say, some patients simply cannot function without such help.

And the quote below is from a brief interview that the journalist Dan Baum (he wrote for the Wall Street Journal, The New Yorker and many other publications) had with John Ehrlichman, a a prominent aide to  President Richard Nixon. Ehrlichman says that the "war on drugs" was a political tactic intended to sideline minorities and anti war protesters. The quote is contained in this Harper's article : https://harpers.org/archive/2016/04/legalize-it-all/

"We knew we couldn't make it illegal to be either against the war or black, but by getting the public to associate the hippies with marijuana and blacks with heroin, and then criminalizing both heavily, we could disrupt those communities. We could arrest their leaders...Did we know we were lying about the drugs? Of course we did."

Ehrlichman went to jail, along with several other Nixon aides, because of his part in the Watergate scandal. That the "war on drugs" began as a political tactic had never entered my head, though it certainly explains why marijuana is a schedule 1 drug. I don't think you can overdose on grass, but you can on ...water, it's called hyponatremia.

At any rate, I found these articles interesting and thought provoking. Oh, and there is a book
"Undoing Drugs" that is utterly fascinating on the history of the war on drugs and the more recent movement toward "harm reduction." Well written and informative with detailed references .
#2
Medication / ketamine?
February 18, 2025, 03:53:31 PM
If anyone has any suggestions I'd be glad to hear them. I tried antidepressants - zoloft, imipramine stelazine and effexor but they all had side effects I hated. When I got stuck in anxiety and simply couldn't function there was a psychiatrist (overseas, in Asia) who prescribed Xanax on an as needed basis and that worked to get me out of my non functioning state so I could cope again. However in the US this isn't an option. Everyone seems scared to death of such drugs so I have been stuck for three + years and my savings has dwindled to almost nothing. I will have to sell my house and relocate now. So, in desperation, I tried ketamine in a nasal spray and was completely amazed by the effect. It was like flipping a switch - for the first time in years I was functioning and taking care of business. And most amazing of all, my suicidal thoughts were replaced by a complete revulsion at the thought of SI. That was what shocked me the most - I found SI to be a disgusting possibility and that has NEVER happened before. I had always, for decades, kept that possibility as a back up plan but under ketamine it was totally off the table. For me, this stuff has proven very effective - for a few days. I didn't take much, a very low dose which didn't last more than maybe three days but it has given me hope. But it seems like insurance won't cover a full treatment so I am considering going to Mexico. Is there anyone here who has had experience with so called "medical tourism" of any kind? Is anyone familiar with Mexican tourist clinics or how to determine the reliability of such clinics? Probably this inquiry is a very long shot but no harm in asking, eh?
#3
Yeah, I also have Hashimoto's , hypothyroidism. So I know what you mean about the symptoms. I also get very cold
and tired when the meds aren't right. I just find it irritating all the restrictions - don't eat this, don't eat that, take the meds at this time twice a day , go get your blood test etc etc. I just get fed up with it sometimes, which I think is different from your situation. It sounds like going off the meds for you results from being overwhelmed. I just get annoyed with the routine and figure the heck with this.  But as a doc once said to me, "If you have to have an autoimmune disease, this is the one to have since it can be well controlled." Yes...I guess...with a fair amount of close attention. Well , glad to hear you're back on them. So am I. Good for us!!
#4
Thank you for the video Blueberry. Quite interesting. And I didn't know there is a pressure point on the top of the head. I'll have to look into that. In general I don't self harm, but in recent weeks because I have been so frustrated by the medical people treating me like a statistic or the product of an algorithm that I did launch into SH. I stopped taking my thyroid medicine and now the blood test shows I'm waaayyy into the abnormal field and the doc is freaking out. I guess it's childish but I am so fed up with being controlled by my HMO and treated like a statistic instead of a person that I suppose not doing the twice daily med routine gives me some feeling of control. Maybe that's it. But I'll go back to the routine starting today. I don't think any real harm has been done and the level of medicine can be brought under control without too much difficulty I have found in the past.Sometimes, like now with this episode I actually annoy myself with such behavior. And if I'm annoyed with me I wonder how irritated others are!!
#5
General Discussion / Re: Overwhelmed
February 12, 2025, 02:40:43 PM
I agree that the "just do this or that and all will be well' is simplistic and often not only not helpful but actually , for me anyway, can make it all too much to handle . I sometimes think these simple answers that don't help me much are just a way for the medical industrial establishment to avoid me and my problems. I'd give a lot to have an MD honor my experience instead of throwing out canned answers.
#6
General Discussion / Re: people's experience?
February 12, 2025, 02:30:12 PM
Thank you Blueberry. I will do such a search. Thank you.
#7
General Discussion / people's experience?
February 12, 2025, 03:09:18 AM
As usual I can't decide where to put this question. Please move if this is wrong. Could someone who has been hospitalized please tell me how that experience unfolds? Or refer me to posts that describe that experience? I'm starting to think maybe that is something I might need to do.
#8
SOT - Sense of Threat / Re: fires in Southern Cal
January 31, 2025, 01:42:27 AM
Thankfully no evacuation needed Papa. We're all nice and wet now with a bit of snow on the ground!
#9
Hello Tenacious T - That name certainly seems appropriate and tenacity in my book is a major major virtue. Welcome to   :hug: OOTS.
#10
SOT - Sense of Threat / Re: fires in Southern Cal
January 28, 2025, 02:13:19 AM
Yes, the rain has really really  helped a lot. Things seem under control. Thanks for your support folks. Even though it looks like things will be OK I do feel kind of uneasy. I keep thinking  "IT's OK this time but what about next time? And when will the next time be?" And I really need to train the cats to become used to being handled. And  I will ask a friend who works for a rescue what she advises I do to train them and how to deal with them in the meantime. And I do need heavy gloves just in case, that's a good idea. Thanks all.
#11
SOT - Sense of Threat / Re: fires in Southern Cal
January 26, 2025, 12:56:40 AM
Thank you for the reassurance Papa and Kizzie. It's still burning, and it has turned in our direction but we are due rain tonight or tomorrow which may mean an end to this. And the winds have decreased significantly which makes all the difference. I think we'll be OK. I hope the folks down in the valley will be OK. I remember the fires in Canada a couple of years ago and how ferocious they were. Jaw dropping fires all over the place now. Papa, maybe this is a really bad idea but I was actually mulling over using a butterfly net to corral the cats if I had to. Seems weird, but in an emergency...
This is not my first encounter with wildfires. You certainly don't want to delay when the sheriff comes around with a bullhorn shouting "Leave now." Clearly I need to try to train them to be easily held, but in the meantime, when seconds count - a butterfly net?
#12
SOT - Sense of Threat / fires in Southern Cal
January 24, 2025, 04:30:42 PM
I can see the Border 2 fire from my living room. IT's maybe 25 miles away and blowing toward the ocean, not me, but I am really kind of flipped out about this. A friend had to evacuate down there in the valley and I spent two hours last night gathering photos, docs, guitars etc - wondering how I would gather the animals, they are semi feral and don't want to be picked up... probably we will be OK but even knowing we're  "probably" OK I am not thinking very clearly. not especially religious but anyone who wants to offer a prayer, thanks. I guess even people without C-PTSD are flipping out so... maybe I'm not overreacting???
#13
AV - Avoidance / Re: not sure if this is common
January 22, 2025, 03:55:38 AM
Thank you for your input Aphotic. It is such an enormous help to know that others have these feelings and reactions
too. It really amazes me that so many of us thought we were the only ones who struggled with such things, sometimes being alone with these problems  for decades. And then one day it turns out...Oh! There are others ? Lots and lots of other folks who know what this is like? That one realization by itself was tremendously liberating for me. So thank you Aphotic, and everyone here for being there...
#14
Therapy / Re: Wanting to flee
January 13, 2025, 03:28:29 AM
L2N, if you have a therapist you trust that is a major major win for you.  My recent therapist is the first one I have really connected with and been helped by, and like you I'm not a spring chicken. I'll be 69 come March. I also have been surprised to realize, as you note - "... how the actions of family can so impact the trajectory of one's life and self concept." Family molds us at an almost atomic level it seems, and I have only recently come to understand that, but now that I do I can work through it. I really do believe now that healing can occur. I hope you also are on your way to healing. With a trustworthy therapist it seems entirely possible to me.
#15
Please Introduce Yourself Here / Re: Hello
January 10, 2025, 03:01:43 PM
Hi Plumeria - Oh yes! For sure for sure I know exactly what you are talking about. I've been told by others, including my therapist, that the problems with getting stuff done are dead common amongst C-PTSD folk and I certainly have that problem
You will absolutely find people here who understand your difficulties. For myself, OOTS was a revelation, and a very helpful revelation, that made me realize I was not alone in these things and my problems are a result of what was done to me, not because there is something intrinsically wrong with me. That realization gave me a lot of relief. I hope you also will find relief in these pages. All the best to you Plumeria. Welcome to OOTS.