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You're welcome Chart. I agree with you that the initial incidents did actually happen which is what I've believed all along. But I'm unsure at what point the severe flashback was triggered and reality went wonky. Unfortunately it's difficult to tell now. But you're correct in that once the police had come out my neighbours have been mostly really careful and very quiet.

I was convinced though that they'd hacked my WiFi and so had access to my phone but that was either a mind game they played or part of the flashback and actually not real. I'm still afraid to use my WiFi just in case as I went to the lengths of getting a new phone and changing my phone contract and all seems okay now. That part I'm not sure if it was real or not but I reported it to the police anyway but have heard nothing from them about it. These people have stopped at nothing to make my life  utterly miserable and have really frightened me into this heightened state of hypervigilance and emotional flashback to previous victimisation which seems to be unremitting at the moment.

I say my psychiatrist again this morning who has prescribed something that will hopefully help with that. He is seeing me again next week to see how I am getting on with it and also to just see how I'm doing given what he's calling the crisis I'm experiencing at the moment. I feel very grateful to have his support and understanding in what is an incredibly difficult time for me.

I am  very similar I also need time to process things to find the truth of a situation. And the amount of time I need also varies. I find I need to just let things be and sit for a while before I make decisions or respond. I've had to learn that just reacting gets me nowhere.

I've decided that I'm going to go ahead with talking to the police about my initial statement and just see what comes from that. I'm not expecting anything really but I think it's worth not giving up at this point in case something positive can come from it whatever that might be.

Thank you again, much love,

Kitz

Kitz, I can't emphasize the importance of Pete Walker's book enough. It's enormously helpful on so many levels. This is not just my opinion. It's kinda become THE reference for breaking down, managing and starting to heal the symptoms of Cptsd. The writing is not spectacular but the content is phenomenally comprehensive, and it seems to always hit the mark. Even the multiple ways in which Cptsd can manifest depending on the context of the trauma. I fully intend to read it over and over (I kinda have to as my memory capacity is so wonky).

Doubting our reality is an extension of what Pete Walker calls the Inner Critic. The Inner Critic can take many forms, but in this case it's the constant Doubt. We question ourselves and everything. Guilt and shame follow right behind. It's incessant and horrible.

Thank you so much Chart for your support and incredibly valuable insights. I've downloaded Pete Walker's book as an audiobook and started listening to it this morning what I've taken on board so far that it is that it seems like it is going to be really helpful and as you said is very comprehensive. I'm really hoping that it will help me in my healing journey. I guess time will tell.

You write beautifully despite your head being mush as you put it. And I'm so glad you've found an outlet to express yourself here.

As you've said doubting your reality comes from the inner critic and I most definitely have one of those. Nothing is ever good enough and it seems like I've almost internalised my mother's extreme criticism and you're so right about the guilt and shame it can be crippling at times. I feel really sad that you feel guilty for posting your experiences. You so deserve to be heard and sharing your experiences is incredibly rave so please continue to do so.

I'm so glad you've managed to put the question of reality on a holding shelf. I so hope that the situation with your daughter's perceived lies resolves itself at least in terms of how it's affecting you.

I think you were incredibly brave to go back into your childhood bedroom and grieve that child's experience. I know you have got much more grieving and processing to do as do I but I hope with the right help and support we will get there.

Thank you so much for your help and support sending so much love and strength your way

Kitz

I want to say that I'm sorry you're stressed and going through what you're going through.

Second of all, I'm pretty sure I've been in the same place as you. I also live in a flat and while I have never had direct threats, my neighbours are also not kind people, except for one. I even moved flats because of the upstairs neighbour's stomping around, which admittedly to me, seemed intentional. I've been there describing it to my t about how I understood their behaviour and having it seem like I was crazy for suggesting it.

Thank you Dolly. I'm so sorry that you're also having problems with your neighbours I really feel for you. It sounds like you're doing everything you can to cope with the situation you're in and whilst it must be extremely challenging and difficult you are trying to be understanding too which makes you the bigger person in all this.

This has nothing to do with you and everything to do with your neighbour they seem to have serious problems themselves. You're just trying to live your life and sound like a very considerate person. I know from personal experience how awful a situation like this is so sending you much love and support.

Kitz

I'm so sorry to hear that you are going through this horrible situation with your daughter Chart. Sending so much love and support your way. I really hope that she is able to work through her difficulties and perceptions. I can't imagine how hard this must be for you. Thank you for sharing it with me it means a lot.

Being in this horrendous position of questioning reality, ours and that of others is beyond awful and so utterly confusing. I'm trying to do as you suggested and stop attempting to work out what is real and what isn't. I must admit that I feel very defeated right now and am trying to prioritise self care as best as I can. I have made myself leave my flat several times today and wander almost aimlessly to get away from the almost unbearable tension I feel when I'm at home. It has helped especially the sun when it's been out and the refreshing rain too. It's at least made me feel temporarily alive.

I have another appointment with my psychiatrist tomorrow to discuss the situation and hopefully begin to put things in place to support me further so fingers crossed it's a helpful meeting. Whilst I feel supported I'm still suffering and really struggling and just wish that there was a known end to this living nightmare but I just need to be patient and look after myself the best I can for now.

I haven't read Pete Walker's book but I definitely will thank you for the recommendation I really appreciate it. My therapist is back from annual leave next week to hopefully I can begin the work I need to do to get through this.

I will keep hoping and dig deep into my resilience and strength. I've been through so much worse than this in the past so I can survive this too.

Much love and sending strength and support to you too.

Kitz

Thank you so much Chart for your thoughtful and kind response it really means a lot to me.

I sincerely hope that you're right as then it means that I am in fact safe even if I don't believe or feel it at the moment. I guess I need to accept this for what it is but as you said it has all been so real to me anyway. This is the first time I've experienced anything like this and it's extremely frightening, distressing and confusing to put it mildly.

You're absolutely I've been through a lot of trauma and abuse throughout my life and I can't deny its effects I live with them every single day. This seems an incredibly cruel twist to my ongoing struggle and there have been times that I've almost given up. But I'm still here and trying my best to fight back as best as I can.

I didn't know that people who struggle with developmental trauma often experience not knowing what's real or imagined so thank you for that insight as it's made me feel less like I'm actually going crazy.

You're right too that there is no evidence other than my own word which now doesn't look at all credible. Whatever decisions are going to be made you're right this has been and is very real for me and I guess that's what is most important. It is an extreme situation and I am doing my absolute best to cope with it. My care team are really good and have been really supportive and compassionate which really means so much. I'm very grateful to have them there to support me and I feel that they genuinely want to help me which makes me feel like I'm worth something and worth helping.

I will do my best to be patient with myself and the situation I'm experiencing and try to hold onto the hope as you've said that this will pass and in getting through this I hope to come out of it stronger and better placed to work on my healing.

I can't thank you enough for your reply you have no idea how much your words have helped me today. Sending so much love and gratitude to you. Thank you again.

Kitz

I saw my psychiatrist and he was great I was an emotional wreck as I'm not sure I believe that a proportion of this abuse and harassment hasn't been real. It was a very trusted person who made the suggestion that it was in fact a stress/trauma response and I was absolutely devastated at the time. And still am to be honest. My psychiatrist said that this hearing things that aren't there can happen to anyone under extreme stress and with my not sleeping too plus my amount of trauma had heightened sensitivity I'm more susceptible. I'm still struggling to believe that they are right though. Especially as since I called the police who came out as I heard threats being made, the harassment and abuse has lessened significantly. One of the hypotheses put forward for this is that I felt safer so was less frightened which they believe is what is feeding the possible hearing things that aren't real. But I disagree as I'm still frightened and hyper conscious of everything I do at home in my flat as the initial issue they had with me was that I was too noisy when all I was doing was activities of daily living and not sleeping at all well so up half the night which was a month ago. I believe that they are now being very careful about what they do because of the police presence. I'm still unsure whether to proceed with the police investigation or not at this point.

I'm coping by constantly listening to music through my headphones and pretty much living under my weighted blanket to feel as safe as possible but it's really limiting what I can do at home as I just feel frozen a lot of the time. It's an incredibly difficult situation to be in and I do t honestly know if the professionals are right or not. The posies are that I've been prescribed some medication to help with my sleep which has really helped so far and  they are looking into some urgent respite for me so I can have a break from this horrible situation and hopefully lower my stress levels. As things stand it's frightening and confusing hopefully things will improve.

Thank you everyone for your responses I really appreciate it. I'm absolutely exhausted so just wanted to say thank you for taking the time to reply.

I've been told that the harassment and abuse that I've been experiencing may quite possibly be a trauma response/reaction to initial frightening events that did happen and that I've been hearing things that aren't real due to the state of extreme stress and hypervigilance. It's frightening and confusing as if it's true then I can't trust my own mind to know what's real and what isn't anymore. I feel devastated as I made a report to the police and now I'm not going to be believed. Plus I'm now doubting and questioning everything. I don't feel safe in my own home and I'm incredibly suspicious of people when I'm out, I wax anyway but this has just made it even worse. My senses are in overdrive and it's really hard to deal with and understand. I'm told the way to get through this is to reduce my stress and convince myself that I'm safe but sadly that's easier said than done. I'm seeing my Dr for an emergency appointment today so hopefully something helpful will come from that. Just got to hang in there for now I guess.

Hi,

I got officially diagnosed with  C-PTSD about 18 months ago after nearly 24 years in and out of mental health services. I've had other unhelpful and incorrect diagnoses over the years but it was only when I was finally brave enough and felt safe enough to disclose my extensive trauma history that things started to improve for me. I'm now in therapy and on the right medication for the worst of my symptoms and with a lot of hard work I finally feel like I'm starting to really make progress.

It's really good to be here amongst people who understand the daily struggle with C-PTSD and I look forward to being a part of this community.

Kitz