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I can't do this on my own yet. I've had therapy for 16 months now. I see progress but can't get the triggers to not cause flashbacks and disassociating. My T says I'm doing well but there's no support between sessions and I often feel that I can't go on or that I'm never going to be OK enough. I have one person who knows and helps far more than she should but it's still not enough as I feel like a little kid most days, I feel so bad about myself that I can't mix with others, I can't go places, I can't be normal.
I don't want to be like this anymore but can't change my reactions to triggers and then I have to shut myself away so no one sees. I'm feeling pretty helpless and hopeless and confused and trapped in it all, just like I was then.
 

Has anyone out there ever managed even a semi normal life after therapy?

I've been having therapy and thought it would help till I realised that nothing would change - I will still be living a lie hiding this stuff that I had all my life since I was small. No one will know me, I will always have to fight to keep part of me hidden as the consequences of doing that would be huge on my family. He is dead but the damage stops with me. In therapy I find myself liking being able to 'myself' and don't want to go back to a life where I am constantly hiding part of myself so that the punishments don't rain down on me as threatened and my family aren't affected by this. It will die with me. Going forward with this - I'm just not doing it, so he wins. I will go on feeling put up with, as if I contaminate people, living in fear, etc etc, these things will overtake me again because part of this is never going to go......I cannot do this anymore....     

Not sure where to start. On going rape and abuse from 6. Struggling with flash backs and guilt and feeling disgusting and very alone. Pretty much had enough of it all.