Messages

Welcome Mercy. I'm new here too. Have mercy on yourself in the process of your healing!

As I read your OP, there has never been a time when someone like that leaves a message just to talk. I say never because in my experience, it's either an info dig kind of call or a covert attempt at guilt tripping. Possibly both. Good for you to know not to answer and to recognize the message for what it is.

I have grieved the loss of my father who is still alive. I have now lived my life longer without him. I've had "funerals" (yeah, more than one) and written letters (one I actually sent) and so on.

I hope you thrive, Phoebes!

I, too, fear intimacy. Arms length for me. I don't mind being kind but actually inviting new people into my life in order to become more acquainted is too much. Something that I have noticed in the recent past is that I overshare my "issues" in order to turn people away from me when I first meet them. Of course this doesn't always work but when it does, I feel like a failure and the rejection is painful. I grew up in a very small area. Rumors meant you were collectively rejected by most, if not all, of the population. (I did move away as soon as I could.) When I do make an attempt to befriend someone, I feel I am constantly on the chopping block. Like if they knew the "real me" that they would drop me. Fear of rejection is real. And I can relate.

This is beautiful.

Elf Power,

Feelings aren't wrong at all. The way you asked if you were overreacting reminds me of myself. My mother is diagnosed HPD and even though I know this, I still feel like I'm imagining the covert forms of abuse she uses. I can say that from experience, when she did something similar to me, it made me feel of no importance to her and that my safety did not matter. I do not think you're over reacting at all. Covert abuse is awful and very isolating. I am sorry you went through surgery and she didn't consider how you felt.

ednasurvivalmode