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Welcome Glowworm
I can really relate to life feeling like a rollercoaster and holding on for dear life. I understand how difficult and exhausting going through repressed trauma is.. along with dissociation and intense emotions after.

I hope your rollercoaster has slowed down a bit if it can
Thanks for sharing the books you've read. I hope you find support on this website.

Thanks for the messages and support !

Hello all.  32 F here: I have been on medical leave from work for almost 1.5 years and starting to feel very lonely and in need of people to talk to. CPTSD, depression, anxiety, work traumas. I had a very chaotic childhood (alcholic father with bad temper that was emotionally/verbally abusive, and I protected my mother from it from a very young age). I became a nurse about 9 years ago.. in units that saw a bit of everything.. but one of the most challenging roles I did was providing palliative care. I've seen hundreds (or more) people pass away.. but it's the ones who suffered, had a traumatic death, died unexpectedly, had assisted death (this is new for me).. that I really became numb. Add on top of that the constant additional stress at work (such as COVID-19), being bullied, receiving death threats from a patient for months, and so much more. I didn't realize how poorly I was doing until I was in such bad shape mentally that going off work was the only option. One of my parents became terminally ill with cancer around the same time that I went off work and passed away a few months after. Im taking medications, doing therapy, have a small but mighty support system (just no one who truly understands what I'm going through), and a dog who gets me out of the house. But I feel lost and not sure how to find supports.