Messages

 
Sorry HannahOne, especially to hear there're waves with your T. Not the moment... or maybe because of all the storms?
Anyway you look at it it's rough.
Sending support and thoughts of survival. There's some serious understanding around here. Perhaps not perfect, but not for lack of commitment and love.
 

 

 

Quickly, off-subject (a little) I believe EVERYTHING is trauma, from cancer to suicide, from dictatorship to messiah. From the distant past to recurrent nightmares. The variable is only how it manifests. (Just my opinion, and I might be excessive... I have that tendency :-)

Empathy... I got it bad. But I was valued during that critical phase. I was the savior, so the hope of my salvation powers had a double-edged effect: I was the center of the universe for my mom, but the expectations were total délirium. So it didn't work, I was washed in violence and confusion, and went the path of "prediction" and "comprehension". I know how people are feeling, more often than not, far better than they know themselves how they are feeling. I can "see" it instantly, and for more complex situations, a few days of unconscious reflection will frequently lead me to deep (insane?) realizations of others and/or specific situations.

I don't typically lose myself in these situations, but it is rarely anything that I can do anything about. So I don't (never?) go down those perceptive roads.

EXCEPT with like-Empaths. (I think there is an unofficial term for this, 'super-Empath'. I find most people here on the forum to be in this category. It goes along with being highly sensitive. No judgments, just my perception/belief/opinion.

Yes, all this came about for survival reasons. I was also groomed for it. Now I have it, but it doesn't particularly help me. Except I am now applying it to my inners. Especially the baby who was dipped in Fear like Achilles in the Styx... but I'm far from invincible, quite the contrary.

I also apply empathy to myself now, more and more, especially since understanding what I suffer from. I also have stopped A LOT of my "going towards analyzing others". I just shut the equipment off when I realize it's going that way. But the exception is with people like me. But even then I'm careful. I do still want to do "good" but have learned, "good" is relative, and I'm a voyager here just like everybody else.

I think there's a subtle but important difference between empathy in men and women. Possibly it's easier for men to "get past it" than women. But that's just a hunch and for sure not any kind of global rule.

My mother: I have immense amounts of empathy for my mom. But I'm still nc (or very very low). Too much is too much, and hope is not in very good shape. My mom is also empathic-capable, but only narcissistically. And she is inexperienced and NEVER turned to catch even a glimpse of her shadow. And her shadow in not grey, it's as black as they come. I can't do much there, I'm probably the only person on earth who sees this (huge) part of her. But she was traumatized in her turn, just like the poem by Philippe Larkin...

Yeah all the responses!

Just because the oracle sees the future, does that mean they are responsible for it?

In many ways Cptsd gave us superpowers. But those powers only work on ourselves. We cannot save the world. Lord knows I've wanted and tried. It cannot be.

 

[are]

I wish I wasn't a black hole of neediness and dysfunction.

I don't think you are that, Bach. You suffer from Cptsd and subsequently those judgements are present. But you are many others things beyond that as well.
It's a distinction that I find helps me. Feelings are not what I am. They are very often a result of abuse in my infancy.
 

Thanks TheBigBlue! It's so spot-on I couldn't find anything to comment on!
:-)

 

That was lovely, Dalloway, thank you for sharing.
 

Hey HannahOne, Late to the party... Sorry, can't put enough "yeah that's" to encapsulate what everyone's already said.
Sending support and understanding. Not the same with me, but similar enough to know the leaded suspense. So sorry.
Sending love. Support too. Thinking of you and thank you for sharing.
 

NK, this makes me wonder where Empathy comes from. There is the possibility to think of others, but knowing when to put yourself first. And, whatever path we take, we communicate and exchange, anticipating (if only a little) what the impact on others might be... Why do so many foo seem absolutely oblivious to something I believe is a fundamental aspect of being human? I'm very sorry for your runaround... seems like just one more thing to anticipate in the future. I think we hesitate less and less to stop playing the games so often organized in a disingenuous guise of innocence. (that was a weird sentence :-)
 

and a thousand mile gaze out to the vast, possible next steps ahead.

Living in the moment but always moving forward.
 

thinking of you.  love and hugs

Hey San, me too I was touched by your "routine" with your D. It's great to have that connection. I'm estranged from my eldest daughter too. Trauma. Trauma's not our fault. If I'd known then what I know now... but too: if my parents had not had their heads up someplace where no sun shines... To everyone their life. We just keep growing and never give up on those who love us back. Those who don't love... well they have to find their own way. Sad, but I focus on what I have, not what I wished had been. Seems you're doing the same with your D2.
 

I believe something in the Universe works. I believe Love that falls into a black hole, does not disappear. I believe there are an infinity of realities and ours is there before us and with our spirit and determination, we will come to it, in understanding, acceptance and indestructible peace.