Messages

thinking of you.  love and hugs

Hey San, me too I was touched by your "routine" with your D. It's great to have that connection. I'm estranged from my eldest daughter too. Trauma. Trauma's not our fault. If I'd known then what I know now... but too: if my parents had not had their heads up someplace where no sun shines... To everyone their life. We just keep growing and never give up on those who love us back. Those who don't love... well they have to find their own way. Sad, but I focus on what I have, not what I wished had been. Seems you're doing the same with your D2.
 

I believe something in the Universe works. I believe Love that falls into a black hole, does not disappear. I believe there are an infinity of realities and ours is there before us and with our spirit and determination, we will come to it, in understanding, acceptance and indestructible peace.
 

Thankyou Marcine, your beautiful post came at a very appropriate moment for me. Your words were inspiring and touching.
 

Sorry for all the pain, Ran. I think I know how you feel. It varies, and seems to be improving very very slowly for me, but there's still a lot of pain.
Thinking of you and sending support.
 

Yeah, sorry to hear that. It's hard to be under the care of people who don't really understand... But you sound like you know what is what, also what's good for you and there seems a longer-term plan in the works.
Sending support for the future evolution.
 

Thanks for looking out for me, San!
 

 

Teddy bear,
Psychiatrists... 
Sorry about your experience. Sounds like you took it on the shoulder, meaning, you dealt with it with stoic acceptance.

I love Carolyn Spring's quote: "Psychiatrists... I avoid them like the plague."

 

Isolation is indistinguishable from abandonment to a child. And abandonment is death. The present moment reality may have changed, but our developing minds were utterly lost in the incessant fear. The conscious mind understands all... the body and soul stumble still. Love the body, love the heart. Announce with golden trumpets the news for the soul: we are now utterly loved, and the past did indeed make no sense. Let that sadness now have it's moment. Respect the request for understanding. All other earthly endeavors prioritize the infant self. Be with her and integrate together. Hold on to the child... and never let her go.
Love and hugs and intimate understanding. Thank you for sharing all that profound chaotic wisdom, HannahOne!
 

My mornings are usually a labyrinth... I lay listening to the snorted breathing of the Minotaur just the other side of the stone wall.
 

Since

@Chart I like that idea of treating mood like a scale. I think there are times where I can be quite black-and-white about mood, even though I'm not that way about other things.

Since I came to understand the autistic spectrum, I see things more and more on that type of scale. Things blend from one end to the other. I try to pay attention to the sliding. Often I find my behavior radically changes depending where I'm at. Identifying patterns is key, imo, then once identified, I try something different (if I'm not satisfied with the current situation (emotional or otherwise).
Hope hugs are okay!
 

San, when all this starts coming up, it hurts. I'm literally crying with you. The infant is just a spark of light and joy reaching out with its heart and eyes and soul. How can they not be loved? It's incomprehensible to me too.

And now we know what we missed. It hurts, it hurts in a deep down way that got stuffed for decades. But now it's out, like a second birth. This time we are giving birth to ourselves. This time it's double-the-pain, as we are both mother AND child. It's crazy. This life is such a roller coaster. I'd never in a million years have guessed where I'd be now.

But for all the pain, I wouldn't change a thing. I'm glad I found this pain. This pain is the little Chart. I found him... finally. And we're gonna take care of our little infant selves now. They're gonna get the Love they deserve. It's never too late.

I feel like sometimes getting out of bed is the hardest task there is.

I know this thread goes quite aways back... right around the time I joined this Forum. That too triggers me a little. I'm wondering how much progress I've actually made, cause that quote from Rizzo really hit me. I feel like I'm lugging a palette of bricks every morning I try to get out of bed... still...

Hope you are doing well, Dina... and everyone, everywhere, trying to unload ourselves of the bricks of our trauma...

A little late, but I hope some hugs are okay...