Messages

Sorry for all the pain, Ran. I think I know how you feel. It varies, and seems to be improving very very slowly for me, but there's still a lot of pain.
Thinking of you and sending support.
 

Yeah, sorry to hear that. It's hard to be under the care of people who don't really understand... But you sound like you know what is what, also what's good for you and there seems a longer-term plan in the works.
Sending support for the future evolution.
 

Thanks for looking out for me, San!
 

 

Teddy bear,
Psychiatrists... 
Sorry about your experience. Sounds like you took it on the shoulder, meaning, you dealt with it with stoic acceptance.

I love Carolyn Spring's quote: "Psychiatrists... I avoid them like the plague."

 

Isolation is indistinguishable from abandonment to a child. And abandonment is death. The present moment reality may have changed, but our developing minds were utterly lost in the incessant fear. The conscious mind understands all... the body and soul stumble still. Love the body, love the heart. Announce with golden trumpets the news for the soul: we are now utterly loved, and the past did indeed make no sense. Let that sadness now have it's moment. Respect the request for understanding. All other earthly endeavors prioritize the infant self. Be with her and integrate together. Hold on to the child... and never let her go.
Love and hugs and intimate understanding. Thank you for sharing all that profound chaotic wisdom, HannahOne!
 

My mornings are usually a labyrinth... I lay listening to the snorted breathing of the Minotaur just the other side of the stone wall.
 

Since

@Chart I like that idea of treating mood like a scale. I think there are times where I can be quite black-and-white about mood, even though I'm not that way about other things.

Since I came to understand the autistic spectrum, I see things more and more on that type of scale. Things blend from one end to the other. I try to pay attention to the sliding. Often I find my behavior radically changes depending where I'm at. Identifying patterns is key, imo, then once identified, I try something different (if I'm not satisfied with the current situation (emotional or otherwise).
Hope hugs are okay!
 

San, when all this starts coming up, it hurts. I'm literally crying with you. The infant is just a spark of light and joy reaching out with its heart and eyes and soul. How can they not be loved? It's incomprehensible to me too.

And now we know what we missed. It hurts, it hurts in a deep down way that got stuffed for decades. But now it's out, like a second birth. This time we are giving birth to ourselves. This time it's double-the-pain, as we are both mother AND child. It's crazy. This life is such a roller coaster. I'd never in a million years have guessed where I'd be now.

But for all the pain, I wouldn't change a thing. I'm glad I found this pain. This pain is the little Chart. I found him... finally. And we're gonna take care of our little infant selves now. They're gonna get the Love they deserve. It's never too late.

I feel like sometimes getting out of bed is the hardest task there is.

I know this thread goes quite aways back... right around the time I joined this Forum. That too triggers me a little. I'm wondering how much progress I've actually made, cause that quote from Rizzo really hit me. I feel like I'm lugging a palette of bricks every morning I try to get out of bed... still...

Hope you are doing well, Dina... and everyone, everywhere, trying to unload ourselves of the bricks of our trauma...

A little late, but I hope some hugs are okay...
 

Interesting, Pelicantown and everyone. I guess Cptsd encompasses all types. I have had many positive emotional experiences in my life. I swing back and forth, from general intense sadness/depression to about three days a month feeling quite good and then pushing that limit with something exciting and adventurous. My objective is to pull these massive emotional swings down to a more reasonable middle, especially the deep sadness. I would like to shift the "average" and slide the scale more towards the positive. I don't usually go manic. When I do I usually get myself in trouble or do something inappropriate. That swing has calmed a lot over the past six years.

I'm sorry to disagree with you, LucasLu. My personal experience with therapists/psychologists/psychiatrists has been a total zero in effecting emotional change or stabilization. And I've seen quite a boat-load in my life. Nope, therapy for me has been a relative dead-end in effecting the deep neuronal change that I know needs to happen to pull me upwards towards a more stable and regulated nervous system state. I've had some pretty empathic therapists, and that feels good, but talk-therapy to change my brain..? personally I've never experienced it, and often quite the reverse. But that's just me.

Hugs all around if everyone's ok with that.
:-)

My position is that it only is when we are on board with it. It only works with an internal "yes" of the client, which may or may not follow that which is brought up. If it's an internal "no", that can be equally valid and worth while to explore. I think it's safe to lead with your intuition.

I totally agree, only I would change "internal" to "explicit". For me, the whole idea of therapy is to simply find these limits and bring them into consciousness. The fact that so many of my reactions remain hidden from me indicates that their ultimate purpose is a secondary task to figure out. First I have to identify them, THEN I can work on changing them. There's definitely a place for a therapist to push some boundaries on occasion, in a non-violent fashion and with awareness on their part. Friends do the same thing for friends. It starts with soft and easy hints... then we can move forward depending on the realizations that come about. It doesn't matter tea or water, what matters is that the source for the decision is understood and fully conscious.
 

O, I was logged out when I clicked on the picture that didn't show... Dunno what's going on there. I cant's see it, unfortunately 

SO, you did nothing wrong:
"Attachments awaiting approval"
I've a sneaking suspicion that Kizzie's overworked (and very likely underpaid :-)