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Thanks for the warm welcome everyone

im here after a stress & substance abuse induced psychotic episode, trying to pick up the pieces. my life has been peppered with traumatic events like this, and so this feels like the millionth new lease life has given me. im determined to make something real and lasting out of it this time. that's a task i cant shoulder by myself (trust me i've tried), but i have almost nobody in my life who understands. or at least that's how i feel.

my childhood was extremely dysfunctional (physical, psychological, emotional abuse, neglect). as i approach my mid-twenties, i can see the damage trauma has done to me in the way my life has panned out. it's hard to contend with every single day, so i spend a lot of my time neck deep  in distraction. that's not working for me anymore, it doesn't drown out the voice that's telling me there's something greater in store for me. but i'm terrified of facing it all.

i feel i've lost something vital and precious through the years, i'm not sure exactly what that is or when i lost it. i know it's still with me somewhere, waiting to be recovered. im hoping i can chip away at all the depressing gunk that's built up in my brain by writing here.