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Hi, I'm Winter.

I actually joined this forum a couple of years ago, but I made one post then didn't stick around for whatever reason. Now I'm looking for support again and have re-found you.

I have CPTSD from both my childhood (witnessing domestic violence) and adulthood (emotional abuse). I've fallen into a pattern of keeping people at a distance because I'm so scared of getting hurt again. I'm trying to get un-stuck because I do want to have people in my life.

Looking forward to getting to know you all.

Hi everyone,

Thanks for having me here. 

I have CPTSD both from my childhood and from more recent events as an adult. I grew up witnessing domestic abuse and was severely bullied at school, this has always affected my mental health and my ability to form relationships, but I was managing OK(ish!) until my marriage broke down around 5 years ago.

When that happened it seemed to set off a whole chain reaction of rejections and traumas. I lost friends and ended up very isolated, I turned to a professional for support who started an inappropriate romantic relationship with me and became abusive, then I was sexually assaulted by someone I'd thought was a friend. (And of course the Covid lockdowns were in the mix too.)

I think basically the fact that I've never formed especially close relationships with anyone came back to bite me, and then in my desperation I made some unwise choices about who to trust and was taken advantage of.

I now see a lovely, boundaried and very gentle therapist, and it is helping, but I'm feeling stuck. I am still lonely and isolated, which makes my life as a single parent very hard. However, I feel so much anxiety about anything I might do to make friends/get closer to people that it's very hard to change this. The same goes for seeking help from services/professionals.

I'd love to hear from anyone who has experienced this anxiety/isolation cycle and whether you found a way through it.

Thanks for reading. 

Winter