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I have a lot of songs actually. It's part of how I process things I think

I relate to this song a lot

I'm just kinda feeling lost in the darkness at the moment

Rough night.

I don't feel like I have anyone. Family is dysfunctional, sister wants little to do with me. No "found family", either. I've learned that I cannot count on my friend group as support - no fault of theirs, they just have their own issues.


 

Thank you

Here is one I just found from the first artist I shared, he has a lot of really good ones. This one is a snippet for the time being, looking forward to the whole song

Hi Colliegrace,

I really admire you standing up for yourself - it takes a lot of courage, self confidence to do that.  Really great!

Ty

I'm sorry if I said too much in my previous reply. 

I hope things get a little better with your mom after you stood your ground. Good job. 

It's fine 

I'm just in a lot of emotional pain at the moment

I appreciate responses even if I don't say much

Today there was a conflict with my mom about an argument from last night. I straight up told her that if she insists to treat me like dirt I will look into moving out. The implication being that I won't be around to take care of her as she ages. I feel like that's a bit mean, but I refuse to be complicit to my own abuse now that I'm an adult and have other options.

Song about abusive parents. Might be triggering. But I relate to it.

Currently not feeling well. Asked for some advice in a group chat, it brought up a lot of feelings.


People have suggested that my mom might be a narcissist, but I don't think that's something you can "diagnose" just based off someone's description of their abuse. I don't know that I see a pattern of self-absorbed behavior from her, either.... I just think she doesn't want to admit that she hurt her kids in devastating ways.

This artist makes a lot of songs about trauma and mental illness. This is one that I relate to heavily.

Thanks for the responses 

I am looking into the possibility that I may have borderline personality disorder, which many consider to be almost the same thing as c-ptsd

I grew up in a broken family. Parents divorced wen I was young. My mom always thought that was very traumatic for me, but I disagree. Most of what she deemed trauma was actually autism. I also was abused by a family member during that time, but I won't get into that. Oddly enough that never seemed to affect me long term.

What really, really has had lasting effects on me? The stuff that happened in my late teen years. We were a completely dysfunctional family, two of us on one side and two on the other, fighting as enemies in the same house. For at least a couple years. We never got better, the only reason things died down was because one parent passed away. Hard to have a conflict keep going when one of the reasons for said conflict is no longer with us.

I was the scapegoat. I was blamed for everything that went wrong. My sister was the golden child. I was labeled "the bad influence", so anything she did wrong, I was punished for instead of her.

That's all I'll type for now.

I don't think I have C-PTSD actually, but I could be wrong. I'm currently under the label "avoidant personality disorder". But I'm here because I want to process/re-process my traumatic teenage years.

I go by Collie online.