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Messages - c_is_for_contempt

#1
Thank you, Kizzie and Papa Coco 🥹😮‍💨
#2
Hello,

I'm new here.

I haven't had an official diagnosis of C-PTSD, but have had a psychiatrist allude to it fitting. My sibling has also had more experience with therapy and they're the one that brought this to my awareness at all. Likely because one of their therapists figured they fit the description.

I've been in and out of therapy for the past 10 years and haven't yet found one that feels like one to settle with, but I hope to find one eventually. For now, I don't think my heart is in it. That's part of what brought me here. (It's deeply hard to trust anyone and to talk about my feelings without having my hand hover over the panic button for the portcullis to drop hard.)

Grew up in an emotionally tumultuous home. Abusive father and depressive mother. Post-divorce, my siblings and I lived with mom but I think she was unraveling and I became a target (I'm like my father... in ways that aren't also necessarily bad but you get it). My childhood has been hard to reconcile with and I've only been on this path of recovery for about 10 years. Before that, denial was survival.

While I have a cocktail bar of issues I wish weren't there... I have a lot of displaced anger and severe self hatred I'd really like to focus on currently.

It was a burnout and subsequent mental breakdown in ~2017 that forcibly put me on a more earnest path to reconcile with it all.
#3
New Members / Re: What's in a Name Part 2
May 30, 2023, 04:47:28 PM
Hai,
I just signed up yesterday.
My username is just to acknowledge a lot of buried anger that bubbles just under the surface.
Part of me thinks it would've been better to have a positive username ^__^; but this just felt more honest as to why I'm trying to seek help, so there it is.