Hi all,
This is just me trying to figure out which heading to put this under because none of them really fit. There are too many intersectional issues happening all at once. Sorry if this sounds jumbled and garbled I just need somewhere to put down thoughts and perhaps seek feedback? I received a call yesterday that my nephew is in the hospital and only has days to live. My nephew is only 42 years old and is dying from alcoholism. My mind is screaming. I see what the trauma and dysfunction is doing to my loved ones and I want to scream. I am so angry. I have lost a niece to the same thing and I have another nephew who is lost to the streets in drug addiction - no idea if hes dead or alive. I grew up in a family where feelings were not discussed and emotions were shut down. My brother, whose son is dying, probably received the worst treatment out of all my siblings. He is always there for others but always minimizes his needs or brushes off any support offered. I'm at this weird place where I've always felt a burden - so much so that reaching out to support my own brother terrifies me. I can imagine the pain he is enduring and I don't know what to do. THe place he resides in right now mentally - losing a child - seems so sacred and holy that I don't dare step in his space. I don't know what I'm afraid of. I have never been close to my siblings because there is such a huge gap in our ages - at least 20 years. So I don't have that shared experience of growing up together. I have always felt on the outside and a bit estranged from my family because of this. I also moved out of state about two years ago, so I can't even see my nephew even if I wanted to visit. I don't know whether to fly home or not because I don't know what I would do, and we don't know how long he will be here. Right now I feel like a spectator - helpless to do anything as my brother watches his first born son die. I just don't know what to do.
This is just me trying to figure out which heading to put this under because none of them really fit. There are too many intersectional issues happening all at once. Sorry if this sounds jumbled and garbled I just need somewhere to put down thoughts and perhaps seek feedback? I received a call yesterday that my nephew is in the hospital and only has days to live. My nephew is only 42 years old and is dying from alcoholism. My mind is screaming. I see what the trauma and dysfunction is doing to my loved ones and I want to scream. I am so angry. I have lost a niece to the same thing and I have another nephew who is lost to the streets in drug addiction - no idea if hes dead or alive. I grew up in a family where feelings were not discussed and emotions were shut down. My brother, whose son is dying, probably received the worst treatment out of all my siblings. He is always there for others but always minimizes his needs or brushes off any support offered. I'm at this weird place where I've always felt a burden - so much so that reaching out to support my own brother terrifies me. I can imagine the pain he is enduring and I don't know what to do. THe place he resides in right now mentally - losing a child - seems so sacred and holy that I don't dare step in his space. I don't know what I'm afraid of. I have never been close to my siblings because there is such a huge gap in our ages - at least 20 years. So I don't have that shared experience of growing up together. I have always felt on the outside and a bit estranged from my family because of this. I also moved out of state about two years ago, so I can't even see my nephew even if I wanted to visit. I don't know whether to fly home or not because I don't know what I would do, and we don't know how long he will be here. Right now I feel like a spectator - helpless to do anything as my brother watches his first born son die. I just don't know what to do.