Looking forward to your report. :-) Maybe even give us small updates partway through?
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Books & Articles / Re: Peter Levine's "Waking the Tiger - Healing Trauma"
January 23, 2016, 06:05:37 PM #2
Dating; Marriage/Divorce; In-Laws / Re: Conflicting needs.
December 20, 2015, 10:09:27 PM
At the risk of grating on the ears and eyes of those who prefer traditional grammar, I use singular "they" because it's the most inclusive option I know at this point. If this violates the Posting Style Guide, please let me know the preferred inclusive pronoun to use.
Hi AgandFe (love your username btw),
Honoring my need for independent safety is the key, for me, to authentic connecting with others. In an intimate relationship, well, what Rainer Maria Rilke wrote: "...a good marriage is one in which each partner appoints the other to be the guardian of his solitude."
Today I'm enjoying a Sunday alone, because yesterday my partner of 3 years rightly pointed out that I was almost certainly very low on space but just too tired after a long week to feel it. Before meeting me, they'd never been on a vacation alone while in a relationship; last month, they did this on my suggestion and had a very good time. Need for space is something both of us proactively check in about on an ongoing basis. Maybe "normal" couples just work it out somehow, but I don't want what their relationships look like from the outside, so I'm not interested in how they got there.
Varied methods have helped me along the path to this relationship; it's not like I happened upon a line of Rilke then promptly leapt from extreme isolation to where I am now. In some ways, such as with casual but meaningful acquaintanceships, I've really re-wired myself. In others, I'm a proud and unabashed mole-person with a toolbox of practical hacks to meet functional goals. (For instance for meeting the incessant small-talk requirements of the world's rampant lawn connoisseurs, when I deem doing so expedient.)
If my thoughts about specific building blocks of this relationship are of interest to you, let me know. This post is too long already!
(I also deleted reminiscences about being saved by an animal I didn't like after escaping several soul-eviscerating enmeshments simultaneously, because oh my, that animal's role in turning my life around could take up entire screens of unbroken text in tiny font.)
Hi AgandFe (love your username btw),
Honoring my need for independent safety is the key, for me, to authentic connecting with others. In an intimate relationship, well, what Rainer Maria Rilke wrote: "...a good marriage is one in which each partner appoints the other to be the guardian of his solitude."
Today I'm enjoying a Sunday alone, because yesterday my partner of 3 years rightly pointed out that I was almost certainly very low on space but just too tired after a long week to feel it. Before meeting me, they'd never been on a vacation alone while in a relationship; last month, they did this on my suggestion and had a very good time. Need for space is something both of us proactively check in about on an ongoing basis. Maybe "normal" couples just work it out somehow, but I don't want what their relationships look like from the outside, so I'm not interested in how they got there.
Varied methods have helped me along the path to this relationship; it's not like I happened upon a line of Rilke then promptly leapt from extreme isolation to where I am now. In some ways, such as with casual but meaningful acquaintanceships, I've really re-wired myself. In others, I'm a proud and unabashed mole-person with a toolbox of practical hacks to meet functional goals. (For instance for meeting the incessant small-talk requirements of the world's rampant lawn connoisseurs, when I deem doing so expedient.)
If my thoughts about specific building blocks of this relationship are of interest to you, let me know. This post is too long already!
(I also deleted reminiscences about being saved by an animal I didn't like after escaping several soul-eviscerating enmeshments simultaneously, because oh my, that animal's role in turning my life around could take up entire screens of unbroken text in tiny font.)
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