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Extraordinary and inspiring. Thank you Nibbe! Sorry you had to go through so much but "who among you, would think that such a night of tortured travelling, could bring such a glorious morning?"

Hello Angel Wings It is deeply unsettling to be diagnosed with this condition. No doubt about it. Especially as it comes with so many clauses in the contract. "Intractible", "deeply rooted", "disorder" ... all terms guaranteed to put one off one's lunch to say the least. But I would like to say that, as difficult as it is, life can actually continues post diagnosis and it is entirely possible to thrive and live and love. It isn't easy but it is the most meaningful and life changing journey imaginable. So please, do take heart and know that you are not alone.

My own reaction to my diagnosis was - for the first time - an outpouring of anger, fury, even, towards my ( dead) perpetrators. Thankfully I got it out of my system healthfully through art. I'm not much of an artist but intent and expression was far more important than talent!

Of course we are all different! Your reaction will be yours but it *will* be understood and respected here, as will you. Look forward to hearing from you, and my love and best wishes walk with you. Flooky.

Hello Kate, here when you are ready! Not the wisest of bods but certainly can claim to be understanding that awareness suddenly dawning that something's not right. Wishing you well during what sounds to be a challenging time for you, and to just say that I find this space to be wonderfully supportive, non-judgemental and kind.

Hi...on a purely practical levek... perhaps paying the extra is the premium required to avoid dodgy neighbours. That's what the extra money buys. And also if you factor in the expenses of moving then paying the extra won't seem so expensive? But cptsd is proper unsettling...but as I made effort to stabilise myself my external circumstances slowly...oh so slowly...began to stabilise.

Oh God Marycontrary can I relate to the "litany of loss" if I may seek to be a touch poetic. I am very sorry to hear about your cats...well, about *all* of it, naturally. A lot of it seems to be sacrifice, a lot of it just crap stuff. When we edit out core FOO or "friends" who turn out to be just rubbish at being decent (often in need of help that they refuse) then the losses have at least a purpose, are part of a consciously directed journey. However there are times when the loss aspect is greater to our minds than the gain aspect. Especially when we are denied the support networks that others take for granted.

I was in my late 40's before I lived anywhere longer than two and a bit years. It is so, so wearing. I now seek a sense of home, of belonging in my heart as there has been practically zilch on an external level. I know it sounds hippy to the extreme but I find it has helped to think along those lines.

A superb resource in such groundless, shifting and changing times is a small but wonderful book called "When Things Fall Apart" by Pema Chodron. I heartily recommend it. I hope that you find some rest abd recuperation soon. Removing yourself from someone else's temper and tantrums will, I'm sure, restore a lot of energy for you. All the very best, flooky

Marycontrary...firstly congratulations on getting into such good shape and successfully swimming against the dietary, sedentary tide of our age. Superb work! I am sorry that the bar to secure long term relationships are set high when we improve but ultimately that's a good thing. I'm lucky as my wife is the sanest person I have met. But the most important relationship in my life is the one I have with my traumatised brain. I have learned to see it as my wound and not my enemy and so live a life full of compassion and insight, even love towards all it's jumbled, pained and dissociative spasms. It kind of feels like I have a sane mind running parallel to a cptsd brain...but being able to very slowly bring it under calming influences...without this primary relationship going on...wound not enemy relationship with my cptsd then my current relationship would be another disaster waiting to happen.

Anyways...sorry! I digressed a bit. But I just wanted to say that I think you are absolutely right...and what's more have earned the right to be right! Seek to bring others up to your level, through practical example rather than just words, and don't let them drag you down to theirs!

Very happy you have found us, Annegirl. I'm not the best read person on the topic even though I have cptsd...will be ordering Pete Walkers book this week...has anyone recommended his site to you yet? There are some excellent extracts from his work available free. But as I said, I'm not the best read and my experience of therapy has been slight. So I am relieved and delighted that my humble suggestions have been helpful. I struggled alone for so long but have found simply being understood to be a source of relief and affirmation. It is such a help.

I think there is a difference between trying to control a situation and influencing it as best one can. I think that "control" is a deeply held concept in CPTSD as we are dealing with controlling behaviour of our abusers and also I'm struggling with the idea that I don't need to be in control to be safe. Because I can't control everything. So I'm learning that influencing stuff is more practical because it's not an all or nothing condition, like control is.

And the "silly little things" that can be the tip of an iceberg. Had a major EF a little while ago from glancing at an ad for martial arts classes.

Best of luck to you and I hope you feel that you have more options and confidence than previously. Please do let us know how things go. Much love to you!

It's strange, but I find researching this condition of CPTSD tricky as I tend to dissociate as I read. It can be so hard at times to get through a paragraph. Sometimes the background knowledge that I have this condition through perpetrators seeps through and I get triggered. But mostly I tend to unwillingly zone out. Am doing my best though. I like to try and give back and one needs to be well informed to give of ones best.

Hello Designer of Things!

Welcome to (what for me and many others has proven to be) a very understanding and helpful space. I so admire the way you have taken the bull by the horns and have shown the courage in taking those first steps towards a better way of being. So many of us have gone through your experience, either in causes or in outcomes, or both and it is a pleasure to welcome you and to express hope that we can be part of your healing journey. And just to quote Rain again...

If you have not already, please do visit www.pete-walker.com for his excellent articles, and his current book is a road map so many of us here use.

Hallo dewachen...

I am so sorry that you have suffered for so long. I was in the throes of CPTSD for 30 years before a psychotherapist pointed me in the right direction. I think Kizzies advice is so good that I'm going to quote it!

Have you been diagnosed with CPTSD?  Many of us haven't, but have read about it and see ourselves in the symptoms.  It really helps to connect with others here and talk about things many of us have never voiced before.  Like you I am in my 50's and just really beginning to understand what happened to me and to recover from the trauma.  It does open the door to more joy and happiness, there is more room for the good things in life

So welcome to the forum and to a great deal of understanding!

Hello Johnnyboy and welcome.

Just to reiterate...you msy find some extremely helpful and relevant stuff at pete walkers website as mentioned by Rain. I have been in similar places to you but with help, information and time and getting myself and my life back, step by step. I very much hope we can be part of your healing journey!

Hello CPTSD 910001!

I too had good but limited results with EMDR. It strikes me as far more suitable for single issue PTSD. I chose to work on memories that typified situations as a whole because there are too many singular traumas to work through. Perhaps that's why I didn't EF during the sessions.

But anyways, although I am new here I just wanted to welcome you to the forum :-)

Hallo and welcome Stormwolf. I am fairly new here but have found it to be full of people like ourselves, traumatised and needing understanding, information, affirmation and support. I hope that you feel at home here and also get the same sense of understanding that I feel whenever I browse through the forum. It is lovely to have you on board!

Whilst agreeing with wingnut that the need to talk is never stupid, and with cat thst no-one without CPTSD can truly understand the dynamics we feel in these situations, I would like to offer a perspective of my own. If your aunt is determined to tackle your parent(s) over their behaviour it might be a far more constructive experience if she asks why they behave the way they do towards you rather than condemning them for it straight from the off. Which will probably lead to instant defensiveness, communication breakdown and more undeserved blame. It's a small change in your aunts approach but it could make a big difference. I'm so glad you have this space at any rate. We really do care so much.