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Messages - Kizzie

#6391
For those of you who are new to the site, please note that C has kindly put together a forum for a group to work together through a workbook for survivors of emotional, physical and/or sexual abuse beginning in March.  (Again, many tks for this C  :hug:) The new forum may be found here - http://outofthefog.net/C-PTSD/forum/index.php?board=75.0

It is a structured way of approaching recovery in which the group will work together through 7 steps in each of three stages from March until May or June.  The workbook and more information may be found here -http://outofthefog.net/C-PTSD/forum/index.php?topic=937.0.   You are still welcome to post in any of the other forums of course, this is just an additional tool for recovery we are piloting.

Please note that the deadline is Feb 26th so if you'd like to join in please sign up soon  ;D
#6392
Please Introduce Yourself Here / Re: I'm back!
February 13, 2015, 08:13:25 PM
Yes, missed you Flook  :wave:   Hope your FM calms down soon!  :hug:
#6393
Recovery Journals / Re: Ana's Journey
February 12, 2015, 10:27:35 PM
I'm with Cat, I like your house analogy. I hate(d) the idea that I have to shovel away someone else's 'gift' to me, but that is life and once you get by that and pick up the shovel things do get easier.

Sorry to hear you've been struggling but glad to hear you understand why and that you need to go slowly. I find it really hard going slowly ("I want this over and done with RFN!"), but I've also come to accept (most of the time) that I need to do so to protect myself because there is a lot to deal with. 

Happy shoveling!  (Not "happy" so much but you know what I mean)   :hug:

#6394
Recovery Journals / Re: Kizzie's Journal
February 12, 2015, 10:15:55 PM
Tks Cat  :hug: I think the IC work really has helped if days like yesterday are anything to go by. 

I've also been trying to be compassionate with myself, check in with my body (Am I breathing shallowly? Where am I clenching?) and my environment (i.e., is there any real danger?), and all of that seems to be helping as well.  Oh yes, and staying clear of triggers has been huge.

#6395
Recovery Journals / Feb 12th
February 12, 2015, 09:43:16 PM
So yesterday was my gastroscopy and I am so pleased at how well it all went.  Normally I do dissociate to get through something difficult, but I stayed present before until the meds, and afterward -- OK a little fuzzy, but mostly there! 

My IC was not nearly as scared and hyper as she has been in situations like this and I didn't have to expend much effort to reassure her that it was OK. I didn't feel her wanting to sob before, during and after like she normally does when I have to have a medical procedure like this. And I did not collapse when I got home.  It all just felt normal, like integrated me went to the hospital, through the procdure and came home all as one me. Now where else could I write something like that and know everyone would get what I was saying lol!!    :hug:

So my take on the day is that in being present I was able to feel the care my H, surgeon and the nursing staff extended toward me, soak it up as it were - nice warm blanket, lots of info about what was going to happen, smiles and reassurance all around, and a snack and OJ after I came out.   Great care all around. Most of all I got to see that my IC seems to be less fearful and more trusting, thhat she is becoming more a part of me rather than a separate tightly coiled little ball of fear and pain. Huzzah  :thumbup:
#6396
The Cafe / Re: Today I realized that...
February 12, 2015, 09:20:30 PM
Hugs to your younger self :hug:, you can sit next to me on a bus any day  :yes:

And a BIG cheer for turning things around by reparenting yourself  :cheer:     

PS - I used to get pains like that in my side whenever I ran and it was a stitch which I think came from being so tense all the time - tightly coiled muscles and shallow breathing do not make the body happy when you put it to work. Once I learned to stretch out and warm up before I ran (which I hate to do by the way) I didn't get them as frequently or as bad. 
#6397
Please Introduce Yourself Here / Re: Healing healer
February 12, 2015, 09:12:26 PM
HI and welcome to OOUTS Anosognosia  :wave:   Glad you found your way here as you'll find lots of welcoming and supportive people who are dealing with CPTSD in their lives.  It really helps when people get it and you can feel safe to talk about what you've been going through finally.  If you haven't already done so, please have a read through the Member Guidelines and some of the forums and when you're ready make some more posts.   :hug:
#6398
Family / Re: Perspective Needed
February 12, 2015, 09:08:40 PM
Oh dear BeHealthy I've been wondering how you've been making out with your S.  IMO bathing is essential to health and well-being, hers and those around her so I wouldn't be at all concerned about being overbearing.

She does not sound like she is capable of taking care of herself so putting in place home health aides to help her with these kinds of issues will be a huge relief I'm sure.  Will that be it in terms of "hands-on" care that you must provide for her?  Will you have more time for you and your life once they are in place?   

Lots of  :hug:  to help you get through two long weeks.
#6399
I think you're right that if we had not been moving around and were in the same location as my FOO it would have been much more of a struggle.  I can't remember if you've been to OOTF but you may find a lot more ideas there than here about this issue. I seem to remember there are some poly members there as well although I don't know if any of them have kids. 

Enjoy your quiet time while your F 'punishes' you  :bigwink:
#6400
AV - Avoidance / Re: Using Dissociation on purpose???
February 11, 2015, 07:09:56 PM
Good explanation Anamiame.  Cat - It just feels like it does when I've spaced out watching a really good TV show. Afterward I come back and am more aware of the present and everything around me. While I'm watching the show though everything kind of fades into the background. It's not like an intense EF where I've dissociated in the face of big time emotions and then have a chemical cocktail hangover for a couple of days.

Apparently I will be sedated to some extent today so I imagine it will all go well and I will not need my dissociative super powers (but I'll keep them in my back pocket just in case.  ;D)
#6401
RE - Re-experiencing Trauma / Re: EF at work
February 11, 2015, 08:50:43 AM
SMG, don't know that your coworkers will see you any differently than the fellow who was angrily muttering away about killing himself   They will probably just think that two of their colleagues were having a bad day.  It happens.

And when it happens to any of them I'm sure you will cut them some slack because that's what (normal) people do.  I don't think you need to be extra good and useful  because there is no reason, you did not do anything wrong.

:hug:
#6402
AV - Avoidance / Re: Using Dissociation on purpose???
February 11, 2015, 08:28:08 AM
I actually think it can be used in a positive sense.  I used it at the dentist's office before there was sedation available (had a really bad experience with a dentist when I was young so use sedation if I have a couple of things done).  And I've used it after surgery, when they don't give enough pain meds -  works well when your body hurts to leave it and float away.  When I got my diagnosis of cancer in 2007 I simply dissociated and didn't come back until the next day.  I guess then I was ready to accept things.

I have to have a gastroscopy (camera down the throat)  tomorrow and am hoping I can dissociate as it's not something I want to be present in the moment for that's for darn sure.  So fingers crossed I can get it to kick in  :disappear:
#6403
AD - Emotional Dysregulation / Re: Self-regulation
February 10, 2015, 11:29:42 PM
Much as I'd like to take credit for it  ;D that's Cat's excellent writing.  And speaking of which I just realized Cat that I haven't included this in the Glossary yet so will do so.  Sorry about that  :doh:
#6404
Hi Amethyst and welcome to OOTS  :wave:   Another big fan of Breaking Bad here,  I miss it I must say :yes:   Have you seen the spinoff "Better Call Saul" yet?   My son was a big fan of Pokemon - hard to believe that it's still so popular (he's 23) - should have bought shares in that company way back lol. Anyway, I digress. 

I think you'll find that this is a welcoming and supportive community. That's quite the list of diagnoses! Many of us have been through the gamut before arriving here and even if people don't have an "official" diagnosis of CPTSD, it's not a problem - everyone here just knows they're (finally) in the right place and that CPTSD fits what they've been experiencing (or what a family member of friend has). 

Feel free to post more about yourself here when you feel comfortable or in any of the forums that seem relevant   :hug:
#6405
LOL   :yourock: