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Just knowing what the siezures are is so helpful, I didn't know I had them until someone saw me having one, then I didn't know what was happening for over a year.

Having just found out reduces the anxiety somehow, I know what it is, its 'a thing' that happens sometimes due to trauma, no biggie really, just another symptom that I now understand.

I dont have to be able to control them, just knowing what they are is enough for me to work with.

I'm thinking it might help for people to state what they were like before cptsd arrived.

I used to post on here with Ah who couldn't imagine a life before cptsd as Ah had never had a life before it.

I suspect Ah is no more, I miss Ah.

I was outgoing, confident, capable, somewhat successful.

Now I am miles away from those things.

For those who feel rejected by the world, it's the cptsd and not you.

You could try mindfulness?

Actually allow the pain to be experienced and observed, then move away to another non pain sensation, like the feel of the soles of your feet on the ground.

I dont have anxiety due to my chronic pain so I'm not sure it would help, but it might.

Dont know if this has been posted about before.

I have absence seizures, my psych thought it might be narcolepsy or epilepsy.

I've just found an item about PNES at www.epilepsy.com and that's basically what I have.

My psych didn't seem to know it existed.

It often co presents with chronic pain and ptsd, I have chronic pain and cptsd or PTSD.

I'm amazed, another odd symptom turns out to be 'a thing' which is apparently recognised...

Another piece of the puzzle.

Thank you Blueberry,

I hadn't thought of it as progress  but it is.

I would give the meds a go if it's some form of SSRI, you will know if they are working in around 2 months, sometimes they work really well.

Knowing about depression has actually helped me cope with this year's bout of it.

I recognise it as it arrives which makes it less frightening somehow.

Same with cptsd, knowing my weird symptoms are cptsd has helped me be less anxious about them.

I read somewhere (a proper psychiatric published paper) that major depressive disorder is comorbid with PTSD in 50% of people with PTSD.

The rate for cptsd comorbidity with MDD might be much higher than that I'd guess.

Keep looking into it Lily, you need to know what is happening before you can begin to tackle it, or at least that is my experience.

That is so sad to hear Kizzie.

I feel like an outsider in life, maybe that is literally true, I'm safer outside of society, like you were as a child.

Maybe recovery is partly finding your place in the world.

I'm still in the woods and wilds, physically and mentally. many of us are I think.

Thank you for posting James,

I often wonder what has happened to people who stop posting, so glad you are still working through things and seem to be moving forward, heartening to hear.

Your post made me think about our brains, the structure reflects function, advanced cognition from the frontal lobes literally added on to more primitive sub structures.

I've not thought of it that way before, not realised how trauma and threat speaks to the primitive hindbrain directly as that is partly why it evolved, the forebrain gets derailed by trauma via the hindbrain which takes control when activated.

Jordan Peterson explains that having a plan calms the hindbrain, it doesn't need to be a good plan, any plan can deactivate the hindbrain as it isn't very sophisticated.

In turn maybe this explains the intrusive thoughts/ruminating, it is the forebrain trying to think us out of our distress back to some level of proper control.

I've been going through this process for a good few years now and I'm no longer in such acute distress, some control has been regained over the hindbrain.

Forebrain led recovery, that seems to be how it works, the hindbrain cant be reasoned with, just calmed and soothed to allow the proper order and function to be established.

I'm not surprised you dont feel able to write at the moment, that is pure forebrain stuff, the hindbrain would just get in the way, marmosets dont write poetry.

'It isn't us' sounds about right.

Cptsd is a disorder arising from interpersonal trauma I think, so it doesn't happen without cause, and the cause is outside of us.

Needs remembering to fend off self blame.

Physical health includes having the ability to deal with challenges like your immune system dealing with a virus.

Mental health is about being able to respond as you did Contessa, its wonderful to hear.

I like this thread!

Is this about seeing straight through other people's stuff, their attempts to impose their stuff on you?

Is this about maintaining your own self and simply not letting others make an impact?

Brushing aside the challenges of others, not letting them have an effect on you.

This is what recovery is made of, that is resilience, well done.

Hi Dewachen,

I have experienced this for quite a few years now in the run up to a court case.

My case is still some way off but the blame is being placed upon me by the defendant.

It is part of the legal process and although it feels Intensely personal it is part of the process.

The other side create a counter narrative that excuses them and puts the blame on you.

This has caused me great stress but I am beginning to see it as a process not a judgement of me, it's just tactics for court.

My approach is to examine the claims of the other side and check the facts carefully.

They are looking for anything that can damage you, any half truth they can distort to aid them.

It is exhausting to unpick the claims and very upsetting, but they are playing a game, they probably dont even believe the claims they make, they are simply trying  to create arguments for court which you have to counter.

The key is the witness statements, in court these are what the questioning will be based on.

Refine your statement, scrutinise all the other statements to spot the half truths and spin.

Strengthen your statement in the areas which will come under attack in court, you can do this by spotting what the counter narrative is going to be, usually it's a direct attack on your character, your actions and your honesty/reliability.

In the UK the court process is adversarial, they will attempt to damage your evidence by damaging your credibility, it's simply how it works.

The process is the same in every case, even if the case were about someone selling you a faulty washing machine the manufacturer would try the same stuff, saying you did not operate it properly, any old nonsense.

In my case the distortions and half truths are shocking, but it is being done to form an argument for court, it doesn't mean the argument is true, it doesn't mean the other side even believe it is true, it's simply an argument built for the court to consider.

Your task is to put together your witness statement using the facts in order to dismantle their argument and support your own.

In my case the facts are clear but even so the other side has painted such a poor picture of me that my own legal people seem to be concerned, very dispiriting.

Treat it as court proceedings not an attack on you, hard I know, but in a way it is not personal, it's simply how the legal system works and all the judges and lawyers know how the game is played.

The other side will attack your evidence even if they know you are right and they know full well their client is at fault.

In the witness box they will try to get you to accept their suggestions even when they know their suggestions are wrong.

Do not be terrified of what will be said in court, it will be in the witness statements so you will already know the content and can prepare to refute it in your statement before court.

I wish you well.

Wow,

'It makes time just disappear and my cognitive abilities go with it.'

That is amazing, I'm on the waiting list for some sort of epilepsy tests because I have the exact same thing, I call them lost time episodes. I wonder now if they are actually EF's?

Mine last less than an hour and when they end no real time has passed as far as I am aware, it's like time jumps forward, they just leave a gap in my day which I dont tend to notice.

I'm amazed someone who is medically trained claims depression isn't real.

Like saying measles isn't real.

It's so well researched and the physiological effects of depression are so well documented that I'm at a loss.

It can be produced and then alleviated pharmacologically in rats, rats dont 'make excuses'.

That is alongside people who believe the earth is flat in my opinion, someone holding a belief that is contrary to everything that is documented.