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Went shopping with my Mum at my former local supermarket. Within 5 mins of being there I was in tears and had bad anxiety. As this happened the last time I was here I decided to admit defeat and head back to the car.

I would come here on a regular basis with the narc and just being here again was enough to bring up his abuse. I didn't feel safe and felt panicked that I might run into him or see an old neighbour. I did not realise just the prospect of seeing him would make me feel like this. The sooner I can move out of this area, the better.

Hello,

Really glad to have found this forum as there is very little online about cptsd and I have been informally diagnosed by my therapist a couple weeks back.

I've recently left a very emotionally abusive relationship from my husband. He has aspergers which is one of the reasons things took a turn for the worse but he also displays signs of covert narcissism and is sexually deviant. Maybe one day I will find the strength to share my story with you all. It's a long one, so not today!

I have been left a shell of my former self. Death by a thousand paper cuts. His lack of empathy, complete disregard for my needs and screaming meltdowns broke me. I adapted everything I did to make his life easier and try to avoid the inevitable crisises his lack of care and responsibility would put us into. I gave him everything and he gave nothing. If I dared question his behaviour it would end in him blaming me for it. After nearly 8 years I have developed severe depression, anxiety, self-isolation, very low self-esteem, morbid obesity, fear of going outside and suicidal thoughts. To top it off, since leaving I have started experiencing flashbacks, panic attacks and random amnesia.

I have initiated no contact but still find myself fixated on hating myself for allowing this to happen. I am so dusgusted and ashamed that I wasted so many years of my life with someone who simply didn't care. I am living with my parents in a very remote area. I have no money. No friends.  Can't drive. I have nothing. Yet everyone around me tells me just to get on with it and move on. I wish it were that simple. This man has destroyed me.

Thanks for listening.  Han x