Hi there, I've popped over from a thread I started as this one is specifically ASD related.
I'm surrounded by people with ASD and always have been (mum, siblings, now children, and ex husband). Empathy is real and very overwhelming for people with ASD from what I have seen, in accordance with tesscaline. For me the problem has always been that the empathy was always for other people. For my mum it is for people at work, or people she isn't very close with. For my ex-husband it was always clients or people at work. I think the safe distance allowed them to express the empathy more. I don't really know for sure, but I think I was just too close, too emotional, and too random for them to even try to understand (as it is too painful?). They also needed downtime at home, time to stop pretending to be normal. From my side though, it looked like my problems or feelings were never good enough, valid, or worth noticing. If I had known all along that they had ASD (or what that even was) then things would have been different.
The damage done by marrying someone with ASD was that it reinforced all the messages from my childhood - don't talk, be quiet, stop making a fuss, don't change your mind, don't go shopping without lists, don't have friends, certainly not in our house, and stop talking, and shh.....
Having my own son with ASD changes everything. I get to be the understanding one, and I get to teach him how to understand people, and how to SHOW that he sees them, understands, and cares. He always notices, but he just doesn't react in the way NTs do. So I teach him, step by step, how to react and talk and just be around people when they are upset or hurt. Or how what he does can hurt people. He's only 8, but he is such a sensitive guy, and is very thoughtful (wow) especially when someone is hurting. Thank goodness for diagnosis. He also knows he has ASD, and will be able to tell and guide a future partner - and not end up here like us. So regardless of my own issues, I feel like it stops here, with my generation. After the damage I can see coming from my grandma, to my mother, to my siblings, that is a good thing. There is also a ripple effect, my mum is finally seeing herself a little more clearly, and her own mother (who is 90!) and brother.
I'll have to watch the video later (kids about!) but I'm just fascinated that other people relate and to have this all be 'real' finally.
I've been found by the kids so better go, my son is fascinated by the animated emoticons.
I'm surrounded by people with ASD and always have been (mum, siblings, now children, and ex husband). Empathy is real and very overwhelming for people with ASD from what I have seen, in accordance with tesscaline. For me the problem has always been that the empathy was always for other people. For my mum it is for people at work, or people she isn't very close with. For my ex-husband it was always clients or people at work. I think the safe distance allowed them to express the empathy more. I don't really know for sure, but I think I was just too close, too emotional, and too random for them to even try to understand (as it is too painful?). They also needed downtime at home, time to stop pretending to be normal. From my side though, it looked like my problems or feelings were never good enough, valid, or worth noticing. If I had known all along that they had ASD (or what that even was) then things would have been different.
The damage done by marrying someone with ASD was that it reinforced all the messages from my childhood - don't talk, be quiet, stop making a fuss, don't change your mind, don't go shopping without lists, don't have friends, certainly not in our house, and stop talking, and shh.....
Having my own son with ASD changes everything. I get to be the understanding one, and I get to teach him how to understand people, and how to SHOW that he sees them, understands, and cares. He always notices, but he just doesn't react in the way NTs do. So I teach him, step by step, how to react and talk and just be around people when they are upset or hurt. Or how what he does can hurt people. He's only 8, but he is such a sensitive guy, and is very thoughtful (wow) especially when someone is hurting. Thank goodness for diagnosis. He also knows he has ASD, and will be able to tell and guide a future partner - and not end up here like us. So regardless of my own issues, I feel like it stops here, with my generation. After the damage I can see coming from my grandma, to my mother, to my siblings, that is a good thing. There is also a ripple effect, my mum is finally seeing herself a little more clearly, and her own mother (who is 90!) and brother.
I'll have to watch the video later (kids about!) but I'm just fascinated that other people relate and to have this all be 'real' finally.
I've been found by the kids so better go, my son is fascinated by the animated emoticons.