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That's what I do..it's depression.
People wouldn't understand how years  of sexual, physical, emotional abuse can stay with you. They think that once you're out of the environment you recover. I can't pick which incident caused me to think, feel, behave, and live this way? There's too many to recall? People would sum up this affliction as crazy...how could simple things cause such a reaction?? No, they wouldn't understand what it's like to be this way....depression, is the closest experience they could relate to. Other people caused this. It's not something we're born with, there's no magic pill to balance our brain chemicals. There's no therapy that we can find self and rebuild what has been lost in life. We're not broken because we can't be fixed. We survive, because of what someone did to us, repeatedly over time. Whatever it takes...survive!

Yeah, I know how it is. I have no safe place. Go to work, I feel unsafe. Go home I feel unsafe. Trigger and hate and anger and blame is apart of my every minute. With every word of certain people, I want to make them go away. Yet, I can not....powerless...victimized...unloved. what a life.

If only I could regenerate around people. I'm on the other end of the spectrum. I need to be alone or my life force feels depleted. I need brain mushing (doing much of nothing) to regain the emotional strength that it takes to survive daily triggers.
I do understand the need for social connection as that is also quite therapeutic, and necessary. Being around people who care for your well being can provoke a sense of safeness.