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Messages - Bodhi_§

#1
Checking Out / Re: Needing a break
January 24, 2022, 12:37:51 PM
It all sounds very familiar what you are going through BluePalm. Grief is a unique journey and if you want to talk about that you should. If the T insists on going to schema-therapy, which can be helpfull, but you don't, than just call up another T who will counsel you with your grief.

When my father, the narcissitic psychopath, died last summer, I read a little childrens book about handling grief. It helped me a lot, because my little me needed that.

It's great to have you here :)  :heythere:
#2
Hello Kizzie,

Thank you for this. I have a ferocious inner and outer critic at the moment. I am at a point that I rather stay in my room instead of going outside, because I have a general distrust in people and also ... I don't trust myself at the moment.

Do you have any advice on what can help me going through this stage of confrontation of the trauma therapy I am going through at the moment?

Is it normal at this stage that my energy is very low?

Thank you for al your help.

:Idunno:
#3
Hello Zanzoken,

Thank you for your reply. It's a new journey of healing for me and I am enjoying this spiritual journey. Thanks you very much. Feels good to be back alive.  :bigwink:
#4
 Hello everyone :)

It's so nice to have found this community of OOTS. I felt so alone until now. I am a survivor of an narcist father who was an alcoholic and a raging violent maniac when he was drunk and under the influence of medication and steroids. He was a brilliant doctor and was very violent to his first family and the second one also. He recently died of glioblastoma type 4, a very agressive braincancer and now I am finally starting to grieve about my childhood, teenage and young adolesence. My mother is bipolar and has been a toxicomaniac as long as I can remember. She has had numerous suicide attempts  and of course they were all subliminal linked to me obviously. She also is a respected radiologist and bloodvesselsurgeon. She on the other hand was very passive agressive and obscenely obsessed with me, as I was more her lifepartner than her son.

I was raised in drama daily. Since february I started Trauma therapy and I have been diagnosed with severe CPTSD. My therapist says that I have been abused verbally, emotionally, physically and that I am blocking out the sexual abuse, because it's just too much.

It's a lot to take in, even for me writing this down and sharing this with the community. I've been bullied, until I started to fight back of course, but the thing that kills me the most is the meticulously horrendous emotional neglect and abuse that I've experienced from the womb untill now.

I am currently living in a grouphome that upholds sobriety and working hard at sorting CPTSD out.

I am sorry if I have triggered anyone with my introduction. This is just the tip of my CPTSD Iceberg.

Much love to you all and thank you for the OOTS website and community.  :)
#5
New Members / Re: What's in a Name Part 2
July 06, 2021, 05:49:22 PM
Hi everybody,

My username Bodhi comes from Bodhisattva and is something I picked while browing on Buddhism. I hope I can one day be a person who achieves this.  :)
#6
Family / Re: Death of an Abusive Parent
July 06, 2021, 02:42:23 PM
Hello Jazzy,

Thank you for the reply. It's a lot to take in at the moment. Especially after reading Awaking the Tiger and now currently reading Complex CPTSD: From Surviving to Thriving. I feel guilty at the moment even talking like this about my parents, even when I had to endure horrendous situations with both of them...

Which is a good way to start using OOTS ? Any advice is welcome at the moment...
#7
Family / Re: Death of an Abusive Parent
July 06, 2021, 10:52:33 AM
Hello, I am going through the same situation right now and also feel lost in anger, grief and a lot of other emotions that are blowing me away on a daily basis. This is very complex to me and I just recently started traumatherapy for CPTSD. All very confusing at the moment...
#8
General Discussion / Re: Info/Resources
July 06, 2021, 10:46:58 AM
Thank you for this. It helps me a lot to know that there are other survivors  out there. I'm feeling less alone each time I visit the OOTS website. Thank you