The Face I Show You
You are in blissful ignorance of my struggle.
You could never imagine what I have been through.
My past is worse than any story you could imagine.
So I protect you from the truth.
I keep you in the dark from the seething pain in my mind.
I keep you at arms length.
Maybe we don't know each other at all.
I have carefully chosen the face I show you.
In a way I tricked you into loving me.
If you really knew me I'm almost certain you would see me as I see myself.
I am angry because you don't ask.
I am angry because you don't know to ask.
I hope you like the face you see.
It is crafted just for you.
:grouphug: I'm speechless, Deep Blue. Thank you for sharing.
Hi Deep Blue,
That is a deep poem, it said a lot. You wrote it so well, and conveyed so much. Powerful and poetic.
Hope :)
Thanks Estella and hope,
I was sort of angry when I wrote it.
Deep Blue, that's hauntingly beautiful and precise. Every word rings true.
I completely get feeling somewhat angry when you wrote it. The invisibility in everyone just accepting our facades without questioning them is like a raw nerve, well it is for me sometimes.
I'd quote you if I could, but I can't because it would break the spell of the face I show. :blink:
Ah,
Thanks so much. It is definitely a raw nerve for me. Quote away ;)
Pow! The lines about your anger, and that last line. Strong stuff. Look forward to reading more from you, Deep Blue.--LittleBoat
We do craft our face for others don't we? You captured this so well Deep Blue :hug:
Thanks Kizzie and Littleboat. Writing is one of my tools for getting those emotions out of me and helping me to heal. So many different pasts, yet our traumas allow us to understand each other so well. Thanks for reading :grouphug:
I'm just pinging this poem because it's relevant to what is going on with me right now. I may be ready to take off my mask with my husband soon???? Well I'm workin on it...
:cheer: :cheer: :cheer: cheering you on in your journey!
:yeahthat: and a big :grouphug:
First... I love the poem.
I have run people off so many times when I opened up to them, and show what I am going through. I call it the "Avalanche Release"... it can be a bit overwhelming... working on a happy medium where I share, but don't over-share. This is a still a major problem area for me.
I think I pick people who I don't have a lot vested in, so I can gauge the reactions without ruining something that will hurt.
Also, I am still trying to figure out what my "real face" is...
So this poem captures that hesitation, fear, sense of dread, that I have when considering sharing with someone who really matters... where it would really hurt if I drove them away.
As for your revealing this hidden self to your husband, I think it is incredibly brave, and I know you are probably terrified.
We are all rooting for you.
I have very little advice here (considering my track record), except to say... take the step anyway.
Wow. Really beautifully written Deep Blue. That really resonated with me. I felt it k-thunk in my heart.
I wish I had beautiful words to say back. I'm deep in thought. Thank you.
Wow, this poem was amazingly. Relate to it so much. In public, among friends or at work im seen as the girl qho smiles a lot and is cracking jokes all the time. Im the one seen as usually making sure everyone is having fun. When really, its to make others smile so they dont feel the darkness i fight every minute of every day.
However i talk about CPTSD matter of factly because you never know who is listening, who may be suffering and is too scared to seek help. Thats the only way i can accept everything i went through.
However, even then, its still a mask. Im making fun of the events that happened... or turn it around.... never show how sad and beat down i really am. The only person that knows is my husband. He has been my rock and is the one that encouraged me to seek help.
Im cheering for you deepblue. <3 you got this, your husband wouldnt be your husband if he didnt love you 😊
MoonBeam,
I appreciate what you wrote very much. Things don't have to sound nice.... they just need to come from the heart :yes: ❤️❤️
Eco warrior,
The way you describe yourself strikes a chord with me. I'm the joke maker, the life of the party, it's my mission to help others.
The only difference is that I don't talk trauma... too ashamed you see? I did speak with my husband last night though... so that is a HUGE step for me. May I also just say that I wish I had an ounce of your artistic talent? I've seen everything you post in the art section and think you are amazing
Wow thank you so much <3 That means more than you can imagine. Been dealing with imposter syndrome....I have actually been blocked lately but it's probably because its May right now.... trigger dates central for me whoo hoo... Not too sure lol
How interesting. They always say that those that laugh the loudest are the ones that have suffered the most, and I wonder if it's because we take advantage of the moments we can laugh, we can find the humor in everything because if not.... at least for me, all I would see is darkness.
BTW I am so proud of you for talking to your husband! THAT IS HUGE! Little by little, cheering for you deep blue <3
I love this poem. It really resonates with me.
Thanks very much Snowdrop. I really like your name
Snowdrops are one of my favourite flowers. I like having them in the garden because they know when winter's coming to an end before I do.