I've been good lately. I was self harming three times a week or so before I went into the hospital. Since I have been out (5 months) I can count on one hand how many times I have relapsed. I had a huge relapse on Friday. It was a difficult evening out, that was suppose to be great. It was my son't last night out, his choice. The experience was awful. Our meals came out one at a time. My son asked that I don't complain, so I didn't. The waitress felt horrible, so she kept refilling my wine glass, on the house. Bad idea, my kids were driving so I thought, why not.
I self harmed once we got home. Locked myself in the bedroom and I did. However, it was escalated, not so much in the cutting, but location. I alluded to it today, I am sure she got it. It didn't feel good. I looked away as I tried to select my words carefully when she asked what did I do? How bad was it? I said it wasn't how bad it was, it was more the location. A place I have never self harmed before. I wasn't relieved for telling, I was mortified.
Can I just offer you a safe, gentle hug? I know this landmark has been a hugely triggering event for you, his going off to school. When my youngest left home, I was really shaken. I'm glad you have the support of your T and us, and others for this difficult time. I'm with you.
Dee, I'm sorry I didn't see this at the time. If I had, I would've replied. I hope you're feeling better now.
My body just ran cold for you, it does sometimes for other people. Because I don't have any words for you. Can I offer you a safe hug instead?
I sometimes feel mortified in T with what I'm telling, especially one type of self-harm that I haven't even written about here. Really the mortification belongs with the abusers. Might be here in your case too.
Also you were dealing with so many difficult things that evening. On top of everything else, you might have complained to the waitress, but you didn't because your son asked you not to.
Thanks, I'm feeling much better. I'v had a better week. With a holiday on Monday my appointment this week was moved until tomorrow. I suspect that we will keep moving forward and not dwell on one bad night.
Thank you for the support.