Hi there,
It has been 40yrs since I first suffered abuse, torture and brainwashing which continued over many years, that led to addiction in early adulthood, violence and fear followed by several abusive relationships and loss. I am now nearly fifty and have only just received a diagnosis, but not yet had any real help apart from a little CBT.
I have however some insight into my condition as I work in social care, behaviour to be more exact, so I had recognised a long time ago I wasn't the same as the other guys, but it has taken me a while to get to the position where I thought... "Right I need help now".
So here I am, and I will consider advice from where ever I can get it.
Thanks
Martin :)
Hi Martin!
Glad you're here. Welcome! :)
Hello and welcome to you, Martin 68!
For me, learning about the differences between ptsd and cptsd was important. I felt validated by information about the effects of trauma on the brain in "The Body Keeps The Score" by Dr van Der Kolk, and found real, practical suggestions for dealing with emotional flashbacks, etc., in "CPTSD: From Surviving To Thriving" by Pete Walker. (There is also a website, http://pete-walker.com.)
You don't say whether you currently have a therapist but I would suggest that you inform yourself about CPTSD, as there is much disagreement within the health care community regarding what cptsd is and how it should be treated. The "Resources" section of this site has some downloads for you and/or your therapist (if you choose therapy). http://www.outofthestorm.website/downloads/Hope that helps! Thanks for joining :wave:
hey, martin68, glad you made it here.
i don't know about specific advice except maybe a suggestion to take a look around the forum. there is so much information, so many wonderful people sharing their stories that you may be able to learn and relate and find support for yourself as you make your way through the jungle of c-ptsd and into the clarity of recovery. welcome.
Hi Martin68, :heythere:
"I need help now"
I've been there. Glad you found your way here. I am fairly new myself. There is lots of info here and friendly support.
Welcome!
Thanks for the welcome everyone, it is much appreciated.
Just to answer Three Roses' question, I am currently seeing a therapist from a charity I was trustee for many years ago, I did this because of the six month wait I had to endure before my initial appointment with Talking Matters, followed by their exclamations that my case was far too complex for them to deal with and my referral to Psychology.
So basically I have been waiting nine months for access to help and the only help I have managed to access was arranged myself from professional connections... very poor indeed.
But I'm functioning and muddling through, I do the things I can to try and improve life for myself, social contact and exercise, I avoid alcohol as it's really not helpful. I try to be less reactionary in situations and do my best not to make snap decisions in my relationships.
But it's really hard work, in fact it's exhausting!
Are you in the UK? I think there are several who can commiserate with you about long waits for help.
I am from the US. My mother is a UK citizen and my sister is dual. My sister has been trying to talk me into getting my UK citizenship for over a year. I do not see why I need to as I don't plan to live there. Honestly, hearing all the problems there with health care is angering for me. A year ago my favorite uncle pass away from basically mental health issues. He had gotten to the point where he didn't leave his house, not even to take out trash. No one helped him and I was in another country not knowing how bad he was. He had reached out to a psychiatrist too. I am glad you found another outlet. There are several here that are waiting.
Timelines are different for everyone, but don't rush therapy. If there is anything I have learned is that patience is super important and it will come when you are ready.
Yes Dee I'm in the UK.
The NHS here is great for most things and they do a good job, but talking therapies is very low down on the list of their priorities, so I know I will have to wait.
So I will just have to be patient and not expect any quick solutions, although any break from this I could get would be a great relief I must say.
Hi and a warm welcome to OOTS Martin :heythere:
Finding a therapist seems to be a common problem for many of us no matter what country we live in unfortunately, in particular T's who are trained and experienced in Complex PTSD. There is a list of searchable databases for therapists here that may help - http://outofthefog.net/C-PTSD/forum/index.php?topic=881.0
I am currently looking into distance therapy and although I haven't gotten overly far there is one comparison table of some current options here - http://www.e-counseling.com/compare-online-counseling/?imt=1. I can't vouch for how credible this info is as I'm just in the process of trying to track down more info about the host "e-counseling.com" but it may be helpful as far as having some choices.
The other thing which might help you to find a suitable T is a new form I just added to the "Downloads" section under "Resources" titled "Locating a Trauma Therapist" (https://static1.squarespace.com/static/56983ac169492ecf0c7dc1c7/t/587bcae646c3c4be42a6630f/1484507878877/Locating+a+Trauma+Therapist.pdf)
Hope some of this is helpful!
Thanks for the info Kizzie, I did look at it and there are therapists close to me, but no more qualified than the one I see already.
I've managed to create a rapport with the lady I see once a week, although I do feel frustrated at times, like I'm ready for the next step, whatever that might be.
I do have moments of real clarity where I really do understand why I am how I currently am, but have little idea of how I can alter this. I feel that unlocking and revisiting past experiences over and over again is of no benefit to me anymore, I know why I do and react and feel like this, I would just like to be able to change it. :stars:
But I suppose I have come a long way from where I was twenty years ago, I was like a headless chicken, bouncing from wall to wall...
have you talked to your therapist about how you're feeling? maybe she can locate or get educated about trauma exercises that can help eliminate or heal what's been troubling you. i agree that talk will only go so far with this. wishing you luck that you can move to the next level.
Quote from: sanmagic7 on January 18, 2017, 12:41:38 AM
have you talked to your therapist about how you're feeling? maybe she can locate or get educated about trauma exercises that can help eliminate or heal what's been troubling you. i agree that talk will only go so far with this. wishing you luck that you can move to the next level.
Thanks for the advice Sanmagic. You know, I used to think I knew best about everything, I didn't rely on anyone else's opinion too much, mostly due to the trust issues I have, but also because I used to believe and still do most of the time, that people don't really care, I mean not "really".
So like in your signature, I am trying now to learn from everything and everyone I can, just in case something they say or do might help eventually fix the damage, or heal something if that's what I need.
But it has been a struggle over the years. I went through many years of addiction in my 20s where I never found anyone within addiction services who would look at my problems holistically, they weren't interested why I self medicated, then I was turned away from GP surgeries when I asked for help with my mental health issues, because I mentioned addiction problems.
Luckily these days I am able to function without substances or medication at a level where I can get by daily and hold down a good job, but it takes a lot of mental gymnastics keeping myself from going under at times.
But you are right, I need to try and explain these things better to my therapist and see what she can do.
you're quite welcome. i can relate to thinking i knew it all - pretty grandiose of me! i keep that signature to remind myself of what is important for me - to not overlook people just because they're not the same something as me. it was quite a lesson to learn.
good luck with your therapist. i hope talking to her will help get you what you need. (by the by, i've had that same experience because of addictions. grrrr!) big hug!
I find myself in a position which I'm not unaccustomed to where I am really ready to kick off big style, because some * disagreed where I was so obviously correct.
So how do we deal with these situations, please help.
when i'm in such a position, i realize that this is not a person who wants to debate, but wants to win, so i keep my power by letting the person think they won by just being innocuous about it. i'll say something like 'agree to disagree' or 'i'll think on that' and let it go. i don't want to waste my time and energy on people like this anymore. i used to try to get them to see my point, to understand, to get them to change their perspective, but it was never really satisfying or had a pos. ending. so i quit, and i feel much happier within myself for doing so.
best to you with this, martin. it ain't always easy, but there is always a way. big hug!
Quote from: sanmagic7 on February 02, 2017, 10:12:17 AM
when i'm in such a position, i realize that this is not a person who wants to debate, but wants to win, so i keep my power by letting the person think they won by just being innocuous about it. i'll say something like 'agree to disagree' or 'i'll think on that' and let it go. i don't want to waste my time and energy on people like this anymore. i used to try to get them to see my point, to understand, to get them to change their perspective, but it was never really satisfying or had a pos. ending. so i quit, and i feel much happier within myself for doing so.
best to you with this, martin. it ain't always easy, but there is always a way. big hug!
Thanks for the support once again.
I find it really exhausting keeping a lid on those feelings of rage I experience, they come over me in reasonably ordinary situations.
I do manage to keep control in these situations, I just wish I didn't have to, it's tiring. The feeling of being on high alert all the time means that it doesn't take much to push me over the edge, then I have to closely manage my behaviour and reactions.
It's a real pain in the butt.
martin, i think that as you continue with your recovery, you'll discover the roots of those rages, be able to explore them, and eventually either eliminate or understand better how to manage them. is there a safe way that you can get some of that anger out? i've learned that rage is anger mixed with shame. my favorite is pounding my bed, yelling at the top of my lungs. making noise (i was always taught to be seen but not heard) is very cathartic for me.
it's horrible to think you have to keep it all inside. you don't - just find a way to let it out that doesn't hurt you or anyone else. maybe your therapist can give you some suggestions. and i think when you discover the root causes of that anger, you will have something to focus it on. i've found that to be most productive and gives me the most relief. big hug!
Quote from: sanmagic7 on February 03, 2017, 03:00:31 PM
martin, i think that as you continue with your recovery, you'll discover the roots of those rages, be able to explore them, and eventually either eliminate or understand better how to manage them. is there a safe way that you can get some of that anger out? i've learned that rage is anger mixed with shame. my favorite is pounding my bed, yelling at the top of my lungs. making noise (i was always taught to be seen but not heard) is very cathartic for me.
it's horrible to think you have to keep it all inside. you don't - just find a way to let it out that doesn't hurt you or anyone else. maybe your therapist can give you some suggestions. and i think when you discover the root causes of that anger, you will have something to focus it on. i've found that to be most productive and gives me the most relief. big hug!
I feel like I am constantly spinning plates... do you know what I mean by that? Lol.
I have tried to put things in place for myself as I have learned along the way what works for me, those tools which I can use to manage the various parts/aspects of my condition as it is.
Things like increasing my social contact with people who are good for me, trying to keep up a helpful level of exercise, I find mountain biking helps me, it puts me in touch with the outdoors and the men I cycle with I actually went to primary school with 40years ago. Some days I just don't want to see anyone, but do my best to keep it up.
I just learned a little bit about my inner critic, what I used to previously call my internal narrator, I have been trying strategies to help with this and am learning how I can pull myself out of negative loops by dragging myself back into the moment... a work in progress with this, but I'm trying, this can often be necessary dozens of times in one day.
These are just a few of the things that contribute to a better day for me, but as you can see, there are a few plates to spin there, this is even without considering living up to the daily expectations of putting bread on the table and paying the bills, being a father, son, husband, brother... etc... so no pressure here. :stars:
So yep... plate spinning. It's not always easy.
no, it isn't. i hear ya. i'm in the middle of some of that myself right now. ugh!
ever onward. big hug!
Quote from: sanmagic7 on February 03, 2017, 11:30:44 PM
no, it isn't. i hear ya. i'm in the middle of some of that myself right now. ugh!
ever onward. big hug!
Hey... hope you are ok? Maybe you need some of then hugs yourself just now... :hug:
You are welcome... ;D
love them! they felt great! thanks, martin 68. feeling better today, calmer. i hope you are, too.
:bighug: for you Martin and :bighug: for you San.
I hope today is a better day for you both :yes:
Quote from: sanmagic7 on February 05, 2017, 11:40:14 PM
love them! they felt great! thanks, martin 68. feeling better today, calmer. i hope you are, too.
I feel better with the support I feel from you and others here. This forum is working for me I think... many thanks to you all. :yourock:
Quote from: Kizzie on February 06, 2017, 04:10:48 PM
:bighug: for you Martin and :bighug: for you San.
I hope today is a better day for you both :yes:
Yes a better day today, thanks for the hug, very much appreciated. ;D
:cheer: