I've started looking for a therapist. Kind of confused right now.
Hmm, how do I find someone I am comfortable with long-term?
Are my expectations realistic?
I guess this will be a bit of a rant...
Most of therapists say they specialize on anxiety and depression, and even trauma :fallingbricks:.
You see, the thing I am confused about is why the two therapists I've talked to would not comment back on how far I've come in my recovery. They'd start with "what do you do for a living" and keep it there. They'd acknowledge that I am a university student and praise my academic effort, yet no one would see past these look-good-on-a-resume badges and talk about what it really takes to pull yourself out of *.
Recovering from severe mental illness has cost me more time, effort and energy than anything else in my life. Being a student comes nowhere near that. But, unless I become a peer support worker, no one wants to hear about mental illness, disability and recovery. Not even the two therapists I've talked with. I kinda wanted to start from there and avoid discussing some of the more external stuff for some time.
My experience with mental health workers in government-sponsored programs (I'm in Canada) has been mostly positive :hug:. I love those folks, but the programs are short-term. These guys often notice each person's progress, even if that person is not enrolled in school or is not employed. Yes, I used to be that girl. No job, no degree, no social life. Locked in my apartment, completely alone. So I am really grateful for all these short-term CBT and DBT and WRAP groups that are offered around here for free. I now have many more tools in my self-care tool box.
But I kinda expect paid therapy(covered by my school insurance) to be somewhat like that, too.
Fighting a disease takes a lot of energy and commitment, yet I can't put that experience on my resume or discuss it at a networking event.
But can I talk about that with a therapist, please? Someone who really gets it would be nice.
Anyone can become disabled and unfit for service. And this life experience is no less valuable than any other.
hey, ruby,
it sounds to me like you haven't found the right therapist yet, not the right fit. i'm not sure why neither one was more interested in your recovery. being a therapist myself, that's what seems most important to me. not to belittle your other accomplishments - being able to be a student after struggling with mental health issues is a tremendous achievement, i agree - but what it's taken you to get there, and what you need to know and do to continue moving forward, well, yeah, i think that's well worth exploring in quite some detail.
i don't know how the system works in canada (i'm in the u.s.) so i don't know how easy it is to change therapists. one thought, tho - could you speak to your present therapist about your concerns and your focus? maybe that will get the ball rolling in the right direction for you. just thought i'd throw that into the mix. you do have power even while sitting in the client's chair, and absolutely deserve to use it. i hope you find a way to get your needs met. it's so important.
Hi Sanmagic7,
Thanks for your comment. I really appreciate it when people share how they see things. It helps me see things from more different angles. And, hey, this is a good idea to communicate about how I feel. I'll keep that in mind next time I go looking for a therapist.
I have not found a therapist yet but have connected with a peer support worker who is very understanding. Just having someone there to listen to you non-judgmentally, to be there with you in that moment is so-so helpful, I find.
Visual Thinking & Negative Thinking
I am a very visual person. Lately, I've been researching Jungian psychology. I am really curious about how to interpret those symbols that my mind throws at me in dreams or daydreams. And, once I interpret these images, the next step would be to take that message and do something about it in the real world, to actually listen to my Authentic Self and then do something. I believe it is important to take action, in my case at least, because I want to follow through and actually change my situation. I can't just think myself out of it. I need to do things to teach my body and my brain new habits.
But how do I actually do it?
It takes some practice to be able to translate visuals into, say, written language. Some people on Youtube actually teach how to synchronize brain hemispheres. Apparently, that makes it easier to interpret dreams and symbols that come from the depths of the unconscious mind. My question is how do I actually get things done once I know what I need to work on.
I do better when there's structure. It's kinda hard for me to get organized all by myself. I need that physical environment sometimes to remind me to keep going (like school deadlines, lol :bigwink:) Like, I know I am stuck in this destructive pattern of a rebel who ends up destroying herself. Now that I have interpreted the image, how do I devise a plan to change myself? I am not sure what I need exactly to mature and move forward. Just random ideas like get therapy, eat healthy, join a WRAP support group, volunteer and learn new skills for work and for fun, read.... Yeah, but... Something is missing. Not sure what it is yet. So I will keep searching.
CBT and Jungian analysis come together
Here's one idea I find interesting - combining CBT and Jungian approaches. Take the rebel story I am working with as an example. I want to stay mindful about the symbols that I get and also to be mindful of what I think about these symbols and my interpretations of them. Right now I am feeling afraid of what this rebel story means to me. I am not where I want to be, and what if it is a dangerous situation to be in! At the same time, I don't want to catastrophize it(CBT thought distortion). Trying to stay neutral or be positive about it. I can re-frame it and find new ways of looking at it.
P.S. I make some of the words here bold just so it is easier for you to scan through my posts. Hope it helps and is not too annoying.
:thumbup:
Hi again :)
I come here to find new recovery tips and ideas.
Physical exercise seems to help.
I've signed up for fitness classes and have been going for the past 3 weeks. I tend to feel better when I work out.
But then on other days I stay home, work on my computer(I have to), and end up feeling very isolated and depressed. Breaking the cycle is difficult because my social anxiety goes out of proportion and I have to make a lot of effort to even go grocery shopping.
The only thing I am looking forward to is the JavaScript workshop this weekend :)
i'm very glad you have something to look forward to, i've always enjoyed having something like that in my life.
since your workout classes helped you feel better, i hope you'll be able to continue with them at some point. maybe it won't always be a regular thing, but even once in a while can help break that isolated feeling and give you practice in feeling more comfortable in social settings, i think. keep moving, ruby. you're doing good. big hug.
sanmagic7, thanks for your kind words ))
I am going through a relapse.
Things are falling apart.
It is difficult to communicate with people, to concentrate on my work, to get enough sleep.
Just gotta survive this somehow.
Hopefully my doc will prescribe an antidepressant.
Hi Ruby,
From the posts you have made, it seems to me you've been working hard on trying to recover on your own. Which is incredibly hard. I hope you have some support people that you can lean a little on now that you feel things are falling apart.
It's good to hear that you felt physical activity has helped you, all the research says it does. I hope you are able to continue with that now that things get difficult for you, hopefully it'll help you bounce back faster.
Can you nap during the day? I know it's not always recommended, but if you're low on sleep, everything gets harder. So maybe daytime naps will help? Sending you warm thoughts
Hey Ruby.
I agree with Sceal. Sleep makes us all a little more cranky, exhausted, anxious and depressed. I want to send some hope, love, rest and care to you, alright?
:hug:
here's hoping you get what you need, ruby. i feel ya on this one at this time in my life, too. just working to survive another day sometimes takes all we have.
someone mentioned naps - i'm a regular napper. since i never get enough sleep at night, i find it's the only thing that helps me feel somewhat good enough to make it thru the day.
hang tough, sweetie. sending a hug filled with warmth, love, and compassion.
Thanks so much, guys. It is very encouraging to see your kind words.
:grouphug:
I love napping. It's very healing. I had to start taking anti-anxiety pills again. Hopefully, it's just a phase.
Sorry I didn't respond right away. Was very overwhelmed with my 7 college courses - but now it's all over and I am very happy about that.
So grateful that this discussion board exists.
It's alright to take things at your own pace here, and I'm glad that OOTS exists too. :hug:
DecimalRocket, thanks for understanding :)
Social Anxiety - Navigating Social Situations when Depressed and Anxious
One day I have a smile on my face and then the next day I can't help but look at the ground all the time. My body language reflects how I feel inside and it's difficult to wear a happy mask all the time because, when I am depressed, I have very little energy to maintain that external fluff.
Antidepressants help with this issue but I get used to a new dose quickly and then my doc has to increase it.
This is another reason why I tend to stay to myself in social situations.
My plan is to make sure my medication dose is adjusted properly and to try and practice social skills when I feel less vulnerable. I am going to do some volunteer work while preparing for a job search.
The big question is how to fall asleep at night and wake up at the right time every morning.
I've had trouble with this one for more than 10 years. Gotta think of some solutions before I get a full-time job :heythere:.