Hi all,
In speaking with my therapist about emotional neglect, she briefly mentioned that she thinks the pattern of neglect is the reason my memory developed poorly. Something about how when we're young children we experience things primarily as feelings/emotions without really putting words to experiences. It seems like she was saying that without proper emotional support the brain doesn't properly get away from processing experiences into full-fledged memories... leaving us with emotional memories rather than clear memories that we can describe.
Does that make sense? Can anyone point me to more information about this topic, namely, the effects of abuse and neglect on the development of a person's ability to process life & store memories?
A good bit of my personal history is one big, hazy blur with bits of events scattered throughout. What I do remember, I remember primarily with how it felt/what my emotion was at the time. My memory tends to be out of context with time and I struggle to put things in chronological order. Even as an adult, I've forgotten entire vacations and needed photographic evidence to remind me of the event. Details go the way of the wind... what I wore a week ago or a conversation I had a month ago. If I don't write things down I know I'll lose track of them as if it was never there. (Kinda scary sometimes!)
Is this "normal" or is it, as I assume, another side-effect of ptsd? Do you think your ability to store and recall memories has been affected by your experiences?
Thanks, I appreciate any kind of response! Let's hope I remember to check back :bigwink:
In Pete Walker's book "Complex PTSD: from surviving to Thriving", he discusses different types of amnesia we form as coping mechanisms in the face of the abuse/neglect we've suffered. He has a website, pete-walker.com ... you may find something there. Also see "dissociative amnesia", or dissociation.
I'm new to all this too ... that's all I can tell you. We're here for you :hug:
I just read this now... Papillon, we can shake hands on this, I recently wrote about this in my recovery journal. My memory is horrible. Especially what you wrote about vacations: my husband will take photographs specially for me. We put them in an electronic photo frame so that I can remember our holidays.
I found a research article a while ago about this and yes, it may be a symptom of (C-)PTSD
http://www.pandys.org/articles/invisibleepidemic.html
Conclusion
Traumatic stress, such as that caused by childhood sexual abuse, can have far-reaching effects on the brain and its functions. Recent studies indicate that extreme stress can cause measurable physical changes in the hippocampus and medial prefrontal cortex, two areas of the brain involved in memory and emotional response. These changes can, in turn, lead not only to classic PTSD symptoms, such as loss and distortion of memory of events surrounding the abuse, but also to ongoing problems with learning and remembering new information. These findings may help explain the controversial phenomenon of "recovered" or delayed memories. They also suggest that how we educate, rehabilitate and treat PTSD sufferers may need to be reconsidered.
Thanks, great info annakoen :D
Psych meds can hang a number on your memory too.
Does anybody think this could be part of the explanation for object constancy? It's something that gets me the most, when I cannot remember that people love and care for me, or that they even remember me. It would make sense.
My doctor increased my meds last Wensday and I've been forgetting things left and right. I just got out of the grocery store with a cart full of perishables and realized I locked my car keys in the car. Now the stress of being locked out with a cart full of perishables is triggering an EF and EBS.
Oh dear! I hope you're able to get in your car and get home soon :hug: :hug:
Thanks, I couldn't remember if I had paid my AAA renewal. I never got my new card. Maybe it's somewhere in the piles of mail on my kitchen table. Anyway I gave them a call and was shortly thereafter rescued. For the rest of the day my inner critic tortured me mercilessly for being so helplessly inept. I had suicidal ideations and a strong desire to self harm. If a dear friend hadn't called later that evening. I don't know if I would be here today.
Hi, I too have serious trouble remembering things like trips or people I have met, events, things that happen randomly etc, Usually no rhyme or reason what I forget though. I put it down to being hyper vigilant + massively stressed as a child which turned into dissociation, one of my go-to responses courtesy of C-PTSD.
I noticed my memory taking a nose dive somewhere around 16-17 years old. With a young child, sleepless nights and juggling running a business/home life it's so bad to the point where I won't remember even major details of conversations I had yesterday. If I don't write it down I won't remember. I grew up in a mostly emotionally neglectful and sometimes abusive household. I never understood it to be the reason for this decline until now.
What your therapist said is interesting for me. I immediately thought of the explanation I was given for trauma affecting the brain, that before you heal the trauma there are bits of memory scattered about. Memory of sound in one part of your brain, the visuals somewhere else, the narrative in a third place etc. and that one thing they're trying for in EMDR or whatever other method is to bring all these parts of the puzzle together.
I imagine it's normal for us anyway, as another side effect of c-ptsd.
I used to have a really good memory, like an elephant ;D . It took a nose dive when FOO recommended I forget those bad things that might have happened (and forgive of course too). I tried so hard to forget I lost the good memories too. I'd had really beautiful and colourful visual memories of the natural world, holidays, pets.... I lost them and they've never come back, tho lots of the bad memories re-surfaced of course. My visual memory has remained bad. Then my memory took a further nose dive when I got retraumatised about 5 years ago and dissociated completely. Since then I've had a lot of trouble remembering really basic stuff in day-to-day life.
Quote from: felloutofthesky on July 26, 2016, 10:51:01 PM
Does anybody think this could be part of the explanation for object constancy? It's something that gets me the most, when I cannot remember that people love and care for me, or that they even remember me. It would make sense.
A very late reply to this but I wanted to respond that I recognise this too. I wouldn't be surprised if that type of memory, remembering on an emotional level who cares about you, is also affected.
Quote from: Blueberry on February 16, 2017, 07:55:20 PM
I used to have a really good memory, like an elephant ;D . It took a nose dive when FOO recommended I forget those bad things that might have happened (and forgive of course too). I tried so hard to forget I lost the good memories too. I'd had really beautiful and colourful visual memories of the natural world, holidays, pets.... I lost them and they've never come back, tho lots of the bad memories re-surfaced of course. My visual memory has remained bad.
I'm so glad I'm not the only one! I can cross out memories but it feels like I'm losing more than just I wanted to forget....
i so hope those good and beautiful memories come back to you both. i think they're important to be able to reference every so often. hopefully, once the traumatic stuff gets resolved, your brains will be able to once again access what was wonderful in your lives. best with this.
Thanks sanmagic, for this wish and hope. Does that mean that you know or think that non-traumatic memories can be recovered? I'd be interested if anybody else has experienced this also or has knowledge of it.
Sometimes I think I'm getting dementia. I've read that Alzheimer's can start when you're about 40 and I'm a bit beyond that now. I don't just forget people's names but when I bump into them, I can't remember where I know them from either. Then I remind myself that the energy that could be involved in remembering names is involved in processing trauma and keeping other things below surface and bringing about change in other parts of my life. And so I hope that sometime in daily life things will improve if there ever comes a time when less energy is going into change et al.
I've heard (probably somewhere on this site) that in CPTSD we're so caught up in trauma management (aka rumination) that we're not in the moment, not concentrating. With an acquired brain injury on top of CPTSD I can't listen to anyone speak for more that a few seconds; I'm still looking at them but I realise I've gone away (again) into my own thoughts. I can go for a walk and when I get home I don't remember passing certain landmarks, although I know I must have. Also, when people I know have been walking towards me for a while they'll snap their fingers or wave in my face because I've been looking at the path ahead or I've simply had my eyes switched off. I firmly believe this is why I became short-sighted in my early 20s and lost the sparkle in my eyes; I was dissociating practically all the time.
On the flipside, happy moments from the past are still accessible in full technicolour and clarity.
The answer is clearly mindfulness, which is probably also the best preventive of dementia. Has anyone had any success with that? Is it even possible for CPTSD sufferers? I'm now thinking that if I can achieve clarity, I'll know I'm healed.
I can relate to this so much. I cant remember my past much, my whole life feels like a foggy distant dream or something. I can never remember details or really specific memories in my life or the timeline of when things happened, but i can feel emotions from certain parts of my life at times. My memory is also horrible. I read your post and started typing and then completely forgot what your post even said. I definitely think neglect and trauma has a huge effect on memory. Hope youre doing well!
I feel the same way. So many of my childhood is just a general feeling. Sometimes I will remember things that I forgot about years ago or someone will be telling about an incident that I know nothing about. But they will claim that I was there. Most of y vivid memories seem to be traumatic. Even now my memory is poor.
Yes same here, I sat an exam recently I knew the course reasonably well but when I opened the paper I couldn't even find where to write my name then panicked and consequently failed the exam as I couldn't understand a single question that was being asked until I got in the car to go home and remembered it all it's as if I was sat in a fog unable to do anything, I felt like a total failure until I re evaluated it all logically and reminded myself that actually mentally I'm really not very well at the moment and need to put things into perspective and stop giving myself such a hard time, that got me through feeling better about it all.
Quote from: Eyessoblue on June 05, 2017, 08:42:31 AM
I felt like a total failure until I re evaluated it all logically and reminded myself that actually mentally I'm really not very well at the moment and need to put things into perspective and stop giving myself such a hard time, that got me through feeling better about it all.
Good coping skills and self-talk, Eyessoblue! :cheer:
I'm sorry about your exam though.
Thanks blueberry, the exam really doesn't matter to me anymore (although at the time I was devastated) now I can just laugh about it and move forwards in life, I'm determined that my brain will start working again one day- hopefully soon!!
You're sounding very strong these days, Eyessoblue. :cheer:
Aww thank you candid! I've been doing EFT on myself it really seems to help unblock those negative feelings, have you tried it at all? Would really recommend it.
Yes, long ago via Gary Craig youtubes. Thanks for the reminder!
I agree with the previous postings which make a connection between childhood trauma and the inability as an adult to form short-term memories. I often cannot remember what I did this morning, much less the day before or the day before that. Your posting brilliantly describes what I experience; islands of vivid memories lost in a general haze of what Dante calls a "great sea of unknowing."
Since the brains of children are still forming and so vulnerable to environmental influences, it makes sense that a child experiencing trauma and high levels of cortisol and other stress hormones may actually suffer some form of "minimal brain damage" in the memory-formation area. And a child suffering neglect may experience some form of the opposite, since, as cognitive scientists have shown, the brain needs lots of good stimulation (including an enriched verbal environment, contact with nature, toys, etc.) to develop properly. And, unfortunately, as "plastic" as the brain is, there are, apparently, certain "developmental windows" in which certain things must take place, or be lost (or impaired) forever.
It is a bit scary at times, but one consolation I have for my "Swiss cheese" memory is that I don't really need a detailed recollection of what I ate this morning (or yesterday) to function, and good memories (as you mentioned, usually connected to a positive emotion, i. e. a pleasant trip) tend to remain.
Hi Candid,
Over the years, I have found vipassana (insight) meditation to be very helpful in giving me a sense of something beyond the sufferings which Complex PTSD can bring. Here are some links to a wonderful teacher I had years ago in Berkeley, James Baraz, who was one of the co-founders of Spirit Rock Meditation Center in Woodacre, CA.
I highly recommend vipassana meditation. You don't have to have a specific religious affiliation to practice it, although it is based on and inspired by the Buddhist tradition. It is also very easy to learn and practice.
There must be some teachers here in the New York area if you Google it. Here are the links:
https://www.awakeningjoy.info/teacher.html
https://www.londonmindful.com/5-day-meditation-and-mindfulness-retreat.html
Thanks, Courtois. There's a mindfulness course here (in UK) I can sign up for. I think I'll give it a go.