Out of the Storm

So I had my second session with my new T and we did this really neat (scary) IC exercise.  With my dominant hand I would write down a question for my IC.  My first one was "What do you want to say to me?"  Then I had to switch to my non-dominant hand and have her answer which of course looked and felt like a little kid writing.  It went back and forth it went for about 20 minutes. 

It was amazing because my IC is normally very much in lock down, but this technique brought her right out - it was amazing really and quite powerful. I cried quite a bit and it was a bit of a sad, lonely kind of crying at first then turned into relief and some joy at having her speak up and be reassured by adult me.

Anyway, quite an experience and recommend it as a great tool for connecting with your IC. 

Very, very, very, VERY cool, Kizzie!!!!   Thanks for sharing!      I hope your IC can come out and play ...you're a lot of fun.    :hug:

When I'm cheering on my inner kid these days, I will have her do things, like brushing my teeth, cleaning the counter with my non-dominate hand ...and, I tell her "way to go, kid!!"   I DO feel her smiling.  Giggles.

I hope the "two of you" have fun ...stories with Mr. Bear.    :yes:

That's a great idea - having her do things around the house using my non-dominant hand, I will try that. 

The T actually had me hold a teddy bear (much smaller than the one I got fortunately), and usually that would make me feel completely silly, but for some reason this time it felt right.  Maybe it's having Papa Bear at home and getting used to letting some comfort in.

oh, I needed to hear that very end of your sentence, Kizzie.

"letting some comfort in"     yeah, that's it.

I would be the same as you on the bear, Kizzie.   Felt right.   Sounds like ya inner kid is coming out to play.  It's safe now.

:hug:

I know right? I tend to make things as complicated as I possibly can lol and here this simple little exercise had the power of a jet engine. 

More and more these days I am seeing the value in keeping it simple.  CPTSD is "complex" but what seems to be happening as we all dig deeper and deeper here is that it often takes me full circle back to something simple (e.g., your IC will come out when she feels it is safe).  I don't think my IC would have come out without all the reading and discussion and understanding about ego states, dissociation, abandonment depression, integrating ........   It's a feeling like younger me is saying "OK, Adult Kizzie you do seem to have a grasp on things so I think when you find a nice way of inviting me to come out I will give it a shot."   

Hmmmmm, half formed thoughts/feelings here but what I'm trying to get at is that (for me) there is a somewhat complex process in recovery that we engage in here in this forum (and in therapy, and on our own) that is necessary in order to be able to circle back to the basics, a readiness to employ the basics if you will. 

After that IC exercise we talked about it and he suggested that while the exercise can be/is powerful that my IC came out has a lot to do with a readiness to do so and I think he's right. 

Nice! I like this idea very much, thank you for sharing

I like this too.  A few years ago I wrote a note to myself with my non-dominate hand.  It asked me if I could come out and play.

Yesterday I decided it was time to do IC exercises again.  I brewed some tea and sat with her. We talked and had a real good time.  I actually felt like I wanted it to never end just like when you are talking to a good friend and having a great time.   

I tried to do it again today and came up with tons of excuses.  Poor little child.  This stuff is very difficult.  When I think of my child I feel a huge ball of pain in my chest.  Sometimes it chokes me. 

I think of my FOO as little children too.  So sad they hurt so much so they had to hurt others.  So sad they keep hurting and have to pass it on. 

Oops got off topic a bit what I wanted to say was after my "talk" I felt so light and free.  I danced for the first time in almost a year and sang a bit too.

I am reading a book called "Come Back: A Mother and Daughter's Journey Through * and Back" by Claire Fontaine which prompted yesterday's "talk".    Not sure how I am going to feel now that mother and daughter are slowly healing and getting along...  We will see..  So far it is a very good book.

Quote from: Kizzie on October 18, 2014, 11:06:53 PM
So I had my second session with my new T and we did this really neat (scary) IC exercise.  With my dominant hand I would write down a question for my IC.  My first one was "What do you want to say to me?"  Then I had to switch to my non-dominant hand and have her answer which of course looked and felt like a little kid writing.  It went back and forth it went for about 20 minutes. 

It was amazing because my IC is normally very much in lock down, but this technique brought her right out - it was amazing really and quite powerful. I cried quite a bit and it was a bit of a sad, lonely kind of crying at first then turned into relief and some joy at having her speak up and be reassured by adult me.

Anyway, quite an experience and recommend it as a great tool for connecting with your IC.

Hi I haven't been here in a while and I just happened to start with this thread because it's one of my favorite topics.

I'm a little surprised at how you are mentioning this as if you just heard of it. I told you about doing this months ago over on sas, and I've been doing it myself for years, (since 2006). I always preach about inner child diary writing. Usually people are unreceptive to it. You seemed interested, but also like you wanted to find a therapist first. So I had told you, "oh no, you don't have to wait to do it with a therapist, you can do it yourself!" Then I just dropped it because I didn't want to be pushy. IDK, maybe you don't remember all that. 

Great to have you back on the Board Pam, it's been a while and we've missed you. How have you been doing?

I do remember all your amazing IC work (although I thought you had younger you use a crayon versus the opposite hand), and hope that you will share here what techniques you have used.

As for me, you're right I was not ready to do much of the painful IC work until I found a T as I did not feel at all confident wading in there on my own.  Just....Plain....Scared. As you probably remember too, my "work around" until I did find a T was to spend some time trying to invite her to come out and have more fun in the hopes that when a T and I finally did get down to it she (I) would not be so scared.  (E.g., joined an African drumming class just and she does have a hoot at it)

For me that seems to have been a good strategy as he was able to connect with her twice already. So I'm quite certain he will be 'inviting' me to do a lot of IC work now. I don't like re-feeling all those old feelings, but they're in there and are the seat of my pain so onward I guess.  I will be posting here and/or in my Recovery Journal as I go along.

How is your IC work going?

Thank you you guys. I usually feel invisible and haven't been here much lately so it's hard for me to believe anyone on here even knows of me.

Yes I used crayons but also with the non-dominant hand. I somehow knew it's the unconscious side.  I kind of thought there would be less control over what came out if I used the opposite hand.

I didn't set out to plan to do Inner Child work. I was kind of forced into it/compelled/inspired out of desperation and circumstances. I had what i now know are EFs and they were really bad. I was suicidal all the time. I had been having the inner child come out a lot and take over me so i appeared completely crazy. I knew I had a 5 yr old child in there, but i did NOT want to deal with her. I knew she was still upset over my mother dying and i knew better than anyone how inconsolable she was, because i already lived it. (As an adult i was being triggered all the time from any and all types of rejection or perceived abandonment.) I finally "got sick of her" and decided to get a diary so she would stop bothering me with her feelings.

I made it age appropriate--had a lock and key, with Snow White, Cinderella, and Sleeping Beauty on the cover, used crayons, and sat in a chair that I don't normally sit in. I also bought small toys for her like a can of play-doh or a yoyo which I sometimes would actually pick up and handle for a while thinking of her. Another thing I remember doing was laying down with a teddy bear and taking a short nap (I hate naps!) Bot for the most part I had started this writing so she would get it out and leave me alone. I know,,,,this goes against the "embrace and love your inner child" rule. I also was completely incapable of anything resembling "self-compassion." Where was I supposed to have learned that? So I "let" her write.

First day she wrote "I'm so sad." and i cried real feelings! Not my usual shame crying from hearing nothing but negative crap from my inner critic for having feelings in the first place. These were REAL! Next time she wrote "Why does Dad hate me?" And of course I had no answer! I actually didn't write to her for the first IDK how long because i the adult was in no condition to make up lies and be supportive when i already knew how my life turned out and I couldn't be nurturing at all. (Again, where was I supposed to have learned that?)

I was in therapy at the time and my counselor kept telling me to be loving and all that stuff to my inner child but I couldn't, didn't have it in me, maybe was too married to the inner critic to go off his script? IDK. But Little Pammy kept writing anyway.

Soon after I started, I did notice something...for the first time in 7 yrs of seeing counselors and reading self help books, etc. I actually felt emotional relief after letting her write. EVERY SINGLE TIME! It was like a miracle and I'd laugh about how weird it was when describing it to my boyfriend. I kept saying "There's a little girl inside me and I never know WHAT she's going to write! Actually I think I'm learning things from her! I like her a LOT! This is so amazing and cool!"

So even tho it wasn't 2-way communication at first, she knew I was here and listening and watching. Also even tho I didn't want to be bothered with her feelings, I completely understood them, and so of course i didn't criticize her. That alone was healing for her so she opened up more.

A couple yrs ago the 5 yr old wanted to do a "Mommy Project." I got her a white with blue dotted lined pad from Walmart and she wrote "This is for me to write my feelings about Mommy, and ONLY Mommy" in crayon, and I worked on that across 3 months, what I believe was finishing grieving my mother. It included her writing a couple notes TO Mommy too, to let her know not only that we missed her, but mad at her for going to live with God and she was the only one who could make us feel better, but she wasn't there. Stuff like that. I stopped having certain feelings about women and abandonment after that. Also not angry at her anymore.

This is getting too long! I have a really hard time writing about this, always have.

Anyway....it sounds like we are doing very similar things Kizzie, even tho we arrived there in totally different ways. Actually I don't know anyone who started out doing inner child work/writing with a completely negative attitude like I did, lol. Most people who do it WANT to and also have some kind of a plan? IDK. The other interesting difference is how you could do fun things with yours first, before doing the harder more serious stuff, whereas I had to listen to mine's feelings a lot before she built up trust in me/feel secure and comfortable with me first before letting her guard down and having fun, lol.

Since then I had another one who's 9 come out, and just recently, a 12 yr old. With them i write right handed and use pen and normal paper. I guess I can tap into them pretty well since I am used to doing it already, lol. Actually I came online to make a YouTube song list for my 12 yr old (music from 1980/81) and instead clicked on the CPTSD site! :) 

Quote...hard for me to believe anyone on here even knows of me.

I know of you! Good to hear from you again.  :wave:

Thanks for being so detailed about your dialogues with your inner child, especially about how you used props and activities to evoke her. That was useful to read. Gah, I hope my English makes sense, it's late here and I'm so tired I'm going to faceplant onto my keyboard in a minute now. I just wanted to say that this was a lot more helpful to read than the dry-as-bones instructions one gets on "official" websites of some therapists.

I've done something similar, writing dialogues with different parts of my psyche, a bit like this Inner Team thing peopel talk about nowadays. It echoes your own journey a little bit - I started out HIGHLY sceptical at first, but it was like we became friends after a while. Writing those dialogues became so intensely rewarding and happy-making, I'd never have expected that. Not every single time, but still, it was absolutely amazing.

Fascinating techniques, here! Thanks so much for sharing.

I've been trying to do inner child work for ages - talking to her, writing, hypnosis, even using symbols and art to communicate in case she couldn't understand language, but the results have been limited. Tonight I tried writing with my non-dominant hand and guess what, there she was!  :cheer:

I knew it really was my inner child because the first thing my non-dominant hand wrote was "I want everyone to shut up and leave me alone!!"  ;D I was a cranky child who desperately wanted  more privacy, you see. But I had more or less forgotten that part of myself until it showed up on paper. With just a few questions, other things came out that were quite surprising, things long forgotten but I now remember were once deeply held beliefs. There's a lot there to explore.

Thanks again for the information.   

She said hello to me.

Yay Zazu  :cheer: and Butterfly  :cheer: - that's awesome!   


Pam is going to be our head cheerleader in this IC work I think  ;D

Quote from: schrödinger's cat on November 07, 2014, 11:18:04 PM

Quote...hard for me to believe anyone on here even knows of me.

I know of you! Good to hear from you again.  :wave:

Thanks for being so detailed about your dialogues with your inner child, especially about how you used props and activities to evoke her. That was useful to read. Gah, I hope my English makes sense, it's late here and I'm so tired I'm going to faceplant onto my keyboard in a minute now. I just wanted to say that this was a lot more helpful to read than the dry-as-bones instructions one gets on "official" websites of some therapists.

I've done something similar, writing dialogues with different parts of my psyche, a bit like this Inner Team thing peopel talk about nowadays. It echoes your own journey a little bit - I started out HIGHLY sceptical at first, but it was like we became friends after a while. Writing those dialogues became so intensely rewarding and happy-making, I'd never have expected that. Not every single time, but still, it was absolutely amazing.

Thanks a lot Schrodinger's Cat!  :wave:

I said in my post that I have a hard time writing about this--It's not because I can't or am embarassed, it's because it's such a hard thing to communicate about the right way in just writing. So I always feel like I'm not getting it across properly, just like the descriptions in books you mention. I really wish I could share the actual diaries and everything in person with everyone here. I have social anxiety, so this isn't something I can do yet, but would love to at least make a video where I talk about and show all my inner child stuff. I couldn't read from my diary without crying tho, so it would be very uncomfortable for others! Yeah.....if I wasn't so shy I could make a personal inner children blog and then post links to it. I'd have to figure out how to make it private and anonymous... :blink:

Inner Team? I don't think I've heard that before. Makes perfect sense to me! I call myself an "inner family." Probably since i didn't have much of an outer one, lol.

Quote from: zazu on November 08, 2014, 11:17:12 AM
Fascinating techniques, here! Thanks so much for sharing.

I've been trying to do inner child work for ages - talking to her, writing, hypnosis, even using symbols and art to communicate in case she couldn't understand language, but the results have been limited. Tonight I tried writing with my non-dominant hand and guess what, there she was!  :cheer:

I knew it really was my inner child because the first thing my non-dominant hand wrote was "I want everyone to shut up and leave me alone!!"  ;D I was a cranky child who desperately wanted  more privacy, you see. But I had more or less forgotten that part of myself until it showed up on paper. With just a few questions, other things came out that were quite surprising, things long forgotten but I now remember were once deeply held beliefs. There's a lot there to explore.

Thanks again for the information.

Wow, it sure is amazing isn't it? I'm glad it worked for you. Good thing you didn't give up. For me personally, it was more important that I let her express herself rather than me talk to or support her. Mine want to speak up! When I first started, I had about 6 different 5 yr old versions of myself, but only 2 or 3 really wrote in the diary--the angry one, the sad one, and the spunky one. Your's seems kind of spunky with her strong statement.  :applause:

Quote from: Butterfly on November 08, 2014, 11:48:57 AM
She said hello to me.

Yay!  ;D

I talked my boyfriend into doing this too and his inner child is very inhibited, so a lot of the time, he just says hi and then says he is going to go play.  :yes:

Quote from: Kizzie on November 08, 2014, 06:36:50 PM
...   


Pam is going to be our head cheerleader in this IC work I think  ;D

Thank you so much Kizzie, i will try as much as I can!  ;D

Really I think this is so worth it. The words "healing" and "therapeutic" were like foreign language words before i started Inner Child work. It's really good to see people are doing it and that it helps too. It would be a real challenge to run across someone who does it and it doesn't help them. I can't imagine it. But I have run across a lot of people who are afraid to do it. And from what little they tell me, it's because they can almost feel them or it's like they already know it will be a lot of emotion, so they are afraid to open that can of worms. And I try to be reassuring of that. It IS scary, but I figure the more someone is hesitant to do it, the more they NEED to, you know?

:cheer:

Quote from: pam on November 08, 2014, 10:42:13 PM
I have run across a lot of people who are afraid to do it. And from what little they tell me, it's because they can almost feel them or it's like they already know it will be a lot of emotion, so they are afraid to open that can of worms. And I try to be reassuring of that. It IS scary, but I figure the more someone is hesitant to do it, the more they NEED to, you know?

Yup sigh, I do know - well said.  Lead on Miz Pam!   :bigwink:

Posted by Pam:

I made it age appropriate--had a lock and key, with Snow White, Cinderella, and Sleeping Beauty on the cover, used crayons, and sat in a chair that I don't normally sit in. I also bought small toys for her like a can of play-doh or a yoyo which I sometimes would actually pick up and handle for a while thinking of her. Another thing I remember doing was laying down with a teddy bear and taking a short nap (I hate naps!) Bot for the most part I had started this writing so she would get it out and leave me alone. I know,,,,this goes against the "embrace and love your inner child" rule. I also was completely incapable of anything resembling "self-compassion." Where was I supposed to have learned that? So I "let" her write.


Soon after I started, I did notice something...for the first time in 7 yrs of seeing counselors and reading self help books, etc. I actually felt emotional relief after letting her write. EVERY SINGLE TIME! It was like a miracle and I'd laugh about how weird it was when describing it to my boyfriend. I kept saying "There's a little girl inside me and I never know WHAT she's going to write! Actually I think I'm learning things from her! I like her a LOT! This is so amazing and cool!"

Thank You for putting this into a place where I could do it. I am going to go to amazon right now and get me one of those kid diaries. Writing with the left hand sounded ODD to me when Kizzie first wrote it! I am going to try. I have been giving IC a few decisions lately...I asked he what I should eat one day and she said "chocolate ice cream" so I bought it. I was also playing iwth a YoYo but the GD's lost it somewhere... I am going to have to find it!  ;)...

She said she's ok because I'm strong for her now and she told me she likes tea parties. Bad memory for me but good memory for her. Unexpected. She also reminded me I used to color with crayons in my 20's and told me that was her. Also unexpected.

like tea parties? That is so funny... when I was active on eBay I bought several children's tea sets! I packed them away in My house somewhere not sure where! I did research and find a old doll that I'd had as a kid I bought that too! It sits on the shelve in My living room,

I have always had a problem with playing with the gd's and also with My children... when they ask me to play with them I always turn them down.  I do not know why I do not like to play with them..I feel silly,... I am going to try and think about that!  :stars:

Quote from: Badmemories on November 09, 2014, 06:42:39 PM
Posted by Pam:

I made it age appropriate--had a lock and key, with Snow White, Cinderella, and Sleeping Beauty on the cover, used crayons, and sat in a chair that I don't normally sit in. I also bought small toys for her like a can of play-doh or a yoyo which I sometimes would actually pick up and handle for a while thinking of her. Another thing I remember doing was laying down with a teddy bear and taking a short nap (I hate naps!) Bot for the most part I had started this writing so she would get it out and leave me alone. I know,,,,this goes against the "embrace and love your inner child" rule. I also was completely incapable of anything resembling "self-compassion." Where was I supposed to have learned that? So I "let" her write.


Soon after I started, I did notice something...for the first time in 7 yrs of seeing counselors and reading self help books, etc. I actually felt emotional relief after letting her write. EVERY SINGLE TIME! It was like a miracle and I'd laugh about how weird it was when describing it to my boyfriend. I kept saying "There's a little girl inside me and I never know WHAT she's going to write! Actually I think I'm learning things from her! I like her a LOT! This is so amazing and cool!"

Thank You for putting this into a place where I could do it. I am going to go to amazon right now and get me one of those kid diaries. Writing with the left hand sounded ODD to me when Kizzie first wrote it! I am going to try. I have been giving IC a few decisions lately...I asked he what I should eat one day and she said "chocolate ice cream" so I bought it. I was also playing iwth a YoYo but the GD's lost it somewhere... I am going to have to find it!  ;)...

I hope you are having good connections with your inner child. I think that's great about the chocolate ice cream. Something like a decision of what to eat--that's something little kids like to be asked, huh.  :thumbup: For me the diary gave her a sense of safety and a real tangible place for her to live.

Quote from: Butterfly on November 09, 2014, 10:57:05 PM
She said she's ok because I'm strong for her now and she told me she likes tea parties. Bad memory for me but good memory for her. Unexpected. She also reminded me I used to color with crayons in my 20's and told me that was her. Also unexpected.

That's interesting about the crayons in your 20s--are you an artist? What kind of drawings were they? I'm an artist but i could never do anything that didn't look childlike with crayons, lol.

Quote from: Badmemories on November 10, 2014, 10:24:23 AM
like tea parties? That is so funny... when I was active on eBay I bought several children's tea sets! I packed them away in My house somewhere not sure where! I did research and find a old doll that I'd had as a kid I bought that too! It sits on the shelve in My living room,

I have always had a problem with playing with the gd's and also with My children... when they ask me to play with them I always turn them down.  I do not know why I do not like to play with them..I feel silly,... I am going to try and think about that!  :stars:

OMG!!! This made me remember something! In my 20s and early 30s, I was depressed a lot and felt like a failure for not having a family (I never had kids). But you saying how you felt uncomfortable playing with them--that made me remember how I wouldn't even go into a toy store at the mall with my boyfriend who wanted to go in and look at stuff. I totally didn't understand why. I was completely out of touch that I had an inner child at that time, and since we didn't have kids,  i (logically) didn't see any reason for us to go in there. But you know what? It was more than that--it wasn't just logical, I had an AVERSION to it. Now I think it was partly that I might start crying from the jealousy I had over not having kids, but I also see maybe it was that I was NOT going to let Little Pammy wake up by doing something she might like (not knowing she even existed at the time). IDK, it's confusing, but really weird! I forgot I even used to have that aversion! :)

After I discovered the Inner Children, I have bought a lot of toys for them. Like you, BadMemories, i got a specific book on ebay that I remember having--a big red storyland book that has fairytales and Disney stories in it. It was actually from the 1970s too, old, but in good condition. Then i also used to subscribe to Highlights Magazine for Children so I bought 6 copies of those too--ones I probably actually had from the early 70s. I say I am going to use the pages for decoupaging projects.....once I get good at decoupaging, that is. :) That way they won't just get recycled into the garbage. 

I knew about Inner Child work through Adult Children of Alcoholics years back, but when it came up in the group I was attending that was about the time I quit - surprise! Obviously I did NOT want to let her out, I think because like you Pam I didn't want to wake her up.  I think I felt like she would start to cry and never stop, that I would not be able to deal with her. 

Even today when I'm facing IC work, I am afraid because it's at the core of my CPTSD and that pain is not something I want to face.  However, as you suggested in an earlier post Pam  it's where I most need to go and I have been trying.  I am trying to sit longer with what I think is the abandonment depression Walker talks a lot about, and to comfort her and to help her to understand that was then and this is now and things are much different.  I also am trying to balance the painful stuff with fun. I went to drumming class on Sat and had a hoot again, so much so I actually bruised my index finger!  My H likes to sing the song "I don't want to work, I just want to bang on me drum all day" as we drive there and back which absolutely delights younger me.  I also got her the giant teddy bear which is propped up in a corner near my side of the bed (he fills the entire corner), and makes me laugh every time I crawl into bed as he's looking at me with this big grin. Sometimes if I am reading I will snuggle up to him.

This afternoon we are headed into town and one of my stops will be Dollarama where I plan to get some crayons for Kyle (my IC) - writing with the opposite hand using crayon will likely make her pop out. The modelling clay sounds like fun and and maybe other craft things like stickers and glitter too. 

Onward with IC work! 

PS - I had a tea set too and I loved it - must see if that's packed away somewhere.

Quote from: Kizzie on November 17, 2014, 07:18:00 PM
I knew about Inner Child work through Adult Children of Alcoholics years back, but when it came up in the group I was attending that was about the time I quit - surprise! Obviously I did NOT want to let her out, I think because like you Pam I didn't want to wake her up.  I think I felt like she would start to cry and never stop, that I would not be able to deal with her. 

Even today when I'm facing IC work, I am afraid because it's at the core of my CPTSD and that pain is not something I want to face.  However, as you suggested in an earlier post Pam  it's where I most need to go and I have been trying.  I am trying to sit longer with what I think is the abandonment depression Walker talks a lot about, and to comfort her and to help her to understand that was then and this is now and things are much different.  I also am trying to balance the painful stuff with fun. I went to drumming class on Sat and had a hoot again, so much so I actually bruised my index finger!  My H likes to sing the song "I don't want to work, I just want to bang on me drum all day" as we drive there and back which absolutely delights younger me.  I also got her the giant teddy bear which is propped up in a corner near my side of the bed (he fills the entire corner), and makes me laugh every time I crawl into bed as he's looking at me with this big grin. Sometimes if I am reading I will snuggle up to him.

This afternoon we are headed into town and one of my stops will be Dollarama where I plan to get some crayons for Kyle (my IC) - writing with the opposite hand using crayon will likely make her pop out. The modelling clay sounds like fun and and maybe other craft things like stickers and glitter too. 

Onward with IC work! 

PS - I had a tea set too and I loved it - must see if that's packed away somewhere.

Yeah, maybe that wasn't such a coincidence! Interesting huh?

That's o nice ot hear about your giant teddy and the drumming. And how enthusiastic your husband is too, lol.

Sounds like our IC are having fun! Honestly I haven't done much since I wrote, maybe I'm too scared but maybe she told me she's ok and I have her back and we're fine now so there no need. Maybe I'm really shallow or maybe She's come out in my art stuff.

Pam, artist isn't the word I'd use, I enjoy art stuff but as to talent not so much. Crafts yes but art, just beginning to explore. Tried several mediums and maybe I just like them all but doing online classes right now to play around. So far I like graphite best, colors pencil is my second favorite. What do y work with?

Kizzie, I was afraid to let IC out and it turned out good so hopefully its a good thing for you too.

 I had session no. 5 of 8 with my online councilor a few days ago.  She kept on talking about coping strategies and CBT but I said that I wanted to get in touch with who I am.  She then conceded to give me an exercise to do.  Write to my IC with my dominant hand and have him reply with the left hand.

I was very excited to try this and searched here for IC.  I had great hopes for it and was pretty excited about starting, procrastinated for 4 days but gave it a go this afternoon.  I may have been too excited because the writing with my dominant hand was almost as shaky as that of my left!  As I said, I had high hopes that something was going to give and I would have an epiphany of some sort; unfortunately I got nothing.  I stopped after 4 Q&As because I didn't know what to say.

I'm pleased to see that it is getting results for you but after 5-10 minutes it felt futile for me.  Not sure if I should try it again or if I need to do some other groundwork first.

 :wave: All!

I too have felt like letting My inner child out would cause me to cry and loose it. I have bought a pretty frozen (disney character movie) diary, It has light on it when I push a button. Pammy Sue likes it. I did start trying to write with My left hand with a pencil. I did get a clue on the CSA in My past live.. now just to follow it up! I am crying more.... which is painful but also healing!

How is every one else doing on their LEFT hand writing? I hope You are all making progress on this!

Keep on Keeping on! ;) :hug:

I did get out the crayons because my IC has been quite cranky and it was helpful in that she had a lot to say about the work meeting and the know-it-all person that triggered her. So that was good but my older self felt a bit ashamed of her behaviour (basically she had a  hissy fit), so I did my best to reign in my critical parent side, did what I could in terms of validation and soothing, and then promised her we were going to put it away for the holidays and would take it up with my/our T in the new year. I don't feel like I'm quite ready to poke around in there without some support.

Morph - Sorry to hear it isn't happening for you - given that your dominant hand was shaking I wonder if it is a bit too much too early?  I had a rather big EF after my ICs first and only public outting in T so far (something else triggered it but we think it's because she was close to the surface that I reacted to the trigger more intensely than I might have otherwise), so we are going much more slowly now.

BM - That's great that you're able to get in touch with your IC and I love the idea of giving her a diary.  I haven't seen Forzen but heard it's really good.  My son is home for XMas (he's 22) so we are watching a lot of action and post-apocalyptic shows - no Disney flicks for the guys in the household lol.

Morph, when I started I just was doodling with the non dominant hand, mindless scribbles, then a stick figure very similar to what I remember drawing as a child showed up on the paper. That's how I knew she was there. I was content to scribble and walk away from the exercise if nothing had happened and wait until she showed up. Anything else would have felt too forced and too much pressure. Not sure if if my experience helps but maybe just some mindless doodles, no thought or goal in mind, and see how it goes. It may take a few tris before shy IC trusts enough to peek out.

 :wave: All!



I did try left hand writing in diary. I did get a clue about the abuse I was feeling..( I wrote about it in the sexual abuse section started by Sandel) I ask her about it..(inner child)  Didn't get an answer but Did get a clue. The clue was that Who was babysitting for You when Your siblings were born?

So I asked Mom. Who babysit for me when My 1st Bro was born?

I was 3...Your step Dad Who was babysitting for You when he was born..   :yes:

When Sis was born? I was 5, Your aunt.  :sadno: (She was a Christian women, I know she protected me!)

When twins were born? I was 6, and remember them babysitting so not them!  Step grandma and Grandpa  ??? (maybe)

So since it was just a feeling... I think it happened when I was 3... If I was 5 then I think I would have remembered it, at least more than a feeling. for example IF I was 5 I would have had words and maybe a feeling..So at least ONE great Mystery in My life revealed by Pammy Sue!

Yeah! One great victory for Pammy Sue!  :applause: :applause:

Keep on Keeping on!  ;) :hug:

Thanks Kizzie for the kind words.  I'm also suspicious that I may have been trying to do this to early - I think it was Rain that suggested that it might be easier to get your Critic under control first before doing too much with the Child.  I wish there was a better road plan of how to arrive at our desired destination!

And I've started trying to do other things with my left hand like brushing teeth.  Although it may be good dental practice :wave: (love trivia), I felt very self conscious and decided I was taking too long in the shower.   Not sure if my reluctance with this is; Inner child fear or just a bit too 'healy feely' (if you know what I mean) for me.  Don't want to cut myself off from this line of thought (Ha -I guess I've just answered the question to my dilemma) but also don't want to put too much faith in something so abstract.  I have a long history of only believing what I can personally see or touch - stops me getting lied and tricked all the time (maybe).

Quote from: Kizzie on October 18, 2014, 11:06:53 PM
Anyway, quite an experience and recommend it as a great tool for connecting with your IC.

I just did this, only a few exchanges. Brought tears to my eyes. Really good exercise. Thank you for making me do this.

I just did this today, also with the prompting of my T. Wow. I really didn't think it would work, but boom, out it all came.

Nothing I didn't know already, but it was useful to see what that little girl was really feeling.
I feel pretty sorry for her now, but in a quite detached way. Maybe because it was all there anyway? It's hard to explain.

Today I brought a kids pen with a bright pink flamingo on it (not for this exercise). I realised that I liked it because my IC likes it, which is why I decided to buy it!

It's nice knowing she's there and I can access her a bit more easily.

I'm so glad it worked for you too CR  :thumbup:  I tend toward skepticism so I was quite surprised that it did. It wasn't anything I didn't know about my IC either, but it just felt like we were communicating directly rather than her being there below the surface, kind of distant and foggy (hard to find words to express these kinds of things sometimes I agree). 

I was thinking after reading your post that we should start a thread with positive, silly, fun things to do with/for your IC. Something as simple as buying a pretty pen  because our IC likes it can make a real difference in recovery imo. I think it tells our IC we are there for them, and  it is safe to come out, all things to balance the pain, fear and anger. 

Sounds like a new IC thread to me  :yes:

This sounds great! :D

I talked to my T more today and she gave me more ideas on how to engage with my IC so that's good. I'm not exactly looking forward to it, but it should be interesting.

Having a thread on fun things sounds like a good idea. Honestly, I think my IC's been lurking for years. My friends have commented how funny they find it that I'm obsessed with cute cartoon cats (ie. Pusheen) and have all this pink stationery and cute screensavers on my phone, yet I'm also a leather jacket-wearing rock chick bogan. I always just saw it as the 'pink side' of me (rather than my 'dark side', as it were). Now I'm more convinced that my IC has been there for years showing herself in that side of my personality.

The pink side of you, that's a wonderful way of looking at it CR. It does sound like your IC as been there all along and how wonderful you don't have to dig her out of some dark corner.  Mine was pretty buried away and very, very fearful so it took coming up with lots of fun things to entice her out - a giant teddy bear being one gift to her. Nothing pink yet, but she does love funny dogs.  We saw a motorcycle with a dog in the sidecar the other day and if that wasn't funny enough, it was wearing this old leather aviator helmet and goggles.

I did start a "What makes your IC LOL?" thread, but feel free to start another one about things to do with your IC that are fun and positive if you'd like.