Out of the Storm

The snowdrops will soon start appearing in the garden, so I thought today would be a good day for me to (finally!) start a new journal.

I noticed some progress today.

A friend who doesn't know my background started talking about stuff in the news this week about one adult royal sibling hitting the other. "How dare he speak up! Kids fight! I didn't say anything when my sibling attacked me! All perfectly normal!"

I felt shaky when I heard this because throughout my life, the words "all siblings fight" were used to minimise my abuse and silence me. Previously I'd freeze and be unable to say anything in response. This time, however, I was able to say that it's easy to normalise abnormal behaviour when that's what you grow up with, but it doesn't make it normal or acceptable. My friend acknowledged this, and I was heard.

I still feel a little shaky, but I'm pleased I said what I did.

It makes sense that you still feel shaky.  :cheer: for you saying what you thought. It takes courage to use your voice, especially when you've been minimized or ignored in the past.

I love the reason for the new journal. And you did great speaking up! Way to go! Ah those trigger phrases...

I'm glad you found an opportunity to stay present and share your perspective.  I hope that moment was transformative for both of you.

snowdrop, so very glad you were heard.  sometimes that's half the battle.  sibling abuse is very different than siblings fighting w/ each other.  love and hugs :hug:

Snowdrop,

I hope the shakiness doesn't last too long, but that was great what you said to your friend. As we heal from being punching bags and doormats for our families to abuse, we become the voice of reason to our friends. What you said to your friend was genius. And like my therapist always tells me, as I become more potent in my own skin, I will feel some anxiety. He says "you can't become more potent without experiencing some anxiety as you grow." It's almost like a performer. What most people really don't grasp is that most performers want to vomit just before they go on stage. They may look calm and in control when the mic is in their hands, but most will tell you that if you don't feel anxiety before you go on stage, you won't give your best performance. I think that's what happens to us as we work toward pushing ourselves beyond our comfort zones. Most people just stay uncomfortably comfortable in the abuse they know.  You are pushing your boundaries so you can get out of that abuse. And, just like with the performer on stage, it's nerve wracking. But that anxiety proves we're moving forward into the space we used to be afraid of entering. The space where we have our own power just like other people have. We were put into boxes, and we are carefully, but boldly, pulling ourselves up and out of those boxes. A little shaking and buttefly-stomachs is part of the experience.

Big hug! :bighug:

I just opened a post from Dollyvee. She shares some really good youtube videos. I just watched this one, and it's PERFECT for people like us who will always feel anxiety around our narcissists. This is a really good video.  Thanks to Dolly for sharing it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-vmKnOhdCH0

Thank you, Not Alone, Armee, Rainy, San and Papa Coco. I appreciate your words, your thoughts, your validation, your cheers and your hugs. :grouphug:

Quote from: sanmagic7 on January 07, 2023, 11:08:09 PM
sibling abuse is very different than siblings fighting w/ each other.

This sparked all sorts of thoughts, San. I agree, and yet it's also an area that's murky for me because of all the minimising I've experienced. Phrases like "all siblings fight" (minimising) and "he had a difficult childhood, so you have to make allowances" (which told me I was being unreasonable, I should let him do whatever he wanted to me and not complain). Just thinking about those phrases makes me feel a degree of anger, which is probably healthy.

One reason why I find it so murky is I have a part who took all the minimising on board, and she's not quite ready to let go of it yet. I've found this article helpful (but TW for an image at the top of two kids fighting):https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/toxic-relationships/202002/sibling-bullying-and-abuse-the-hidden-epidemic (https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/toxic-relationships/202002/sibling-bullying-and-abuse-the-hidden-epidemic)

Quote from: Papa Coco on January 08, 2023, 01:53:11 PM
I hope the shakiness doesn't last too long, but that was great what you said to your friend.

It went about half an hour after I posted. I read a couple of years or so ago, probably in an article about TRE, that animals shake after they've had a stressful encounter, and the shaking is a way of getting rid of the stress. Humans will often try and stop shaking, which prolongs it, but if you deliberately shake more, it goes away quicker. It works for me, anyway.

When I read your bit about shaking before, I thought about my therapy sessions.  I found that I always 'shook' when in a therapy session.  I do remote therapy via video chat at my work desk, which is in a basement; I always chalked up the shaking to being cold, but upon reflection I'm in that spot 8 hours a day and never shake otherwise!

As you said, I think shaking is one of the body's many ways of dealing with stress and trauma, and hopefully it's a sign of 'shaking free' of the built up emotions, or at the very least indicating that we're along the right track when processing things.

Have a good week!

That makes sense, CrackedIce. I can see that the shaking might be part of you processing and shaking it off. :hug:

======

I've had a pretty good week. I've been able to get a lot of work done, and things have gone well. I think what helps is I'm more able to let parts contribute. If a part doesn't like an approach I'm taking, I take it on board and modify what I'm doing.

Emotionally, I've felt pretty steady.

I'm glad you are finding things that feel supportive and that your week went well.  I appreciate your reflection about listening to the parts of yourself and making adjustments based on that information.

snowdrop, that minimizing stuff is so disrespectful, so manipulative, and so much a denial of the other person.  isn't it a cousin to gaslighting? causing you to doubt your perception and perspective of a situation?  i'm thinking probably so.  i also think it's a good thing to have felt some anger about the situation.  to me, anger would be totally appropriate for all that.  very sorry you had to go thru it.  sending love and a hug full of 'i know what i know!'  :hug:

I've been dealing with minimising with a few different things lately and it is so draining.  Good for you speaking up for yourself, Snowdrop  :hug:

Being able to listen to your parts and modify how you do things if there's internal discomfort seems really big. I'd like to borrow that and try it out. And in fact maybe that's exactly what happened for me tonight now that I think about it this way.  :grouphug:

Thanks for sharing. It helped me. I hope it helped you.

It's an approach that works for me, Armee. I'm glad you found it helpful too. :grouphug:

While journeying, I once had a vision of the parts being the crew of a sailing ship, with my Self as the captain. Instead of different parts trying to take control and an air of panic and disarray, my Self was in control.

At the time, the ship was charting a course through a storm. The sky was black, the rain was lashing down, and the sea was choppy. When I think of it now, there's a blue sky and the waters are calm.

The interaction between parts feels different as well. My Self is still captain, but the parts feel better. More self-worth, perhaps, and valued. It might be because more parts have released burdens and taken on different roles. It's good progress, anyway.

=====

I had a bit of a trigger point yesterday. I have work relating to something I studied at Uni, and it's stirred up a few parts. The lecturer for that subject was an abuser, so they were scared.

The work will probably only take a day, but the associated weight is heavy. Yesterday it felt overwhelming, which is completely understandable.

I've been working with the parts.

• I'm not stupid. I'm finding it hard and having mental blocks because of what happened. There are scared parts who are trying to protect me.
• I hear the parts and I thank them. I'm here for them.
• I understand why it feels overwhelming. Of course it does! I get it.
• It happened in the past. I'm not in that situation now.
• Things are different now. The parts are safe. I've got them. :grouphug:
• He doesn't own the subject.
• Doing something with the subject won't bring him back, or draw attention to me. I'm safe.
• The man was intellectually brilliant, but an abusive groomer. These things are not incompatible.
• He was a manipulative gaslighter. He said things that weren't true to manipulate me.
• He deliberately tried to isolate me. I think he tried to turn people against me, and in part, he succeeded. This is on him.
• He was an infantile, narcissistic misogynist.
• All of the things I've just said about him are objectively valid and true.
• I'm there for my parts. It's OK.
• If the work really doesn't feel right for whatever reason, it's OK. I don't have to do it.
• There are parts who would like to do the work to take ownership.

I've written down a plan of action for tackling the work in little steps that I can check off. This makes it more manageable and approachable for the parts who feel threatened. They're on board with my approach in principle. If it becomes too much for them, I can stop the work and come back to it later, or decide not to do it at all. Either option is OK, and the parts who want to do the work to take ownership have compassion and understand.

Oops, I missed the earlier replies :doh:.

Thank you, Rainy, for the support and validation. :hug:

That's a good point about minimising and gaslighting, San. I can see what you mean. I think the minimising I experienced came from a place of denial and not wanting to know from the other person. Like putting up a blockade. Very isolating. As you say, I know what I know! :hug:

I'm sorry you've been dealing with minimising stuff as well, Bach. I hear you, it can be very draining. :hug:

====

I fel better for writing what I did earlier. I'm not doing anything more about it today, and this is perfectly OK :yes:.

hey, rainy, your list is very impressive.  it sounds like you have a solid handle on where the blame/shame belongs, which is great!  and i agree - writing all that is enough for a while.  i agree, it is perfectly all right to take a break.  love and hugs :hug:

Thanks San :hug:.

=====

Interesting. I listened to a hypnosis track this afternoon, and part way through a traumatised part spontaneously unburdened.

It was one of the parts affected by the situation I mentioned earlier today. She shared her experiences with me, I heard and witnessed her experiences with compassion, and after she'd finished, I felt the burden leave. It was like releasing a blockage, and I had a feeling of expansion, space and Self immediately afterwards.

I can't remember a part spontaneously unburdening in quite this way before. Normally, I actively approach a system of parts, negotiate with protectors and go through things step-by-step.

I think it happened because of the things I mentioned in my earlier post. I think the part just felt ready to unburden, so she did.

Fascinating.

=====

Update: there's one extra thing to mention in case it's relevant. Earlier today, before listening to the hypnosis track, I did some tapping on releasing anxiety. It was a guided one on the Tapping Solution app, and one I've regularly used before. Maybe the tapping helped the part, which led to her unburdening when I listened to the hypnosis track? It's just a thought. Either way, it's all good.

Today has gone well. Apart from some polishing, I've finished the work that I found so triggering yesterday, and it was fine. The parts who wanted to take ownership of it are happy. The part who was so activated and spontaneously unburdened yesterday is also happy. She even found the material quite interesting. I wonder if she might decide to have a new role in this general area, but that's up to her.

Now that she's unburdened, I need to check in with the part every day for the next 30 days to make sure she's OK and doesn't pick up the burden again. So far so good.

so sorry, snowdrop - i called you rainy by mistake earlier.  i have been rattled lately so can only think it's messed w/ my brain quite a bit.

so glad your day went well, and your part was able to unburden.  fascinating, indeed!  let's hope it sticks.  love and hugs, my dear :hug:

That's OK, San. You probably caught a glimpse of my reply to Rainy at the top of the page, so her name came out your fingers! Love and hugs back :hug:

Everything's still going well. The part who spontaneously unburdened is happy, and all the other parts are accepting.

I've just started reading Transcending Trauma: Healing Complex PTSD with Internal Family Systems by Frank Anderson. It's very good, and I'm finding it helpful. I actually bought the book about a year ago, but I wasn't able to read it while I was ill. I'm glad I'm able to read it now.

All going well. There's a feeling of space, lightness and looking forward. Also genuine enthusiasm for my work. I was about to say it's like getting back a part of me I thought I'd lost, but that's the reality of what it is.

I'm aware of a related part from the same system, and I've started to work with her.

The Transcending Trauma book is excellent. I'm about halfway through, and it resonates with me so much. There are lots of things I can put into practice, and as I read, I can feel reactive protector parts soften. They feel heard and validated.

I like that the book is very much focused on complex trauma. I find it adds to and builds on the Internal Family Systems Therapy book by Richard Schwartz.

so glad you're finding reading material which is helpful for you, snowdrop.  keep it up!  love and hugs :hug:

It is awesome that you were able to listen to the Part with compassion and that she was able to unburden. Beautiful.

I appreciate you sharing things that are helpful.

San, Not Alone and Rainy: thank you for your care and support. I value it and appreciate you being there. :grouphug:

=====

There's part of Chapter 21: Common Comorbidities that deeply resonates. Parts are practically pointing at it and saying "look!" so I'm pasting it below to help them feel heard and witnessed. While the details are different (I didn't have a heart attack and I wasn't a partner), it reminds me of the circumstances under which I left my employment. Reading it brought tears to my eyes because I recognise that parts are still carrying some of their heartbreak for similar reasons. I think I can use this knowledge to help those parts heal.

I recently worked with a client named Antonio who was recovering from a heart attack. Here is a sample of the dialogue we shared:

"Antonio, I wonder if you're open to listening to your parts about your recent heart attack," I said.

"What do you mean? Do you think I caused it or something?"

"No, I'm not saying that at all. I think that there's a strong mind-body connection, and perhaps your parts might be able to help us understand if there's any connection between what they're carrying and your physical symptoms."

"I guess so," Antonio said. "Just ask if any of your parts knows anything about your heart attack."

"This is fascinating," Antonio said with his eyes closed. "I would have never guessed this in a million years. What I'm hearing is that there is a connection to my job: 'You've worked so hard for so many years to become a partner at that firm. You gave them everything—long days and many nights and weekends away from the family. You busted your butt for them, and now this new management team is treating you like crap.' What they are telling me is true. I feel like I have no power anymore. My parts are saying that they're brokenhearted."

"Wow, that makes so much sense to me, Antonio," I responded. "Let them know that we're hearing this."

"Oh, you bet I will. I had no idea that this was going on inside," Antonio said, who then paused a moment. "They say it's 50-50. They say I'm not eating clean and not nearly exercising enough—that half of this is medical and the other 50 percent is about their heartbreak."

"Let them know you're really getting all of this, Antonio."

"You know what? This is an echo of my childhood. I worked so hard as a kid too, trying to get my parents to see me and love me, and it never worked. They were always too busy with one thing or another. They never seemed to have the time to care about me. Now I feel like it's happening all over again at work."

"Let your parts know that there's a way we can help them with the feelings they're carrying about your childhood and that it most likely will help you better manage the current problems at work. Are they interested in that?"

"Yes, definitely. They're so happy we asked them about all of this. They said I wasn't caring about them, in the same way that my employer and parents didn't care about me."

"All of these layers and connections make a lot of sense, Antonio. What do you want to say to them about that?"

"I'm not going to repeat this pattern. The buck stops here," he said with conviction.

what a great excerpt, snowdrop.  i'm finding out more and more how my present day perspective and handling of situations - besides all the physical - totally leads back to childhood.  this is strong stuff.  thanks for sharing.  love and hugs :hug:

I found it so powerful, San. I'm glad you liked it too. :hug:

=====

I'm helping quite a few parts at the moment, so I decided to journey to meet them. From my experiences in my previous journal, journeying works well with IFS because it makes it easier to go deeper with the parts and help them more effectively, partly because it gives me more access to Self-energy.

=====

The part who spontaneously unburdened is doing well. She shared more with me, and unburdened some more. She wants to take on a new role as a researcher.

There's a protector part in the same system who I met yesterday. I didn't say much about the part yesterday because she didn't want me to. Today there was a definite improvement. I am so grateful to her for protecting the wounded part, and she was able to unburden.

Part of the unburdening was her telling me how awful the lecturer was. We ended up writing a letter to him that went: "Dear *, you were a * teacher and a * human being, so * off" (:rofl:). We posted it by folding it into a paper airplane. Sending it felt really good ;D

I then moved onto the parts affected by the circumstances when I left my job some years ago. This involved three parts.

The first part was heartbroken about what had happened. She'd worked so hard, and felt as though she'd been cast aside for her shiny new male coworker. It was just like with F. Then she turned into a very young, tiny part who was trying to look like a boy. She said that no matter how hard she tried or worked, it was never good enough for F. F would tell her to try harder, work harder, and she felt as though he'd always choose her older brother, not her. She was trying to look like a boy to be more acceptable.

The second part was a protector. She helped me leave my job because she couldn't bear the pain of the little wounded part; she took her out of the situation.

I heard and witnessed both parts, and we spent some time releasing part of the burdens by skimming stones across a lake at sunset.

While we were doing this, a critical protector part turned up. She'd taken on a lot of F's energy to try and preempt F's words, but she didn't like it. I asked her how much of it came from F, and she showed me a big boulder. She didn't want to carry it any more, so we threw it into the lake. She then told the little part that she didn't have to try and look like a boy any more, she was good exactly how she was. The little part transformed into a little girl, and we burned the little boy outfit. My guide then sent healing Self-energy to the three parts, which they accepted.

=====

It was an interesting journey. I'm glad parts were able to unburden. I'll continue to check in with and help them every day over the next month.

That's some powerful work you're doing Snowdrop. Thank you for sharing.  :hug:

Thanks Blueberry, I appreciate it. :hug:

All going well. I've checked in with all the parts I'm currently working with, and they're all ok. I'm feeling the difference with the part who spontaneously unburdened taking on a researcher role.

I've just read the following in Chapter 24 of the Transcending Trauma book:

I recommend that clients briefly check in with their unburdened part every day for about three to four weeks, as Richard Schwartz has advised. I've noticed that when I've done this with my own newly healed parts, they gently fade into the background and become part of my overall system.

I wanted to paste it here because it precisely describes what I've previously experienced.

I frequently find that when I start working with a system of parts, more parts pop up and say hello. They see what's happening and make themselves known because they want healing too. In this situation, I have to be mindful of the new parts, but careful that I don't take on too much at once.

You may have gathered that it's happened this time too. Some polarised parts have surfaced. One part feels very isolated and wants friendship and connection; she wants to be seen and heard. This upsets another part who views being seen and heard as dangerous, something to be avoided. There's a third part who tries to push the other two away from me because she thinks they're disruptive.

I've told the parts that I get what they're telling me and I'm there for them, but I don't have spare capacity to work with them right now. I've also asked them not to overwhelm me, which they've taken on board; I can listen to them without them flooding me. I've also directed them towards the parts waiting room, which they have accepted.

The other parts I'm actively working with seem fine.

Today it feels right to voice something that happened last year while I was away from the forum. It hurt the polarised parts I mentioned yesterday.

It was in the summer. By this point, I'd started sitting outside and doing gentle exercises when it was warm enough to help me get better. I'd see my neighbour go past sometimes, and I'd call out hello if I knew she was there, but didn't get a reply. She genuinely might not have seen or heard me, or maybe she didn't want to.

In the summer I walked out the door when she was going past. I said hello and she stopped. She said she hadn't seen me in a long time, how was I? She said "everyone" had been talking about me, they hadn't seen me around for a long time. I explained I'd been ill. She minimised it. She said again "everyone" had been talking about me and wondering where I'd got to. She said she'd told them that I liked keeping to myself and didn't want to see anyone, "she's not like us". She again minimised my illness, and said "everyone" was talking about me.

It's upsetting to write about this. I'd reached a point where I felt more able to go out and see people. This episode pushed me right back. The minimising. The othering. I felt gossiped about, which felt threatening. If "everyone" had been so concerned about my whereabouts, why did nobody approach me and ask? And telling people I didn't want anything to do with them? That made things so much harder. Maybe that's why nobody seemed to care?

I told H, and he wondered if it was just a poor choice of words. I told a friend and he thought it was horrid. Regardless of intent, it was horrid.

The part who wants to be heard feels better for me writing this, and has now unblended with me. The part who thinks being seen and heard is a threat also feels better for me writing this, and feels some compassion for the other part.

Dear Snowdrop,
Firstly, I wanted to send you a heartfelt hug of support  :hug: and say I'm glad you were able to write about this event in your life, and that part of you feels better for writing about it.  As I read what you wrote, I felt compassion for you, and I also felt some feelings towards your neighbour.  I am sorry that she minimised your illness. 

I missed you when you weren't here - I am happy that you're back here again, and I so hope that you're able to do whatever things you want to do, in your neighbourhood now, and that you don't mind that neighbour - because maybe she didn't know what to say, and her words were not very thoughtful.

Hope that today is a nice day for you, with some nice experiences in it.
Hope  :)

Snowdrop

I'm sorry your neighbor did that to you. The use of the word "Everyone" in her sentences is usually a sign that this person needs to be dealt with carefully. I always say I can smell a narcissist from a mile away, and this is one of the ways I can smell them.  "Everyone is worried" is a narcissist's primary trick, meant to make you feel like you are "the only odd one in the group." Minimizing your life while bragging about her own is another red flag. Making herself into the spokesman for you while you're not there to defend yourself is a third red flag. When you say she tells the neighbors that you're different than them...well... just be very careful about this person. These are three red flags in one report. Narcissists are extremely easy to spot as long as you heed the red flags.

The feeling of being "represented" by a narcissist is a helpless feeling. I'm glad you are up to talking about the situation now. Please don't feel like you're being a bad person by wondering if she's being a villain or not. They have power when we are too polite to accuse them of being exactly what they are...narcissists.

I hope the other neighbors are wise enough to make their own decisions about who you are and why you were absent during your illness.

Obviously, narcissists are my most profound hot-button. They rile me up faster than any other type of scoundrel. They do SO MUCH damage to good people.

Here's a hug from one narcissist's victim to another.  :hug:

I'm so sorry that happened to you Snowdrop. Like Papa Coco I agree this was not some poor choice of words but an intentional choice of words that affected you the way they were designed to. That neighbor is a bad person. Anyone you'd want to be friends with in the neighborhood would likely see past her and know exactly which one is not like the others. It's her. It's really sad no one checked on you that whole time.  :grouphug:

I know with Covid my ability to extend myself to others is severely taxed and damaged and I feel ashamed for that. Perhaps the silence from your other neighbors is more that phenomenon than anything having to do with your worth or what lies they have been fed?

Hugs to your parts. They did a good job. That was a very hurtful comment that was designed to be hurtful. Those people don't deserve to hurt us.

Hope, Papa Coco and Armee: your thoughtful replies yesterday really helped me. Thank you so much. :grouphug:

Hope, thank you from the bottom of my heart for your compassion. Your words and the hug helped me and my parts feel heard, wanted and cared for. I missed you too. :hug:

Papa Coco, thank you for spelling out so clearly why her behaviour came across as narcissistic. I found that helpful because it helped to clarify why the hurtful things were so hurtful. I think part of it was a sense of shock and betrayal as well because H and I had helped her a lot in the past. Thank you. :hug:

Armee, thank you for the validation and your thoughts on what happened. I think you're right when you say anyone I'd want to be friends with would likely see past her and know which one is not like the others. My parts appreciated the hug and being told they did a good job. It helped them unblend. :hug:

=====

Yesterday was quite hard, so I decided to take the afternoon off and rest under a weighted blanket. I had company in the form of a lovely fluffy cat. She's not my cat -- she lives a few houses away -- but she comes round to see me every day and I adore her.

I've been ok today.

This afternoon I decided to journey to check up on the parts I've been working with recently. I decided to include the polarised pair I've spoken about the past couple of days.

I first met a part who's been making me dissociate. She said she's been doing it to stop me being overwhelmed. I told her I understood and thanked her, which she appreciated. I offered an alternative solution, which was for me to help heal the parts so she wouldn't need me to dissociate. Also I can listen to parts without them overwhelming me. She thought this sounded good, and agreed to ease off

The protector for the part who spontaneously unburdened had wandered off into the background. When I found her again, she was happy.

The part who spontaneously unburdened was also happy. She's loving her researcher role. I asked if there were any gifts she wanted, there were, so I gave them to her. This made her look brighter.

The part who helped me leave my job is fine, and had also wandered off into the background. I thanked her for her help, and told her how right she'd been. She appreciated me valuing her.

The part who had taken on F's energy was also doing well. She was delighted with the part she was protecting and is happy with her progress. She also told me that she can't give up her role just yet because she's involved with other parts as well; these parts can wait, there's nothing urgent. She seems to have a good relationship with my Self.

The tiny part who'd been dressed as a boy was happily running round wearing fairy wings. I went into the past with her for a do-over. During the do-over, F told her he loved her and valued her as she was. He hugged her and gave her a shiny tiara to wear. She started running round a meadow chasing butterflies, and I left her in a safe space being looked after by fairies.

I met the polarised parts last.

The part who's wary of people welcomed being validated by friends here. I told her I understood why she felt the way she did. She appreciated this. She was a lot less intense than she's been the past couple of days.

The part who felt so hurt by the neighbour also appreciated being validated by friends here. I told her that it made a lot of sense that she felt hurt. She said she'd felt betrayed. She'd thought the neighbour was safe. She also said that she's carrying wounds that go back to other situations. We agreed that she wouldn't overwhelm me, and she'd only let it out in tiny amounts to help with that. I told her that if I'm not overwhelmed, my Self can be with her so has connection and isn't isolated. She loved that and we hugged.

All the parts I saw today were willing to accept love from my Self.

I appreciate you sharing about taking time to rest and hanging out with a cat.  I love cats and wish I had one around all the time.  I have one cat and would have so many more if she and my husband would tolerate it. 

Rainy, when I first started bonding with the cat, I used to think of you and yours. It's lovely having her around, and she's currently curled up asleep on me. :hug:

=====

I slept better than normal last night. I took a Bach Flower Remedy blend before going to bed, which I think helped.

I had a nightmare about where I used to work. The events in the nightmare didn't happen in real life, but the underlying misogyny was. When I was alert enough to know I was dreaming, I realised that it felt related to parts. I thanked the parts for sharing with them and told them I was there with them.

I've checked in with the parts I'm currently working with, and everything seems fine.

Your neighbor did minimize your illness. She also spoke for you. How dare her!

I continue to appreciate your care and attention to your parts.

Hi Snowdrop,
It was truely lovely to read your interactions with your parts, and how they were able to feel validated and loved in the way you described.  Sending safe hugs to any of your parts who want one  :grouphug:  This is a hug for your Self  :hug: 

I love the fact you have that bond with the lovely fluffy cat - that sounds so nice. 

Hope  :)

Thank you, Not Alone, for your outrage on my behalf, it helps. I also appreciate your care and support. :grouphug:

I'm so glad you liked reading about the interactions I've had, Hope. The parts and my Self love the hugs. :grouphug:

=====

All is still going well. The parts I've been working with seem settled. Some of them have faded into the background and are far less prominent. The researcher part who spontaneously unburdened has been doing brilliantly.

I've had good results from being in my Self more. Something happened that is usually triggering, but this time it wasn't particularly. I've also been getting on well with my parents without parts getting activated. I think my increase in Self energy has meant their Self energy has also been stronger, so they've had fewer activated parts as well.

Hey Snowdrop!  I find reading about your IFS work really inspiring!  It makes me want to start back into that process... I had started it with my therapist awhile ago but we never got that far into it, only identifying one or two parts.

Hope you have a good week!

snowdrop, that neighbor was horrid, mean, and nasty.  how dare she!  you don't deserve to be talked to like that.   :pissed:

it sounds like you're making some great progress w/ your parts.  keep up the good work.  gentle hugs to all, love and a hug full of bug spray for that gnat of a neighbor! :hug:

I'm glad you find it helpful to read about my IFS work, CrackedIce. That helps me in turn, because my parts feel more heard and witnessed, which they appreciate. If you're wondering about giving IFS another try, it would be well worth your therapist reading Frank Anderson's Transcending Trauma book. It's aimed at therapists, and goes into the nitty gritty of applying IFS to complex trauma. I hope you have a good week too! :hug:

Thank you for your outrage, San, and the validation and support. I appreciate the bug spray  ;D :hug:.

=====

Everything is still going well with the parts I've been working with.

The researcher part who spontaneously unburdened is doing brilliantly, and loves her new role.

The tiny part with the fairy wings is doing well. She knows she's plenty good enough being a girl.

The polarised parts seem settled and fine. The part who was feeling isolated likes the increased connection with my Self, and the other part is less isolated as a result.

It really helps me, too, snowdrop.

Hi Snowdrop,
Just popped by to send a hug to any parts who would like one - as I was thinking of you.   :hug:
Hope  :)

Snowdrop,

I'm so sorry about the misogyny you've had to endure. That is SO unfair. I like hearing of the new cat that is bonding with you. Nothing feels better than bonding with a pure soul, like with a pet or a good friend.

I'm sending you a hug. I'm disgusted by any misogynistic men in any situation. They're idiots. They're wrong. Period.

You're in the right. They're in the wrong. And I DO believe in karma. Eventually, this behavior will bite them back.

:hug:

 :grouphug: