One thing that has been in my mind a lot lately, is the idea that how much, or little, we value ourselves is a crucial part of managing CPTSD, or at least the symptoms of relational trauma.
My first thought was about the "3 good things a day" threads. Those are really great! It is important to make time to reflect on the good and not get overwhelmed by the bad. While that is absolutely helpful, trauma goes deeper than learning to look at the good. So then I thought about how that idea could be tailored to be more trauma informed. So here is what I've come up with... and now that I've read the pinned topics on this sub-forum I see most of them are already listed, but maybe it would still be good to have 3 major ones in a single thread for the sake of convenience.
1,2,3!
Appreciation:
What is a positive character trait that I have, or a good thing I've done today? It's okay to re-use the same one, especially at first.
Emotion:
What did I feel today, and optionally, why? Numbness (or depression) counts too!
Accomplishment:
What did I accomplish today? This can be anything, no matter how small. "I got out of bed." is a totally valid accomplishment sometimes.
I always like to hear feedback that others are willing to share. This is just my ideas from my experience, and I'm sure everyone has their opinion on what works best for them.
I LOVE this idea Jazzy. Thank you. You made me happy today. The reason I love it so much is because 1. Yes you are right...the devaluing of ourselves is pervasive and damaging and 2. I am a total Pollyanna and use looking on the bright side as a way to deflect from what is truly not ok, and that goes hand in hand with devaluing myself. So the 3 gratitude type practice is exceptionally easy for me but not actually that helpful.
So I will play! And in response to what you wrote...great job cooking the meat in your fridge! Those types of tasks are challenging to get to and you deserve kudos for that! And I can tell you are a helpful person and am glad you can recognize that gift
--------------------
1,2,3!
Appreciation: I was very present today with work and family and did not spend much time disconnected. And the time I did spend disconnected I will forgive myself for.
Emotion: I felt a bit of grief today. And because I am a Pollyanna this is really important for me to feel.
Accomplishment: I got out of bed without delaying today. This is good because I often get stuck in a bit of a dissociated mindset that I can't shake for several hours when I linger in bed between sleep and awake. Also, I wasn't late getting my kids to school. Double win.
Great idea, Jazzy.
1. Appreciation: In looking for a job, I believe I'm pretty good at the things I do. I'm not perfect, but most of the jobs I've had, I do pretty well. Some of that stems from hard work, but a lot of it comes from being attuned to people and caring about them.
2. Emotion: I feel sad after reading Bluepalm's poem. I feel excited about a job possibility. I feel scared about the job possibility.
3. Accomplishment: I made breakfast.
I love this idea!
1. Appreciation: I know I can fix things around the house and when to let a pro do it, and have no problem telling the landlord when something needs done.
2. Emotion: I was happy today after our bathtub faucet was fixed because they should last another 2 years or so on those washers.
3. Accomplishment: I made sure a nasty old rug that sat around for far too long finally made its way to the curb for a large item trash pickup tomorrow.
Wow, the positive feedback here is awesome! :thumbup: Thank you, everyone! I thought I would be doing this by myself, but it is very encouraging to have others join in too. I hope it is helpful though, which is the most important thing.
1. Appreciation: A stranger said hello and waved from across the street when I went out for a jog this morning. I appreciate that I was able to pay this forward when I came across someone else later on, by complimenting their shoes.
2. Emotion: I felt connected by my interactions with others. I felt sad that my communication style doesn't work very well with everyone. I feel hopeful that I can do better at communicating in the future.
3. Accomplishment: I made some major breakthroughs in my "work" today, which is really my passion, and not so much work. Hopefully one day I can make money by "working" at my passion.
3. Accomplishment: I hid my weigh scale in the closet, because I keep checking it, but a weigh scale is not a good tool to show how my body looks, or what my BMI is.
Appreciation: about myself huh...I'm good at getting people to support good projects at work.
Emotion: Sad. This is one of those where I don't FEEL sad, I have no sad thoughts, but my eyes are watering. So I'm going to say I feel sad. :Idunno:
Accomplishment: I went to the dentist. Blerg. First time since before covid. I hate it. It is sensory overload and I hate people being close to my face touching my face.
Sounds like a tough day Armadillo. I hope you can process some of that sadness. Good job on your accomplishment, and appreciation! Hope you're feeling better soon. :)
1. Appreciation: I admitted in therapy I've been procrastinating about finding a new doctor and we figured out it's because I hate starting over from scratch.
2. Emotion: I was grateful and happy when my Bro brought back cake slices from the store "just because we needed a treat".
3. Accomplishment: I made the doctor's appointment AND told the landlord about an issue.
A big part of me wants to reply to everything posted here, but I'm not sure this is the best place. If I write something here that I wouldn't mind some feedback on, I'll put it in my journal as well. :)
1. Appreciation: I'm usually pretty good at "connecting the dots", and coming up with new ideas.
2. Emotion: Today I felt frustrated because I couldn't figure something out, then I felt overwhelmed because I kept trying instead of setting it aside, then coming back to it later.
3. Accomplishment: I shared a song with my sister, which she really liked!
Appreciation. I was able to buckle down and get something urgent done without too much wasted time.
Emotion. Shame
Accomplishment. I keep reminding myself when I feel shame what role it is playing, which is to distract me from one of the "unsafe" emotions like sadness, fear, and anger. And that prompts me to reflect on what I might really be feeling even if my brain is hiding it from me.
1. Appreciation: After failing to look after myself yesterday, I did a much better job today. I appreciate myself being able to improve my behaviour like that.
2. Emotion: Today I mostly felt happy and accomplished.
3. Accomplishment: I was able to take some constructive criticism today better than I normally do (that's so difficult!!!!)
1. Appreciation: I was able to state when I was out of spoons for the day and go home rather than pushing myself too hard.
2. Emotion: I was amused as all heck to find my brother accidentally put the Cheetos in the freezer. it made me laugh for at least 5 minutes.
3. Accomplishment: We got the cat food we needed at the store.
Appreciation I am someone at work that people can talk to about hard stuff and I think just by listening I helped someone today.
Emotion Grateful. Grateful that what I've gone through gives me something not many others have to offer.
Accomplishment wow. This one is the hard one today....why is that? Oh here's a good one. I have therapy today and I have been intentionally not bringing up the thing that I made such amazing progress on because i just wanted some space to revel in it before stirring it up again. But last night i did some therapy homework on this so we can start working on it again today. Maybe some of that is avoiding the other topic that comes up whenever i feel close to done in therapy. But still I'm proud of myself for filling out the sheets on this other thing. I'll write more in my journal later.
Thank you everyone who is participating. It is really encouraging for me to read the posts here, and I hope it is encouraging for others as well. I even appreciate the ones with "negative" emotions, because I find it so helpful to be aware of what I am feeling and why, even if I don't like it.
Appreciation: I am able to use my intellect to help me better understand how to treat others well, and I am seeing great success, especially with my cats.
Emotion: Today hasn't been very emotional, but I was guardedly happy to receive a good gift from my M (wow, that's quite something, usually M is toxic to me)
Accomplishment: I made some good progress in looking after myself better today. On top of what I wrote in my journal about [TW] eating and exercise, I have noticed some other health concerns which I am addressing.
Appreciation: I can appreciate that I do know how to make healthy food choices and can most of the time.
Emotion: I've been struggling the last few days with feeling... guilty? lazy? I don't know. Like I should have done more in general by now. My birthday is tomorrow and I feel like I wasted a year.
Accomplishment: I managed to go do a walmart pickup and get the things I forgot last trip.
Appreciation: I appreciate that after everything I've been through, I'm still a good, or at least caring person.
Emotion: I felt proud of myself today for all the things I've gotten done.
Accomplishment: After years of ignoring it, I figured out why my fridge is making a ticking sound 24/7, and helped reduce it quite a bit.
These are so beautiful to read!
Appreciation: I'm going to copy Jazzy's. Plus 1 to being good and caring, despite.
Emotion: Peaceful. I'm feeling exceptionally peaceful lately. Present. Joyful.
Appreciation: A year ago I stole a neglected withering plant from a city planter and planted it in my garden. It was almost dead and 5 inches tall. Now it is hip high and full of flowers.
Appreciation: I am proud of my resilience.
Emotion: Feeling comfortable and slightly less hypervigilant than usual.
Accomplishment: I cried today. I'm thawing! Also, I watered plants.
I missed yesterday because it was my birthday. LOL Today is just starting, but here's a double to make up for it.
Yesterday
Appreciation: I was able to accept the love and well-wishes of friends and chosen family.
Emotion: It was generally a cheerful day, I was happy. I did feel overwhelmed at one point because I got a visa gift card, and can't decide what to spend it on due to too many choices.
Accomplishment: I managed to eat healthy meals to somewhat offset the iced coffee in the morning and boba tea in the afternoon.
Today so far:
Appreciation: I am glad I have the opportunity and resources to be able to start healing at this point in my life.
Emotion: Still good from yesterday, just kind of a pleasant contentment as I write and have my cafecito.
Accomplishment: I brushed my hair and fed the cats.
Reading these still makes me smile. Thanks Jazzy!
Appreciation:
I was really truly able to support my friend going through a rough time and in doing so also prove to myself that on the main trauma and it's many arms, I am 99% healed.
Emotion:
Relief, sadness, excitement, fear because I'm starting to have a few memories that feel like memories instead of some fact that I memorized. I bet most people wouldn't get that but I think a lot of you might know what I mean.
Accomplishment:
I went running with my friend needing support and worked pretty hard (I used to run marathons, now running more than 3 minutes without walking is hard!). I also instigated a trip to the beach with my son and his two friends and their mom I am close friends with.
Happy birthday CactusFlower! :cake: All the best to you in the year to come! Also, it's okay... I missed yesterday too. :)
Appreciation: I appreciate that I'm able to continue to learn more about how my mind works, and make changes based on what I learn to keep improving.
Emotion: I felt very encouraged today from my actions both towards myself, and others. I also feel vulnerable because I got some negative feedback, but I'm trying to believe it is because of their choices, and not a good reflection of my value as a person. I did my best to react positively, and while I probably could have done better, I did a great job compared to how I would have handled it (dissociating) in the past.
Accomplishment: Well, my ramblings above cover this too, but here's another. Someone explained something to me this morning which I was struggling to understand, then this evening I was able to return the favour and help them understand something else. Being able to connect with someone like that (mutually beneficial), is a massive accomplishment for me.
Appreciation: I am strong and continue to show up and work toward my dreams
Emotion: I felt sad and angry and hurt because of conflict with my husband, coworkers, and work in general. I also felt worried about my cat because she didn't seem well this morning.
Accomplishment: I gave students I work with my presence today
Thanks, Jazzy!
Appreciation: I am in a safe enough place to do the healing work finally. I am doing what I can handle.
Emotion: I was highly amused this morning when I realized there are at least two generations that won't understand why naming a frog character in a video game "Jeremiah" is funny.
Accomplishment: I picked up some dirty laundry and took my calcium supplement.
Appreciation: I'm going to be able to return home hopefully soon, pleased with my calmness about it.
Emotion: Somewhat numb with bits of happiness here and there.
Accomplishment: I have an appointment today!
Appreciation: I appreciate that I am able to develop my artistic skills a bit. A bit is much more than I've ever been able to do before.
Emotion: I mostly feel accomplished today. I got a lot of things done.
Accomplishment: I bought one treat when I went grocery shopping today, which is healthy-ish for a treat, but still very rewarding (sweet). I think this is a good balance for me.
1. Appreciation
I helped a coworker
2. Emotion
Shame
3. Accomplishment
I got up in time for a 5am meeting
1. Appreciation
I'm able to let go of things I no longer need.
2. Emotion
relief
3. Accomplishment
I had a glass of milk this morning with breakfast.
1. Appreciation
I helped someone with a packet of work at the EAC!
2. Emotion
Numbness
3. Accomplishment
I talked to a public defender and family.
1. Appreciation
I'm not mean
2. Emotion
Shame
3. Accomplishment
Got my son a vaccine (wrangling passwords and websites I hate)
Hey, I like the new style... it's less squishy!
1. Appreciation
I'm able to learn new things fairly well, not so foggy any more! (Whew, appreciate is still difficult!)
2. Emotion
Proud - I talked to my little sister today, and she is making big changes at her workplace for the better of herself and the others.
3. Accomplishment
Repaired my fridge by swapping out a part. I did all the work myself, saving tons of money. That fridge has been loud and annoying for years. Now it's quiet! :)
Appreciation: Resiliency (reusing this one)
Emotion: I felt some anger today which moved to a type of sadness, then pride that I felt anything at all.
Accomplishment: I managed to drink water today.
Appreciation:
I'm getting much better at learning to deal with interruptions.
Emotion:
Today I felt mostly accomplished, though I'm also frustrated that my ankle has been hurt going on a week or so now. I also felt connected... not sure if that's the right word, but I had a good social interaction (face to face).
Accomplishment:
I took my cat outside for the first time in years today. While I'm sure it was great for her to get out in nature, it was really good for me too, to be able to treat her better in a healthy and safe way.
Appreciation
I'm finding this very hard this week...But I guess I appreciate that I didn't intentionally beat myself up about my reactions this week even tho my brain did.
Emotion
Frustrated. Frustrated that this stuff happens. That it comes out of the blue. That it shouldn't happen. That it takes me out for several days.
Accomplishment
I was very unproductive today at work. But still, I did get up, I did shower (twice...is this a dissociation thing others relate to? I need to shower between transitions), I did get the kids from school, fed them, took one to swimming...so there. Basic duties achieved.
1. Appreciation
I. I made a connection and found out why I feel guilty over buying myself something.
2. Emotion
allowed myself to just be joyful in the here and now.
3. Accomplishment
I made a decision after being too overwhelmed to do it previously.
Appreciation
I. I managed to make my way out of an emotional flashback by watching a movie.
2. Emotion
Pride/lingering sadness
3. Accomplishment
I cried in front of people for the first time in a long time. Usually I never can.
Wow, some great accomplishments! :applause: Even the ones that may not sound as great, really are. Basic things can be more challenging than the world's hardest puzzle, depending on one's mental state.
Appreciation:
I'm learning to find the positive in some things I initially feel resistance to.
Emotion:
Today was a great day, I feel happy and accomplished and proud. I'm also frustrated that the hardest part of my day is writing "Appreciation", it shouldn't be so difficult. I'm hopeful it will get easier as time goes on.
Accomplishment:
I officially published something relating to my career for the first time in over 10 years today! ;D
Appreciation:
I'm more positive more often, and seeing more positivity in others I interact with as a result.
Emotion:
Feeling guardedly happy and appreciative that M is working on another gift. Also feeling hurt by all the past with her.
Accomplishment:
I reorganized and cleaned my office today. It helps me feel better being/working in a more organized space.
Appreciation:
I'm more empathetic than I was before.
Emotion:
Tentative grieving.
Accomplishment:
I had a moment with my inner child today.
Appreciation
I continue to help a friend while she also is helping me.
Emotion
Peace. I am happy to be back to feeling peaceful and present.
Accomplishment
I finally got around to planting my veggie garden this week. I've been meaning to do that since February.
Appreciation
I am able (on occasion) to refuse to allow people to treat me poorly.
Emotion
I felt accomplished and content today
Accomplishment
I actually cooked dinner tonight, super easy fish and stuffing, instead of defaulting to a sandwich or ramen.
Appreciation:
I'm really learning it's important to relax and de-stress.
Emotion:
I was very happy and encouraged today with the progress of one of my long term goals.
Accomplishment:
Ordered a custom pet tag in case my cat gets lost. She already has one with a website to help her get home, but I want a phone number too.
Appreciation:
Today I realized the importance of being gentle with myself. (Not rushing through trauma.)
Emotion:
Was dissociated for a lot of today because of flashbacks, but I'm taking it one step at a time.
Accomplishment:
I drew today! Hoping to save up money for a laptop so I can do digital art again.
Appreciation:
I'm recognizing things as they come to me, and making note of them, so I can plan ahead more. I wrote down 3 appreciations yesterday throughout the day so I don't struggle in the evenings.
Emotion:
Learned some new things today, which is a bit frustrating, but I'm also feeling good about what I have learned so far.
Accomplishment:
I did an art thing today, like Eidolon (not drawing though, that's too difficult for me still). :)
Appreciation:
I am slowly learning to ask for help when I actually need it, and to curb my impulse shopping when I'm bored at night.
Emotion:
Relief at making a decision.
Accomplishment:
I got out some wigs to revamp, and found I still have the secure band and the brush/combs for them, so that's a few less things to buy!
Appreciation
My kids love me and that means I am doing something right. So I know it's not that specific but I appreciate that I am breaking the cycle somehow.
Emotion
Sad. I'm sad about dissociation. I'm sad about so many things about that topic. And I'm happy! Because I am feeling sad that means I am letting myself feel some stuff and that means I am healing.
Accomplishment
Nah. :fallingbricks: ;D
Ok I know the game doesn't work like that. Um. ...
I recognized that writing my accomplishment for today was making me feel really badly about myself so I am deciding I am not going to fill this one out today because it is making me feel bad. And THAT is self-care and an accomplishment. ;D
Yikes, I have missed a few days. What's going on with that? I'll have to figure it out. Well, here's one for yesterday:
Appreciation:
I'm getting much better at appreciating art and beauty. I'm also getting better at understanding it, which I think goes hand in hand with the appreciation.
Emotion:
Fairly neutral, not great, but not bad either. Something has been bothering me though, because I've been getting "stuck" on negative thoughts and memories again.
Accomplishment:
I wrote a guide to help people do a specific thing on their computer in a better and safer manner. I did a good job with screenshots (art!) so it is easier to follow. I also linked it to the original guide written by someone else, which was challenging because my confidence is not yet as high as I want it to be.
Quote from: ArmadilloI recognized that writing my accomplishment for today was making me feel really badly about myself so I am deciding I am not going to fill this one out today because it is making me feel bad. And THAT is self-care and an accomplishment.
Armadillo, I love what you wrote here! Tools like this are only a general idea to help in some situations. Sharing things is often helpful, but sometimes it is not, especially if it needs to be processed more. It's so awesome that you recognized that what was best for you was outside of the normal pattern, and you chose self-care over routine! :applause:
Appreciation:
My artistic skills are getting much better, to the point where others are noticing and complimenting.
Emotion:
Today I feel a bit frustrated that I haven't been very productive, but also relieved that I am making further progress with my cat learning to enjoy nature.
Accomplishment:
I read an interesting puzzle/challenge, but I saved it for later instead of getting caught up on it and missing dinner and other important things.
Appreciation
My son is happy and I helped do that. He did the hard work but i didn't let him suffer once I knew he was struggling
Emotion
Joy that this whole new world is opening up to me (being able to see depth)
Accomplishment
My son graduated 8th grade! I remember when he was entering 6th I was terrified he wouldn't make out alive.
Appreciation:
I'm growing more considerate and respectful of others, in a healthy way (still respectful of myself)
Emotion:
This morning I felt very sad. Then I did some impromptu therapy/processing in the middle of making breakfast, and I've felt mostly peaceful since then.
Accomplishment:
I handled some not so great feedback very well... it barely upset me and led me to a way to do something better.
Appreciation: I made it to the next stage in an interview process.
Emotion: Grief mingled with moments of joy with my cat and my husband
Accomplishment: During the first stage of this interview process I caught myself getting turned off by a philosophical difference I have with the potential employer. I realize that this is in part because I am afraid of being rejected and steeling myself for that. I want to remember that no job will be perfect, I am not perfect, and I will not find what I didn't get growing up through work.
Appreciation:
I know I can get through the next week.
Emotion:
A little worried, kind of depressed, mostly meh.
Accomplishment:
I managed to put together a pile of boxes and someone will come get them out of my way.
Appreciation:
By realizing I'm important, I'm taking better care of myself, which let's me help others more often and in a better way.
Emotion:
Lots of emotions today. I cried looking at some pictures, then I was peaceful playing a game, then I was happy and proud outside with my cats.
Accomplishment:
Today I did a great job at setting boundaries in a healthy way. I explained the problem, then when it wasn't fixed, I explained that it was unacceptable and I took action to make sure it doesn't happen again.
Appreciation
I appreciate my tenacity in trying to figure stuff out and make it better
Emotion
Grateful and awed
Accomplishment
Found my way to my grandparents house without getting lost
Appreciation:
I have strong empathy and compassion for others. While I do have to be careful not to get overwhelmed, this is a very important thing for me so I feel happy and proud and accomplished to see it flourishing.
Emotion:
I felt very connected today. I've had social interactions with 4 separate people today which were all extremely positive.
Accomplishment:
A few accomplishments today, so I get to save some up. :) .... I cooked a new healthy meal today, without consulting a recipe. It was a bit simple, and could use some refinement, but it was a very good first attempt. I consider it a success!
Appreciation
I appreciate my creativity and its cycles
Emotion
overwhelmed, a little depressed
Accomplishment
cut all my hair off and washed two wigs (yesterday)
Appreciation:
I'm doing much better at remembering things lately
Emotion:
Concerned, scared, energetic
Accomplishment:
Got a bit of yard work done for the first time in years
Appreciation:
I'm acting on ideas when they come to me, even if it just means writing them down for now, instead of just letting the idea pass, because I realize my ideas are worthy and important.
Emotion:
Frustrated at not being as productive as I wanted but not too badly.
Accomplishment:
Took the "no soliciting" sign off the door because I feel safe at home and more able to stand up for myself when needed!
These are both too huge to not call out for celebration!!! :cheer:
Quote from: Jazzy on June 02, 2021, 10:16:21 AM
Appreciation:
because I realize my ideas are worthy and important.
Quote from: Jazzy on June 02, 2021, 10:16:21 AM
Appreciation:
I feel safe at home and more able to stand up for myself when needed!
Appreciation
Healing more than I thought possible
Emotion
Trapped, guilty, self-protective
Accomplishment
Figured out how to make a beaded daisy chain bracelet after a couple handful of tries.
Appreciation
I'm able to pick out patterns easily
Emotion
unworthy, ashamed, sad
Accomplishment
Figured out why I do some things.
Appreciation:
I actually have something of a sense of humour now?
Emotion:
Happy and healthy
Accomplishment:
I make myself a good breakfast every morning now instead of nothing like before.
Appreciation
:whistling: :spooked: um. Ok. I appreciate that I have perseverance.
Emotion
Trapped and ashamed. Trapped is situational (not knowing how to deal with my BPD mom). It acts like an emotion for me. A big one like my head is exploding. Shame is a distracting emotion so when it kicks into high gear I now know it's hiding another emotion, I just don't know which one. I'm gonna go out on a limb and guess sad.
Accomplishment
Got up earlyish and went for a short jog. I normally try to sleep as late I possibly can and barely start work on time. So this was big! Also I usually drive to some trails to run, partially because it's pretty, but mostly because I don't want people to see me. But this morning I ran right out the door down the main street during commute hour traffic. (Perfect town full of perfect barbie doll people, but I am not perfect so I feel extra self conscious. I'd be ok running in a normal town).
Appreciation:
I have a twisted sense of humor and found friends who appreciate that.
Emotion:
anxious as heck and tired. (waiting for doc to call)
Accomplishment:
I identified that I might not be doing well with tomato-based sauces and can't eat acidic stuff after 5pm.
Wow, these are great accomplishments! Congratulations Armadillo and CactusFlower! :cheer:
Appreciation:
I'm getting better and better at recognizing my mood, and able to influence it when I want to.
Emotion:
Accomplished, peaceful, relaxed throughout the day. This evening I feel hurt, guarded and a bit confused.
Accomplishment:
Tonight I ate dinner outside, by myself. I've never really done that before. Maybe only a few times on exceptionally good days in the past.
Appreciation
I saw that I have no meetings tomorrow so decided to take the day off to spend with my kids since their summer break started this week.
Emotion distrusting and sad. I don't do well with ambiguity and my T stirred that up a bit and I got some memories of my stepdad.
Accomplishment per emotion above, my first reaction was dissociation but I fought that enough to feel the other emotions at the same time. It was like bouncing between the two states simultaneously.
Appreciation: I am accepting the support of others
Emotion: Sad yet grateful
Accomplishment: I am taking actions to care for my cat and for myself
Appreciation:
I appreciate that even if it takes me a few minutes, I can tell myself I don't have to think of everything right this minute.
Emotion:
a little depressed and wrung out. Also a bit anxious now that I'm waiting for calls to schedule baseline labwork and junk.
Accomplishment:
I got through the doctor's call yesterday and managed to mention everything I'd written on a list to talk about.
Wow, this is beautiful. Keep up the good work everyone! :thumbup:
Appreciation:
I appreciate that I care for nature.
Emotion:
Emotions have been rather muted/dull today, because things have been challenging the past 24 hours. I'm okay though, I'm relieved I was able to deal with things without getting too upset or triggered.
Accomplishment:
Today the waste/trash/garbage went out, and I only generated less than 1 full bag this month!
Appreciation: I mentioned that I wasn't having a good day to someone and they offered support. I usually don't believe people but I actually think this person might be genuine.
Emotion: Emotions have been a bit separate from me today, possibly due to doing my intro post in the forum. I'm practicing acceptance of whatever it is that I'm unknowingly feeling so will have a cuppa then do something I usually enjoy and just see how I go.
Accomplishment: I finally did the preparations so that my partner could henna my hair for me. I'd procrastinated on it for a few months so it is definitely an accomplishment. It may also help with giving me clarity on my mood by seeing my bright hair again.
Appreciation:
I appreciate that I'm getting less discouraged, even though Appreciation is still challenging!
Emotion:
Connected! I had a couple of conversations with the neighbour today. She is so sweet, and lent me some tools to help get more yard work done.
Accomplishment:
I got a lot of yard work done, including setting up a compost bin. It still has a ways to go, but it looks much better now. As a bonus, I did all the work manually to help get me more exercise.
Appreciation
I'm unlearning unhealthy patterns more quickly.
Emotion
Somewhat dissociated- wanting to process emotions more quickly but I feel a little frozen.
Accomplishment
I exercised today.
Appreciation
I'm recognizing when I say "I'm bad" when making a choice so I can change that.
Emotion
down and aggravated
Accomplishment
I ate salad.
Appreciation
I am resilient.
Emotion
A little hopeless and defeated. I'm so used to being knocked over as soon as I start to feel better.
Accomplishment
I talked myself out of one shame spiral this morning (I was beating myself up for being a bad role model for my daughter socially (she was acting withdrawn at a swim meet). I started to cry from shame but managed to tell myself she'd come around and I can't posisbly model all the best things in all realms.
Appreciation: I appreciate my ability to persevere. I appreciate the humour that my partner brings to my life.
Emotion: Was slightly positive earlier today but have been trending towards irritable since this afternoon.
Accomplishment: I potentially exposed that I have trauma to people who don't know by posting a birthday fundraiser for a non-profit that deals specifically with complex trauma. I've already met the small fundraising goal I set.
That's awesome that you met your fundraising goal SH! Some people may ask why you chose that one but you don't need to tell anyone if you don't want to.
******
Appreciation
I take responsibility
Emotion
Anger mixed with guilt
Accomplishment
Ran 4 miles today with a friend. I used to run marathons but lately the longest I've been able to do is 1.5 miles.
Missed yesterday and it's early-ish, so this one's for yesterday.
Appreciation
I can be very organized when need be.
Emotion
A little hopeful. Also excited and happy for a friend who's getting a surgery he really needs and wants to have soon.
Accomplishment
I am starting to admit to people I know that I have CPTSD.
Appreciation
Although my cat has kidney disease, she is currently not in immediate distress or pain or danger. The vet doesn't need to see her again for a year.
I also received another call for an interview so am grateful that I may have some options. My husband shared more support for me as I look for a new job.
I'm looking forward to starting my yoga teacher training today.
Emotion
Relieved, hopeful, nervous
Also noticing some anger and discomfort when I think about my current job and colleagues
Accomplishment
I've finished 2 months of a 6 month training plan I am doing to prepare for an ultra marathon in September. I am trying to remind myself that it will take as long as it takes (I am definitely more of a tortoise than a hare) and that I am doing this as a challenge for myself. So far I've felt proud of getting a lot more running (and a lot of walking) in than I ever have before. I am also being watchful of judgments about myself and my body.
Wow, this is wonderful stuff! Good job everyone. :)
Appreciation:
I appreciate all the new dimensions I'm unlocking in life.
Emotion:
Frustrated, distracted, hopeful, happy.
A lot of work today which didn't go as planned. All these new social experiences are distracting me, which is okay because they're new and important. I'm hopeful and happy for continued positive changes in my life.
Accomplishment:
Instead of working through what I was struggling with all day, I went and took a nap. I also got the major problem fixed afterwards!
OK, now for today's! lol
Appreciation
I love that my chosen family, although very small, loves and supports me the way a family should.
Emotion
A little overwhelmed with the options for a mattress I need to buy, but hopeful that it will help.
Accomplishment
I bagged up two trash bags worth of stuff to go to the thrift store donations. Cleared up a bit of floor space.
Appreciation
I appreciate about myself that I tried so so hard to connect with my mom and to be there for her. I appreciate that I can now see and feel that I did try - as hard as I possibly could and then some to the point of hurting myself....that now I can see that I am not bad for not being able to make it work.
Emotion
Exhausted and disconnnected
Accomplishment
I realized how unproductive I've been...and decided I needed to see how much vacation time I have and tried to really think about just taking time off. I have 5.5 weeks of vacation time saved up, not including sick leave. I think I have resolved to take at least 2 and maybe 3 weeks off this summer.
Great job CactusFlower and Armadillo! :thumbup:
Appreciation:
I appreciate I'm in better control of my emotions and distracting thoughts.
Emotion:
Frustrated by work again; appy and proud about the dinner I made!
Accomplishment:
Realized I need to not let myself be so frustrated, and made a note of it so I can start working on it over time.
Appreciation:
I appreciate that my cats love me, and are growing mentally healthier with me.
Emotion:
Anxious and stressed. I invited my neighbour over for dinner over a backyard fire this weekend, which was challenging to do. I was happy and relieved when she agreed. I was fairly relaxed for the rest of the day.
Accomplishment:
I was much less frustrated with work today because I made it a point to keep calm, even if it meant taking more breaks than usual.
:cheer: Jazzy!! I know you'll have a great time having your neighbor over for dinner. This is great!
Appreciation
I've learned to share (some) of what's going on for me with my husband so he can support me better. When I do it helps. And I did a little last night.
Emotion
Overwhelemed, and little hints of sad and anger
Accomplishment
Got my son his second vaccine. Now we just wait for approval for the youngest.
That's excellent Armadillo! :thumbup:
Appreciation:
This is still so challenging! ... I appreciate that I'm much better at wording things gently; especially providing constructive feedback instead of being judgmental and dismissive.
Emotion:
Today was mostly calm. I felt connected, chatting with the cashier at the grocery store this morning. In the past she always had to ask me to speak up for anything. Today we had a short conversation. Looking forward to dinner this weekend, but also guarded.
Accomplishment:
Prepped breakfast for next week. It took longer than I wanted but I didn't get too bothered by that.
Appreciation
In appreciate that I am learning to open up and tell my husband what is going on. Out of all the things therapy has done for me, this one is the best.
Emotion
Grateful, for the connection and support
Accomplishment
Took the day off work to hang out with my kids, and reset my emotions, exhaustion, and stress level.
Appreciation:
I appreciate that my culinary skills are improving, and I have my brother to help. He is a chef. :)
Emotion:
Mostly good today. Peaceful, relaxed, and happy.
Accomplishment:
Sewed a new collar for my cat because she doesn't like any of the ones I've bought for her.
Appreciation:
I appreciate that I'm mostly making healthier food choices
Emotion:
Mostly good today.
Accomplishment:
will have lunch with a friend, then complete a couple needed errands, including forms for doctors.
Well done Armadillo and CactusFlower! :thumbup:
Appreciation:
I appreciate that I'm learning to process emotions much better.
Emotion:
Highly emotional today! I cried quite a few times this morning, in a good way. This afternoon I went back and forth between serious and relaxed.
Accomplishment:
Today I wrote my survivor's story. It was emotionally challenging, but not as difficult as I expected. It was also incredibly therapeutic to write. :)
:) doing this one early since I was productive before noon, ha ha.
Appreciation:
I appreciate that I'm slowly learning I can ask for help.
Emotion:
proud that I got done what needed to and have planned the rest of the week, hopeful I'll have enough spoons for the way I planned.
Accomplishment:
I signed, scanned, and sent back forms to my doc's office and ordered the new mattress and printer I need.
Great job CactusFlower! :cheer: It's nice to read you are getting things done earlier than in the past; that's great improvement!
Appreciation:
I appreciate that I'm growing more confident in social situations.
Emotion:
Today my M texted me a few times which brought up a lot of anger and resistance, but later I felt much more peaceful after exercising outside and spending some time with my brother.
Accomplishment:
I think I helped lift my brothers mood today. When we first met up, he was feeling frustrated and down. After talking for 15 minutes or so, he was notably more peaceful and happy. For so many years, I've made people feel worse. It is great to think I helped someone feel better. :)
Appreciation
I'm grateful for the yoga teacher training I signed up for. I am learning a lot especially names of things I've been doing.
Emotion
Restless, uneasy, hopeful
Accomplishment
I'm proud of myself for naming what I would like to happen at work to the principal. I stated that I think I should have a different workspace and gave my reasoning. She might not support my proposal, but she definitely wouldn't have if I hadn't asked.
Appreciation:
I appreciate my weird ability to retain trivia, lol.
Emotion:
okay? A little apprehensive about a simple medical thing in the morning, but it's not a big deal in reality. Annoyance at this week being a busy one, because it'll make me super tired.
Accomplishment:
I got most of the bedding washed.
Well done Rainydiary and CactusFlower!
Appreciation:
I appreciate that I'm feeling less destroyed when I'm hurt, i.e. I'm able to continue functioning much more than before, instead of collapsing in bed for days.
Emotion:
I've felt happy and encouraged and productive today. A couple of things later on in the day hurt me a lot, but I pulled through, and I'm feeling alright again.
Accomplishment:
Jogged a little bit today with my new shoes and shorts! It wasn't a lot, but it was the perfect amount! I could feel my muscles gently burning afterwards, and I wasn't injured.
Appreciation:
I appreciate that I can make plans well and rearrange them when needed.
Emotion:
relief, accomplishment, amusement at some memes someone sent me.
Accomplishment:
I got a medical appt over with and was able to say no to someone's request. (not related to each other)
Appreciation:
I appreciate that I can make some connections between past trauma and current behavior I never knew before.
Emotion:
satisfaction, a little anxiety about another medical appointment in the morning, excited to get my new printer tomorrow.
Accomplishment:
I got my mattress delivered, switched them out, and remade the bed. The new one is soooo comfy!
Excellent stuff CactusFlower! :) I'm so happy about your mattress!
Appreciation:
I appreciate that I'm learning that it's not okay for me to go so low (mentally/mood) anymore.
Emotion:
A bit hurt and disappointed in the morning, but happy and proud in the evening.
Accomplishment:
Today I went to a real grocery store, by my self, for the first time in over 10 years. Even before that I barely ever went to the grocery store. I also asked a couple of employees where to find things, and it went well!
Quote from: Jazzy on June 18, 2021, 02:00:25 AM
Accomplishment:
Today I went to a real grocery store, by my self, for the first time in over 10 years. Even before that I barely ever went to the grocery store. I also asked a couple of employees where to find things, and it went well!
That is a HUGE accomplishment. :cheer:
Thank you Notalone! :)
Appreciation:
I appreciate that I am learning to see signs of trauma in others and help them find hope.
Emotion:
Appreciative and successful; my mind has been doing a great job recently!
Accomplishment:
I re-arranged my house a bit today to make it better to live in. It's really great that I have an idea like that, make a note of it, then follow through at a more appropriate time. This system works really well for me. :)
oops, missed a few days. oh well.
Appreciation:
I appreciate that I can find a calendaring system that works for me.
Emotion:
bored a little, happy that I was able to give away some stuff people could really use.
Accomplishment:
I managed to buy some healthier food options to have around.
That's okay, CactusFlower! I've missed days too. This is always here for us when we need it, and it's okay when we don't. :)
Great job on your entry today! :thumbup:
Appreciation:
I appreciate that I'm learning to be gentle, with myself and others... part of that is truly understanding what is going on, including the underlying causes instead of just reacting to the obvious.
Emotion:
Frustrated, defeated, sad, hurt, low hope... but also determination and perseverance.
Accomplishment:
I cut my hair in a Mohawk style today to reflect my (partial) Native American lineage. This has always been very important to me, and I finally did it for the first time since high school! Yay! :cheer:
Jazzy, congrats on the haircut! That's awesome that it's a way for you to connect with your roots. EDIT: oh gods, I did make a pun, didn't I.... LOL
Appreciation:
I appreciate that I can deal with a lot of bodily functions other people can't.
Emotion:
relief, happy anticipation for lunch with a friend today.
Accomplishment:
I did a home lab test my doc ordered and returned it to the lab this morning, so that's over with.
Quote from: CactusFlower on June 24, 2021, 03:31:49 PM
Jazzy, congrats on the haircut! That's awesome that it's a way for you to connect with your roots.
:rofl:
Appreciation: I am grateful for the many friends in my life who help me in many ways; listening, proofreading a letter, a quick note that they are praying for me, etc.
Emotion: Pride. One of my Parts felt proud of the steps she has made. Compassion. I'm feeling compassion for myself and my Littles right now.
Accomplishment: Made cookies for future event. Emailed cover letter and resume.
Good job CactusFlower, and nice pun! :D
Well done, Notalone. I like that blue, what is the colour code for it?
Appreciation:
I appreciate that I am learning to do the hard work I need to do, without overwhelming myself.
Emotion:
A little frustrated, but also relieved and determined.
Accomplishment:
I've done a lot of work on improving my spine and learning to walk properly. Feels bad to say I'm learning to walk properly at my age, but it's better than never learning.
Oh yay! I'm happy we are wading into providing a bit of support here! Jazzy: that's really exciting about connecting with your heritage and I feel a bit sad you've had a rough week. Cactus: good job on the healthy foods. I am not good with healthy eating. I like healthy food but I use not healthy food in an unhealthy way. Not alone I am very happy you are feeling compassionate toward your littles.
Appreciation
Mmm. I appreciate I. Um. Hmm. Ok. Wow. Lol. I'm a good mom. I appreciate that about myself. Flawed but loving. And the flaws are my busted-a%^ brain but that's getting better.
Emotion
Hurt. Really hurt.
Accomplishment
I did a presentation and panel for a pretty big audience yesterday and it went really well. Normally my brain runs away from me and I struggle to even know how to introduce myself but this time even when I was blindsided a couple times my brain stuck with me. So I actually felt really confident...but that always has an intense backlash and after maybe 30 minutes i was shaking and sobbing with shame. But I was feeling confident and that is progress.
Quote from: Jazzy on June 25, 2021, 12:19:27 AM
Well done, Notalone. I like that blue, what is the colour code for it?
4DA6FF
Quote from: ArmadilloOh yay! I'm happy we are wading into providing a bit of support here!
Me too! Thank you for expressing this,
Armadillo! It's taken me a while to grow more confident in doing things like this. I've been so afraid about how things like this may trigger someone, or may be considered inappropriate etc.
I'm really trying to set all those thoughts and fears aside, and just (re)act emotionally. I feel better when I'm supported and encouraged, so I do the same for others.
Armadillo: I'm sorry you are feeling hurt and overwhelmed with shame. I also think it is good that you are processing that and getting it out of your system. It was very helpful for me. I'm quite impressed that you held it together and did well on your presentation, and processed emotion later!
Notalone: Thank you for sharing that colour code. I looked it up and the website said it is called "Cornflower Blue". I really like that!
--
Appreciation:
I appreciate that I'm growing more confident and respecting myself more.
Emotion:
Today has been rather calm emotionally, especially compare to the last few days. I've seen my neighbour a few times today, and I'm quite bitter about how she has and continues to treat me.
Accomplishment:
I went for a walk holding my lower spine straight! Wow, that was challenging. :)
Appreciation:
I appreciate that my confidence is growing.
Emotion:
Mostly calm, with some bitterness towards the neighbour. Accomplished and happy to write things which have been helpful to me. Hopeful it will help others as well.
Accomplishment:
Took a number of notes about important things which will help me improve my life.
Appreciation:
I appreciate that my brother (chosen family) loves and supports me and understands.
Emotion:
Mostly calm and content, a few moments of irritation
Accomplishment:
got my bro to help with taking stuff to garage to clean up living room a little and am now consolidating all my health info into a notebook to keep in my purse just in case.
Appreciation:
I can be very industrious, and put that to work today. Got many things done that have been piling up.
Emotion:
There was a lot of frustration at my partner. I read his grumpy behavior and lack of engagement today as passive aggressive, but happily I no longer immediately assume it's somehow my fault, even if I still try to keep out of his way. Also it turns out he just had a headache.
Accomplishment:
I managed to remember to take breaks and treat my body gently among all the business. Probably could still have balanced it all better but I'm proud I remembered not to push myself at all cost.
Wow, this is excellent Sage, and Laurels!
Appreciation:
I appreciate that my confidence is continuing to grow and that I use it to encourage others as best as I can. :thumbup:
Emotion:
Productive and happy for the most part, as well as encouraged. :)
Accomplishment:
Wrote out a letter to my mother. Yikes! :aaauuugh:
Appreciation:
I have been able to be a little more assertive in emails lately about things not arriving on time while being reasonable about shipping times.
Emotion:
Anger at fireworks locals, joy regarding Buy Nothing group, amusement at the cats
Accomplishment:
I've managed to make sure some cluttery things get out of my house lately and request the next Dr. visit even when I don't want to go.
Yikes, it's been a while since I've posted here. I've been more overwhelmed than I realized... how easy it is for that to happen. Thanks for posting Sage, as it brought it in to my "Updated Topics" list.
Appreciation:
I appreciate that I'm doing better at connecting with others, with a lot of help. :)
Emotion:
Mostly peaceful, but I also dealt with a lot of challenging things, which took their toll. A bit scared at how badly I was triggered by my ex-wife's e-mail yesterday. There's nothing wrong with what she wrote, just my own mind.
Accomplishment:
I took a statement of fact as a statement of fact, not a judgement. Someone said "I don't know what you don't like about this...". Instead of feeling ashamed and shutting down, I pointed out that we were talking about different things, which was the root of the disagreement.
Appreciation:
I appreciate my sweet kittycats and how they know when I don't feel good.
Emotion:
joy, accomplishment
Accomplishment:
I got someone to take the pile of boxes so my living room has even MORE space in it now, and I've gone out there to watch a little tv and felt more comfy.
This is wonderful Sage. :)
Appreciation:
I appreciate that all of the pain I have been through leads me to become so strong and good.
Emotion:
Far too many to name individually today. Please read my journal if you would like to know more.
Accomplishment:
Today I broke through the barriers of my deepest trauma with the help of others.