Life has thrown another disaster my way at just the worst time when I was trying to explore my emptiness and search for something that might be me.
I've just been riding the wave and trying to hang on when yesterday for whatever reason, whether I was being more mindful or circumstances were different I just sat with it and discovered the stomach knotting mind obliterating sensation was fear itself. I FEEL FEAR. Yes, I've felt something I can identify and work with. So I've sat with it, going into it, my teeth started to chatter and legs started to shake as I pulled some weird faces, I actually felt that I'd expressed or integrated some of it as I was much more liberated that day. All my fear and anger wants to do is ATTATCH. It wants a host to lock onto but unfortunately that has just made me angry and fearful of others instead of just dealing with the sensation as it comes up.
This feeling that I've identified I believe is responsible for so much of my behaviour, I hope and pray this is a genuine move forward, I feel it today but don't have the opportunity to deal with it but at least I know what it is and that it's not going to destroy me.
To anybody who's read this, thankyou and I hope it made a bit of sense I just needed to get it out there.
Quote from: Oz on January 23, 2021, 03:40:55 PM
I feel it today but don't have the opportunity to deal with it but at least I know what it is and that it's not going to destroy me.
Oz, to me this seems really significant; that you were able to recognize the feeling of fear and allow yourself to experience it. Knowing that it isn't going to destroy you is a big thing. What you did is a big step in "dealing with it."
Thank you for sharing your experience with us, Oz! I defenetly think being able to recognise and acknowledge any feeling, and then also say to oneself it won't destroy me, is a huge step forward! I struggle with this when overwhelming feelings hit me!
Your experience might help me remember next time I feel overwhelmed, that I won't die! It'll pass! Thank you!
Thank you, Oz, you helped me realize I was feeling fear today instead of complete numbness. Baby steps! :)