This may seem silly to some and I'm sorry if I waste your time reading this post.
I was just reading a bed time story to my daughter, a book I must have read many times before however tonight was different.
As I was reading it I started to get very emotional and I then had a flashback to being at college where we had to read in front of our peers and bring a book to life as if reading to children (I trained as a nursery nurse). I felt the humiliation of the situation and how I was told by many of my peers I couldn't do certain books, I remember my peers whispering to each other when I was doing my chosen book and how being so vulnerable in front of everyone was so difficult. All my life I feel like I have been bullied and right now I feel like I need to run away as I feel ashamed of myself.
I'm scared of having to read a book to the children at work in front of my colleagues in case the same thing happens and I will be a laughing stock at work.
Not silly at all. That sounds really humiliating and hurtful. It makes sense that you had that flashback when you read the book to your daughter. I know the feeling of humiliation. It is awful.
Thank you for your reply, some of the flashbacks I have seem to be of trivial things and not just the main trauma of R***. I sometimes think others would say I'm pathetic to be affected by something like I mentioned, it may not seem a big thing but when it follows 6 years of bullying at school and made to do things of a sexual nature with boys it then becomes a big thing I guess.
If it impacted you, it's a big thing.
Thank you for making me feel validated, a lot of the time I feel like I shouldn't be suffering the way I am as people have had it much worse. It often feels like my mind is against me and there is just no escape.
Your experience resonates with me. I did a course on teaching yoga to children this year and the teachers of the training kept making comments to me about how I need to have and use more energy. There was also one day where we pretended to act like little kids while we taught each other. This was a terrible experience to me because adults acting like kids are way worse than kids actually are...and then to be criticized for how I handled it made me so upset and hate the rest of the training.
I've worked with children for a decade now and find that my quiet style suits many. I will never be every child's person but I also don't think I need to be something I'm not. I've struggled my whole life with being told I am "bad" and a mistake.
Your experience matters and I am sorry that you felt this way. Thank you for sharing as it gave me space to remember this experience and share it because I haven't had the chance to tell anyone.
Quote from: Bounty on September 06, 2020, 05:52:52 PM
Thank you for your reply, some of the flashbacks I have seem to be of trivial things and not just the main trauma of R***. I sometimes think others would say I'm pathetic to be affected by something like I mentioned, it may not seem a big thing but when it follows 6 years of bullying at school and made to do things of a sexual nature with boys it then becomes a big thing I guess.
Hello Bounty,
It's quite common it seems for us to discount what
seems to be a more trivial trauma. Quite a lot of mbrs on here do it about their own trauma but never about other people's! I do it too. I know it stems at least partially from often having our injuries compared to others' and how much other people's lives were worse than our own :blahblahblah: :blahblahblah: :blahblahblah: when we were growing up. That's often done by the very people who hurt us.
However whatever the trauma was, it was a situation which felt inescapable, overpowering and very dangerous. There's no point in comparing. Trauma is trauma. But I'm glad you wrote about it :thumbup: It's good to get it out of your system and hopefully get some validation on here.
I get triggers in all sorts of strange and minor-seeming situations.