Hi there!
I never know how to introduce myself on these things. I've been a member of various message boards for half my life, since I was a teenager, but haven't really found anywhere regular to post since I left my last eating disorder-related forum ten years ago. I have chronic mental health problems related to trauma, and while I am suspicious of pretty much all diagnoses (I'm a therapist and a PhD student in the field of trauma, so half of my life is spent picking holes in mental health research), CPTSD certainly fits me best of all the labels that don't really fit me very well. Relational Trauma Response seems like it would be an even better description.
I come from a long line of traumatised women who were abused by their mothers, so I started my life with attachment problems because my mum was really unstable and never sought help, and then I experienced various forms of abuse and neglect throughout my childhood and teens, some from my parents and some outside my home. At 35 years old I am way more functional than any of the psychiatrists I saw as a teenager predicted - I have a career and an education and a long term relationship after a lot of false starts - but I am still in a lot of pain a lot of the time and it sucks. I've been in and out of therapy for almost twenty years, with lots of short stints with therapists I didn't click with particularly well, but for the last 2.5 years I've been with a really good relationally-oriented therapist and that feels like it's finally going somewhere. It's incredibly hard - I get triggered by feeling cared for by her, I get triggered by feeling disconnected from her, everything she does hurts in some way. But it feels really necessary too, so I'm committed.
When I'm not losing my mind or working, I am a giant nerd - birdwatching, Star Trek, astrophysics, all forms of nerdery are good with me.
I look forward to meeting you all!
Hello and welcome. Hope you find being here useful.
:heythere:
Hi, welcome! I started my "recovery" in my early 30s and since then (30 + years ago) this is the first group of people I've found who get it, who are supportive, informed, validating, and most of all who are like me. I always felt like an alien or something around others - like they'd all been given the password or secret handshake that I wasn't privy to. I hope you find the same is true for you. Thanks for joining and adding your voice to ours.
:heythere:
Welcome to the forum! :heythere: This is a good place.
:wave: Hi, fellow traveler.
Settle in for some far-ranging explorations of this bottomless pit referred to as c-ptsd. This forum can seem like a rope to hang onto, given that it feels like we've fallen off a cliff sometimes.
Often, though, it just seems sad and lonely being here. Yet it's also trustworthy and most important, a safe refuge in which to wonder, grieve, hope, and share the pains -- and triumphs -- with others who "get it".
Welcome. :heythere:
Hi and a warm welcome to OOTS Limetree :heythere:
Sadly it can take a long time to find a good therapist and approach to help in recovery/healing as many of us here know. A lot of this has to do with the state of affairs with regard to CPTSD as a diagnosis. As you likely know the field has spent almost 30 years debating (dithering) over whether CPTSD is a distinct entity from PTSD since Judith Herman first identified it in 1992. It was only in 2018 that the WHO accepted it as a diagnosis for the ICD-11 so knowledgeable therapists, evidence based therapeutic approaches, services and support are lacking the world over.
I'm so glad to hear though that you found a T who you feel is helping. A relational approach does seem to be crucial for us which makes sense given we are dealing with relational trauma.
I hope you find some helpful info here along with a safe space to post and be validated, received, supported. This trauma tribe does get it as Woodsgnome suggested.
:grouphug:
Hi
Welcome to the forum. Hope you find it as safe and healing as I have done.
Slim