Out of the Storm

I'm really fighting the urge to self harm the last couple days.  It keeps popping in my head.  I tell myself it's not worth it. I have tried squeezing ice cubes, drawing hard on paper, coloring in red, so many things!!!!

It's still there  :Idunno:  I know if I do it, I'll be able to breathe again.  But I've come so far to slip now...  :Idunno:

Just need people to tell me it will be ok and the urge will pass  ???

Dear Deep Blue,
Firstly,  think that it will be ok, and the urge will pass, but I know that it is a tough time for you just now - and I want to wish you strength to get through this.  Sending you a hug too - if that's ok  :hug:  I wish there was more I could do or say, but I want you to know that I think of you - and hope that you are ok - and I hope that you are able to get through this.
Hope  :)

The urge will pass! I am here, cheering you on ... You are worthy of being treated well, even by yourself... I'm glad you are here in this world! You bring so much to so many people. A gentle, understanding :hug: for you... ❤️

 :grouphug:  Deep Blue.

Do you have an idea of what is triggering this?  It might help to defuel the urge if you talk about it here. 

I haven't self harmed in almost two years and I still get theurges.  Things have been stressful and I even fought the urge yesterday.  I can visualize myself doing  it so I try to distract.  Drawing the feeling seems to help.  It is hard, but I've managed to beat it.  The urge does pass, I don't feel that way today.

Hope,
Thanks for saying you think of me.  I've been terrible to you lately.  I've barely posted anything the last couple months, and nothing on your journal  :Idunno:  I'm caught up in so much of my own stuff and I'm losing faith that things will get better for me.

3roses,
I feel like I used to have more to say in this forum. I used to have will and energy to help others.  Now where am I? I'm just digging my own hole and not helping anyone. I'm a whiney needy thing that takes up space.

Kizzie,
Too many flashbacks... I can't sleep through the night... My well is empty.

Dee,
I've missed you.  Maybe I can draw it today... usually I write poems but I just can't even do that right now.  Yeah I hope it passes, i just hate when I get to the point that I don't have the energy to fight. I'm closing in on that quickly

 :hug: :hug: to you Deep Blue. Yes, those kind of urges do pass.

btw your message to 3R - I don't see that at all in you and your posts! You're going through a rough time. Being true to oneself and one's needs is most important here. Where you're not responding, other people are. Do not worry about others atm, please.  :grouphug:

I understand that desire for self-harm and the expected feeling of relief. The urge to hurt yourself will pass. It is so hard to know that when you are in the middle of a whirlwind, but no feeling lasts forever. Please keep resisting that urge. You are worthy of care and kindness.

Blueberry,
Thanks for being kind to me when I have no desire to be kind to myself.

Notalone,
Thanks for telling me I'm worth the kindness even though I don't feel like it. 

My T told me that the emotional pull to SH dissapates to manageable after 2 minutes. I told her that was junk! Asked her where she got that?? I told her it's been 3 days! And I've been struggling much longer than that lately.

You mentioned having EFs Deep Blue and  I can also see that your Inner Critic is in full force.  Talking about what caused/triggered you may help to defuel the urge to SH.

We're here for you just like you've been there for many of us  :grouphug:   

You are so right Kizzie! I'm in a EF  :doh:  thanks so much for that.  Knowing that I'm in one makes it easier.  Now I need to take it into consideration.

I may pop over to my journal and tell the specifics of what the trigger is.  I don't want to put it here because it's sure to trigger others.

Thanks for all of you  :hug:

 :grouphug: 

You are worthy of being on the receiving end of our care and concern, Deep Blue. Just because you are having troubles at the moment doesn't diminish your worth to us.  :hug:

By the way, when I want to sh, I draw on my skin. There are even special pens you can buy that are specifically made for this purpose. You can find them by Googling "pens for skin writing". Much love to you my dear.  :hug:

Update:
Feeling more like myself again.  Urge is mostly gone, at least it's lessened to the point that I have the will to fight it.

Honestly, Kizzie pointing out that I was in an EF was a Huge help.  It helped to bring that rational piece of my mind out again.

Thanks 3R so much.  It felt good to read that I have worth in this forum.  Thanks for that.  :hug:

Yes, of course youhave worth on this forum and are worth being kind to!  :grouphug:

I'm glad you're feeling more yourself and have the will to fight again :thumbup:

Glad to hear the intensity of feeling has lessened and that you are feeling more "like yourself."

Hi Deep Blue,
You have always been lovely to me - and always supportive, I just wanted to say that, as I saw you thought you'd been 'terrible' - and that is just not the case (I hope you know how much you mean to me and other people here) - you are so supportive and caring - that is what I think.
I am glad you're feeling better in yourself - now that the EF has passed - and I want to send you another hug - if that's ok  :hug:
Hope  :)