I wrote this in the middle of the night when I was woken by another nightmare.
Waking up in the small hours
Her lifeless cold drowned body
Jerking me to consciousness
My body is cold with sweat
My face dripping
But not with sea water
Pressure on my chest
Sadness in my throat
Tears locked inside
Hit with sudden intensity
Past fears come to life
Intruding on my today
Reaching over my daughter's bed
Sudden awareness of my vulnerability
Spin around to face my partner
"Don't touch me!"
I know he's never going to hit me
But my body doesn't know that yet
On the edge of coping
Can't deal with loud noises
Anger rises
Want to hit something or someone
Don't know why
But it's easier than facing what's inside
Heart wrenching and relatable.