I've realised that I haven't quite built up enough resilience to handle adversity with grace yet. I feel more pain than I should. Or I put more hope in the flashes of happiness than I should.
My recovery hasn't gone far enough to cope without my whole being suffering. I need everyone that I can to be around me.
I am still fragile.
We're here, Contessa.
I'm glad you're here because your presence makes the world a bit brighter.
Does resilience mean we don't suffer with our whole being? I don't see it that way. Another word for wholeness is integrity, and sure, part of that is about not sweating the small stuff, and about being able to let go and wholly feel the next thing. But suffering can be overwhelming and the pain is real.
I don't believe it is wallowing to honour our suffering. Maybe it's the way through? Maybe resilience is nothing more that being able to fully embody it without losing sight of the fact that it isn't everything even if it is everything at that time. Which is really hard.
One thing I know for me, is that when suffering leads to depression, everything becomes narrow and I can't see or experience the wide world beyond. Being resilient is holding onto knowing, without the proof from my own experience, that the wide-world is still there full of infinite possibilites, even when I can't reach it, and the future is unwritten.
I'm not suggesting you are depressed, I hope you aren't. I know I am right now, and holding on.
Reaching out to the good people is the best thing we can do when we feel terrible pain. I only wish there was something I could do to to help. Hold onto hope. Those flashes of happiness were just as real.
Sending you a warm hug, if you would like one.
We'll be here, propping you up when you need it, cheering you on all the time. I know how rough it all can be, how overwhelming sometimes. :hug:
Thank you Rad and 3R.
Still coming to realisations and processing my feelings.
Very over all of this.