My present T explained something useful to me yesterday, which might help others too. He works a lot with imagery and this is really helpful to me. My translation of T's words might sound a bit unscientific so bear with me.
Our CPTSD is a biological neural network, and it's like a huge inflatable doll. Wherever we start work on it, it loses air, reduces in size and power, and till it finally crumples up and falls down leaving the outer casing deflated on the ground where it has next to no power over us anymore.
It really doesn't matter where we start to work on it, so it's good to start at the easiest place, for us. The least triggering. Something that won't bowl us over backwards for months. Apparently we don't even have to look at and process every last piece of trauma and retraumatisation we've ever experienced. Because the inflatable doll will hit the ground before we get that far. This is a relief for me quite frankly. My inflatable doll isn't crumpled up on the ground yet, but definitely a lot smaller, a lot less full of air. Sometime, my inflatable doll will fall. My T didn't say, and I didn't ask, but I'm sure that I'm over the half-way mark in processing.
That's a great metaphor, it seems to fit my personal recovery experience well.
Such a good way to track your own recovery, and feel like the master of it :)
very cool image. i like it
This is awesome! It's easy to picture, even for those of us who are not very good with images, and is really encouraging. I hope it is accurate for me!
This is a really helpful way of looking at it, thanks Blueberry. (Also, I love your username - blueberries are great! :D And so are you.)
Quote from: Erebor on December 18, 2017, 07:35:26 PM
(Also, I love your username - blueberries are great! :D And so are you.)
Thank you! Put a big smile on my face :) which I need today.
:hug:
Quote from: Blueberry on December 06, 2017, 10:49:32 PMMy T didn't say, and I didn't ask, but I'm sure that I'm over the half-way mark in processing.
Oh to be so optimistic! I think it is unlikely that I was at the half-way mark then. I wouldn't even dare to guess if I'm there now! ;)
Quote from: Blueberry on April 24, 2024, 01:00:23 PMQuote from: Blueberry on December 06, 2017, 10:49:32 PMMy T didn't say, and I didn't ask, but I'm sure that I'm over the half-way mark in processing.
Oh to be so optimistic! I think it is unlikely that I was at the half-way mark then. I wouldn't even dare to guess if I'm there now! ;)
Oh dear. Did you tread on it the wrong way and fill the torso with air by mistake so it suddenly sat up?
:grouphug:
That's a spot of humour I presume, but to answer truthfully: No NK, actually, just I probably hadn't envisaged then that I'd still be working on myself to this degree 6 1/2 years later with no end in sight and in fact me back in trauma therapy. I am of course happy about the latter, since it's necessary, but I remember the image back then or maybe in the next year or two and it was definitely deflating whereas now I don't have the image much in my head at all. It's more: once again, I'm in for the long haul. There is so much still to process and I get exhausted so easily.
Quote from: Blueberry on April 24, 2024, 01:00:23 PMQuote from: Blueberry on December 06, 2017, 10:49:32 PMMy T didn't say, and I didn't ask, but I'm sure that I'm over the half-way mark in processing.
Oh to be so optimistic! I think it is unlikely that I was at the half-way mark then. I wouldn't even dare to guess if I'm there now! ;)
Ditto today. Does this stuff ever end? Will I ever get to a point where I have a regular 'will-to-live', where I feel joy and fun?
I want to respond "yes" to your question BB, AND when I discover the secret I swear to (goddess?) I will immediately share.
But for the moment all I can do is send a hug...
:hug:
Thank you Chart :hug:
One=one
Two=two-and-a-half
I want to answer 'yes' too Blueberry. Me too, I have been processing things for many years in different ways. And there are times when you think you're in the same spot that you were before and you think you're going nowhere. But I like to think of it as spiraling up a mountain: it looks like you're in the same spot when you look from above, but actually when you look from the side of the mountain, you can see that you are a little bit higher up the mountain than you were before. I hope this helps.
:hug:
:grouphug: