I've decided I really do hate my mom and I am good with that.
She is responsible for much of my abuse. Not only did she fail to protect me but she put me into situations that were dangerous. When I look back at trauma and think how did so much happen? I know much of it, until the time I left, is because of her. I would never have put my daughter in those dangerous situations.
Venting, feels good. Maybe I can go back to sleep now. I think I had a dream that I don't remember.
Do
:hug:
:applause: Yes, turn the hate outward. :hug:
I seem not to feel anything toward my M and F right now... Hate wouldn't be a bad emotion.
outward is good. hate is not bad. feelings of any kind are not wrong. you're doing great, dee.
I feel angry. Outraged. Nowhere for that to go apart from taking it out on myself. Hating her would be a step up, but that isn't how I feel.
Quote from: Blueberry on May 07, 2017, 11:32:53 AM
Hate wouldn't be a bad emotion.
Usual understatement. Just realised this could be pretty misunderstood. I meant that it wouldn't be a bad thing if I started to feel some hate. Not that any emotions are good or bad per se.
Now that you realize you hate her, maybe you can finally unload the shame and guilt that was never yours to begin with onto the 'right' person.
I hope you were finally able to get some sleep. :hug:
I feel exactly the same and know where you are coming from. Now relying on good friends who I can trust to support me through the rough times ahead.
Snap!