Hi all :wave: - as I recall my actions and reactions over the years; I realized that I've been living in a triggered state due to CPTSD for most of the time. So sad!!! I now get it! I now understand when I'm in "that mood" that causes me to over-react, as I feel used and abused; and who knows what triggered me. I have been so used to living with this angst, this terrible underlining anguish that I've forever had to push through.
No wonder I felt the need to self-medicate with drugs and alcohol. My Mom would say "can't you just be happy without getting high?" And I would honestly say, no. NO, why?? She figured it was due to my "addictive personality" (that's what everyone has said.) And now I get it, no, it's not that I can't stop my addictive personality, it's because I'm STRUGGLING with degrading internal thinking processes, as my amygdala forever gets hijacked over and over again.
Again, it was HERE that I figured this out. I feel so relieved. I'm just starting to understand, the light is just starting to come through. I still have a long way to go. But, I have felt more happy lately than I can remember, as my brain moves in a positive direction. As I allow myself, to heal.
Thank you everyone :yes:
:hug:
Quoteas I recall my actions and reactions over the years; I realized that I've been living in a triggered state due to CPTSD for most of the time. So sad!!! I now get it!
Me too! :wacko:
Well, me three :stars:
Me, four.
I do too! I have also learned that when I go from 0 to 10 and feel like I am out of control it is a form of dissociation. Sometimes I feel like I can watch me loose it.
Wow Dee, that's wild! :aaauuugh:
Like right now :blink: my boyfriend/domestic partner (who is uBPD although it could be CTPSD too) will criticize me when he is stressed. He just did this and now I am secluding myself feeling this very common feeling of angst, confusion, anger, sadness, and feel like licking my wounds (OK abused.) If I come back out I will be like a ticking time bomb; all someone will have to do is look at me sideways (especially my boyfriend.) I'm so friggin' sensitive and appear to be very needy when I think about it. I wish I could just let this stuff go.
:hug: