I am finding that I am making some progress in sticking with my feelings/thoughts/processes, but at the same time, I'm having some significant chunks of dissociation in the day - I drove today - and parked my car - came back to the car-park - couldn't find the car - when I did find it, I found it hard to 'recognise' my car - i.e. I noticed a sticker on the windscreen that I didn't recognise, and then I thought maybe that's not my car. I had to look at it really hard, and for a few moments, it looked 'too old and dusty and mucky' to be mine - which made me realise that I've not been looking after it - I've allowed it to get dirty and dusty, and just not noticed that!
Weird - my partner told me he understands that I'm going through more stress lately - and he recognises that I am not thinking clearly at such times, and he was supportive. Phew! I am so glad that he is understanding.
Anyway, it was my car, and I managed to drive it home safely.
Just wanted to share that here.
Hope :)
After joining this forum, reading about dissociation, and then being mindful, I have also noticed how often I must have dissociated in the past. Having a name for it and knowing what it is, and hearing that other people dissociate too, has made me feel less abnormal!
Hi ThreeRoses,
I agree with you - it's better having a name for something - and understanding it more. Sometimes I wonder how much of the various self-help books I've read that I've actually processed, and then I think - 'Yes, I have processed and understood' quite a few things, but then on other occasions my inner critic starts making me doubt myself, and then suddenly I feel almost like an amnesiac - unable to remember huge chunks, or even the smallest of details.
In contrast to when I wrote this post, I can say that today - I think I was more 'present' than normal - which is good. I wish I could have more sense of control over it though - maybe that's something that will come with practice... I don't really know. It all feels continually experimental in many respects.
Hope :)