In my last therapy discussion we talked about my increased state of hypervigilence with the stalking situation. This led to a conversation about a lifetime of hypervigilence. I have made changes to my house to create escapes. I got upset at my daughter for locking my second story escape, asking her if she thought spiderman was going to scale the wall. I am especially sensitive to anyone walking in front of a window. I don't close my eyes, ever. I keep them open at night, staring at my bedroom door, until I just fall asleep eventually.
She remarked that is doesn't really seem fair. My dad had a 30 year sentence and served in full in 9 years with good time. She said his 9 years doesn't compare to a lifetime of hypervigilence for me. It has become so normal for me that I really don't think of it. She asked if I would want my children to live like that, I can't say I would. I suppose with PTSD there was a time before hypervigilance, for me and possibly others here, there is not.
Hypervigilance is certainly part of my life. The only time I'm truly relaxed is when I'm alone with my dog. Otherwise, a relaxed state is difficult to attain and easily interrupted, and it takes a lot of inner work to relax again. My natural state around people is tense & watchful.
It's something I'm working on. You're not in this alone! :wave:
Dee,
She's right that it's not fair. I don't remember a time before hypervigilance either, so I can relate to all of this. I'm so sorry that you are having to deal with the stalker and that it has increased your hypervigilance. :(
Quote from: Three Roses on October 30, 2016, 05:09:52 PM
My natural state around people is tense & watchful.
Me too.