Weird day today, I went to work and was in charge. I find this stressful and whilst I was in a meeting I just went 'funny' sort of like a panic attack but I'm not sure ..my head all day had been telling me I'm no good 'usual theme' but today it got to me more
I left work with a massive headache ( suffered these all my life and then got home and didn't want to see anyone ...
What is good is I remember it will pass and to be kind to my self ...
I hate the way my head tells me I'm not good enough when I find something challenging it's like a self fufulling prophecy ...
I wish I was better at stuff, more intelligent and with it ..
The anti depressants don't help with the mental fog
I've had similar days where the stress at work triggers a flashback. The last time this happened, I felt stupid afterwards, but realized how much I've grown because I didn't allow myself to stay in that mode. Like you said, I remembered it will pass. Keep remembering to be kind to yourself. Tomorrow is another day. :hug:
I've had that happen a lot at work too and is was always the worst when I was in charge. In hindsight I think that is probably a big part of why I changed companies I've only been able to barely tolerate working part time for the last three +years. Hopefully it gets better in recovery for all of us. It does make me wonder if there are better and worse job/career choices for those of us with cPTSD? :Idunno:
Yep, the inner critic is banging away at us , telling us were not good enough. We can let it pass otr tell it to shut up, but the self doubt can become overpowering.
On top of an already stressful job and stressful colleagues sometimes.
Ive never wanted the responsibility of management etc in my jobs and i know others likewise, dont need the stress!! ie flashbacks with CPSTD now i realise.
I work on my own now , which has many benefits for people with CPTSD , so there is less intrusive thought, but the downside is loneliness and mind numbingly dull.
I used to work in an office doing the same job with a narcisstic/psychopathic boss, (ironically i think he suffered badly from CPSTD ) so im grateful i dont have to go back to that. My heart would sink seeing his car in car park, would i cop it today, or a colleague
I had a bad night last night. I couldn't get to sleep, even with my sister in my bed, cuddling like we used to when we were kids.
All these intrusive thoughts, I can't shut my brain down. Even if I take a melatonin. I think it was almost 1:00 by the time I got to sleep.
Yet I was still able to wake up at 6:30. Which never happens if I have a late night.
My morning has also been pretty rough. I sometimes feel like I'm wasting my life away, but it's getting hard to go through even one day sometimes. I just don't know what to do.
Thank u all for sharing - really helps me
Lapis I can relate to intrusive thoughts mine go round and round -
Writing can be very helpful
Meditation also
Do your thoughts have a particular theme (you don't have to answer it's just good to identify The theme I find