I have just been reading about object constancy which is really new to me. Could it be likened to when im out somewhere i see someone i recognise but i dont always say hi as i think they wont remember me? Iv done this loads of times over the years and probably come across very ignorant. I just find it hard to believe they know who i am.
Also on the flip side what concerns me is when someone is there in person i can engage with them but when they have gone its like they have gone from my mind.
My dad once said its like out of sight out of mind with me and its true.
It makes me feel very selfish and unfeeling that i do it, but genuinely they rarely pop back into my mind until they contact me again. Most people have proper friendships that they can continue but i just dont seem to be able to.
Its caused me a lot of anxiety in the past as i give myself a hard time for being such a bad friend.
Dont get me wrong if anyone came to my door needing my help then im there 100%. But its the other bits i struggle with, the maintaining. Not sure if im getting across what i mean properly.
Does anyone relate? Is it another form of object constancy? Or am i just a selfish person who only cares about me.
:hug: I don't think you're a selfish person, who only cares about you; if that was true, you wouldn't care! So just posting this shows you are a caring, sensitive person.
I have no insight into object constancy - I either don't experience that or I'm in complete denial about it. But what you're describing "just" sounds like depression and low self-worth. I've heard that depression can mess with memory - that's certainly been true in my case. I'm taking an SSRI but when I don't, I feel exactly as you've described.
Depression also affects your energy levels, and maintaining a friendship takes a lot of energy.
Hi Sandstone - there's an article here about attachment disorder by Pete Walker that you might find useful - http://pete-walker.com/pdf/relationalHealingComplexPTSD.pdf.
Those with Complex PTSD-spawned attachment disorders never learn the communication skills that engender closeness and a sense of belonging. When it comes to relating, they are typically plagued by debilitating social anxiety, and social phobia when they are at the severe end of the continuum of PTSD. Many of the clients who come through my door have never had a safe enough relationship.
He then goes on to talk about finding a T who uses a relational approach which can provide the first "safe enough" relationship to learn about attaching to others.
Hope it's relevant :yes:
:hug: back at ya ThreeRoses.
I do care for people but it seems when they are not there i forget about them.
I take sertaline to help with anxiety. I would wake up every morning and drown in thoughts of where i went wrong the day before and how i should do more for people and what a bad person i am etc. Thankfully the meds help with that.
Iv had depression on and off since 15 tho i dont feel depressed at the moment, just anxiety.
I worry im totally cut off from feeling sometimes.
Hi kizzie, thanks for the link and yes that sounds like it. Iv never felt safe and i dont trust folk. That is the reason i went into therapy this time, to address my trust issues. Thats when i was told i had multiple trauma. Therapy has finished now so im ony own to work through it but i do have more tools and this place is invaluable.
Ah its a long process eh, im just at the start. Im sorry iv been posting lots on here today and i dont mean to take everyones time cos 'its all about me' sorry.
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But that's what the forum is here for! <3 :)
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