Other than you folks and my H and T of course, I haven't told anyone about having CPTSD. I was just working on a piece about how to talk to children about personality disorders over at OOTF and realized that while my H and I have talked to my son about PDs I have not told him about my CPTSD (he is 22 and has been away at university since I was diagnosed). I do plan to at some point but it got me to wondering if any of you have told your kids/family/friends, how you went about it and did/does it help with your recovery at all?
I have told many of my condition with mixed results. I suppose the secret was forced by legal action more than a conscious choice. I wish I could explain things better but I find that I am unable to supply an understanding.
I have talked to my T and my boyfriend and a few friends that I knew would understand about it. I told my dad too. Provided him with the link from OOTF. I actually got a very favorable response from him. One that I wasn't expecting at all. He's being very supportive. Although, I am still working through my feelings about him and having him in my life again. I was NC with him for five years, and sometimes, I'm still suspicious about how much he really is supportive about certain things or if it's just that he wants me to continue talking to him. *shrug*
Just my partner,and best friend because they have similar backgrounds and understand...and my T...
I would like to talk to my sister but am not very good at opening up with her. Not the best listener...
You guys, my h and my T (...well, she told me, actually ;)).
I was diagnosed with CPTSD 2 years ago but treated for PTSD 14 years ago. Back then, I had tried to talk to some people I thought I could trust about it - seeking validation, I guess - but it backfired (....knowing what I know now, I was surrounded by lots of Ns and fell for their fake sympathy act...). So this time, no way José!
I didn't tell my kids, either, but for different reasons: I want them to grow up and not have to feel responsible for my wellbeing. Growing up, figuering out who you are and what you want to be is hard enough without having to shoulder adult responsibilities at a young age, so I sought help from professionals and understanding from other grownups (h and you guys) instead.
Another trust buster...nothing bites like confiding in someone and then you hear "but, you know, you have that "thing"..."
That's why I don't tell people. My husband knows, and one friend, who listened and asked a few questions, but hasn't talked to me about it again (you know, to ask how I'm doing etc). Not a bad reaction, I know, but not really a very good one either. I think I'll just keep it to myself.
I've decided to come out in a big way this year. My husband and I sent out an e-mail last night letting about 15 friends know about my diagnosis of PTSD (my therapist agrees with the complex part, but obv. can't put that on the insurance forms) and so far we've had nothing but warm and loving responses.
I think that putting complex trauma in context for people takes a lot of intentional work. I'm happy to share the e-mail (with some details anonymized) if other folks are considering doing a coming out on that scale.
I'd be interested Milarepa, it helps to know how others go about telling people in their lives. I don't have too many I would tell actually, just my son and we're waiting until he's done school as he has more than enough on his plate and he doesn't really see/experience my symptoms so there's no need really.
Your mention of not claiming on the insurance forms piqued my interest. I'm going to start a thread in the Community Matters forum about what we want to tell others about CPTSD and in this case our medical insurance/government/medical community about well many things but in particular about getting CPTSD covered. Could you post a little about that in one of those threads? I'm not sure where exactly to start on that issue but I know it is a big one for the US and was/is for Australia too if that artist's site I posted is anything to go by.
About a month ago uNPDH told me he was going to commit me... :stars: :pissed: so I have not told anyone! I did tell roommate of daughters about my EF the other day though...
I wished I could tell him... after all he triggers me a lot!
These days, except for the forum, and others I know dealing with a similar situation, there is no one do I share my Journey to recovery with.
Badmemories, I am so sad you are dealing with a uNPDH. Threatening to commit ...gracious, isn't that straight out of the 1800s?! It makes me angry you are being threatened! :blowup:
Yeah, not safe to share.
Sorry to hear that your siblings and neighbours were not receptive BH :thumbdown: I guess it's the kind of info a lot of people don't quite know what to do with and don't know much about. I know after trying to tell people about my PD FOO and my own problems because of it I became quite gun shy after a complete lack of validation and in some cases having blame and guilt heaped on me.
Much of that has to do with not having the language before to tell others what we're going through or at least that was the case for me. The other part is that the impact of emotional abuse (which underlies all abuse imo - sexual and physical, and neglect) on children was and still is not common knowledge yet. It's also not a subject most societies want to deal with so it will be an uphill journey getting it more out in the open I think.
I know that you're quite concerned as am I about interrupting the cycle of abuse in future generations BH and I think we have the opportunity here to contribute much in that regard given we can clearly speak to the impact of childhood abuse and neglect, and to the importance of government/legal/medical/mental health professionals and society opening up about the issue and putting in place appropriate prevention and treatment options.
OK, climbing down off my soapbox now ;D
PS - On a personal level, I've started thnking about what I want to tell our son about my CPTSD thanks to everyone's input to this board and I think I will be ready when the time comes. Tks all :applause:
Excellent post, Kizzie.
You got me thinking on something I have often thought about in the last few years, that with the internet, children of today who are inside abusive homes look in the internet for what is happening to them ...at least some of them would.
This has me thinking about a deeper level email to my sis. She thinks she's fixed from ACoA counseling 30 years ago...nawt! ! Pete's book may be an excellent surprise gift.
Rain- great idea for discussion! Can you maybe start a thread in the "Community Matters" forum so we capture ideas/thoughts there? (something along the lines of "What do we want parents/children to know about abuse/neglect and CPTSD?" or "What can we do to be involved in preventing childhood abuse and neglect?).
GT - Now that would be quite the surprise Xmas gift lol. You just never know, she just might be open to some discussion about it.
When I first started coming out about my CPTSD I told my most trusted friends. My family had a habit of not believing me (because my Mom told everyone I'm schizophrenic and I'm not) so I only told some of them recently.
Most of my friends I've told weren't shocked, but we definitely connected more. It gave us both opportunities to share things about ourselves we've felt shameful about. It made my relationship with friends closer.
The first my family I've told about my CPTSD is my step dad. He really wanted to understand my symptoms, how my relationship with my family caused them, etc. He's always very supportive and lets me talk about whatever. He always reminds me that there is, "nothing wrong with me." Not in a way that disregards my experience, but he knows I spent many years waiting to turn schizophrenic so it's nice to hear that there isn't anything wrong with me...lol.
I also exhibit my artwork internationally so anyone who has seen my work and read my statements understands my struggle. Coming out publicly like that was terrifying. However, it helped me connect with so many people who have had similar experiences. The only bad backlash I got was from family because I was "embarrassing" them. This is how my Mom (my abuser) found out about my CPTSD. Of course she went into control and manipulate mode and would just repeat, "I find it very bizarre that you think a mother would do that to her child." I just told her after that I refuse to talk to her about it. Haven't talked to her about it since and don't really think it would be helpful or beneficial to do so.
I didn't know that! My Mom use to be a teacher at a psych hospital for kids. Terrifying, I know. She use to call me that when I would question her abusive behavior because I was "making it up." I am very fortunate though to have so many people I can call family. Sharing your story is so important.
Quote from: BeHea1thy on November 14, 2014, 03:13:47 PM
hello alovelycreature,
By the way, I've had several M.D.s tell me that 'schizophrenic' was a catch-all diagnosis at a certain time. I'm not sure whether you're Mom pulled this term out of a hat, or you were diagnosed. Either way, it's not true.
Quote from: alovelycreature on November 14, 2014, 10:26:14 PM
I didn't know that! My Mom use to be a teacher at a psych hospital for kids. Terrifying, I know.
Okay, if Steven King is trying to decide on a storyline for his next book, I think he has a winner in this one.
Your mother sounds like a horror story all in herself. Around KIDS ...and TEACHING in a PSYCH hospital.
How confusing for the kids in the hospital ...not to mention you, Lovely! :aaauuugh:
Anyone can get trained in Trauma Focused CBT for kids. It's free! I did the training. http://tfcbt.musc.edu/
I have some child trauma treatment therapy handouts/clinicians guide. Some are even good for adults, like the trigger tracking sheet.
https://app.box.com/s/7hct2i6phu8c7f6grloa
If kids are reporting abuse on a forum someone would have to attempt to call CPS, right? That could be bad not to report it...
Quote from: Rain on October 26, 2014, 08:45:18 PM
Hopefully, a professional can write the section for the kids as to how to understand their situation, and who they safely reach out to for help. Maybe some perspective that what they read at OOTS is adults recovering from what they current may be going through, and whatever else they would need to read. I don't know.
I told my H. He tries to understand but can't seem to. His family had its problems but overall is genuinely caring and loving. It is like this gives him blinders to grasp my struggles. I stopped telling him much because it is so complicated and hard to explain. Sometimes I feel like sharing something great with him but then I picture how complex the conversation would be to describe the situations leading up to a recent revelation that I don't bother.
This is why I am so happy to have found this forum. You all understand without needing to have the whole back story spelled out.
I stopped going to a T because she told me to write out my "story" but the next appointment she told me she hadn't read it.
Thank you BeHea1thy for thinking that I set limits. I think I was just uncomfortable venturing out into the world of therapy in the first place.