I found it strange that I'm feeling emotionally like walls are closing in around me. I have projected job responsibilities change, roommate change, substantial added personal life responsibility coming. Some of this I brought on, other change I would never ask for. I find it interesting that the only way I can describe my uncertainty is like walls are slowly closing in on me. Strangely, my scariest memory from childhood is hiding in a closet in the dark.
Doesn't sound strange to me, although I'm sure it feels that way. It makes sense that your scary childhood memory of being in a closet would be triggered by how you feel now.
Hi healingjourney, I completely understand where you are coming from and did not realize how to word it until I read your post. It seems as if no matter how happy or bad the circumstances are in my life that there are always moments when it feels as if the walls are closing in. It tends to hit me late at night and I suddenly feel as though I'm stuck, like my room or house is a prison and the walls are moving in. It feels as though if I do not go run or get out of wherever I am that I will scream and some emotional power will overcome me and take over. It is a scary feeling and I'm sorry you have to deal with it. I've found that one thing that helps me is that when I feel this way I refocus my attention on writing a letter to a friend that means a lot to me or writing down positive characteristics. That is personally what helps me though. I used to hide in closets and listen in as my parents argued and I felt completely helpless and as if everything bad was my fault. Maybe that's why I have this feeling, similar to how your scariest childhood memory is hiding in a closet in the dark. I'm not sure if any of this helped but I wanted to let you know that you are not alone. I'm here with you!
Quote from: Alice97 on May 26, 2016, 03:15:12 AM
Doesn't sound strange to me, although I'm sure it feels that way. It makes sense that your scary childhood memory of being in a closet would be triggered by how you feel now.
Thanks, Alice for your validation. I can get myself so backed into a corner when I feel lacking in choices or like I can't say NO. Fortunately, 2 out of 3 of these things have resolved themselves now. My friend helped me talk myself into saying NO to one of them, I faced one of the challenges head on, and I'm toiling uncomfortably in the third. Thanks!
Quote from: RadiatingLove on June 16, 2016, 02:53:27 AM
Hi healingjourney, I completely understand where you are coming from and did not realize how to word it until I read your post. It seems as if no matter how happy or bad the circumstances are in my life that there are always moments when it feels as if the walls are closing in. It tends to hit me late at night and I suddenly feel as though I'm stuck, like my room or house is a prison and the walls are moving in. It feels as though if I do not go run or get out of wherever I am that I will scream and some emotional power will overcome me and take over. It is a scary feeling and I'm sorry you have to deal with it. I've found that one thing that helps me is that when I feel this way I refocus my attention on writing a letter to a friend that means a lot to me or writing down positive characteristics. That is personally what helps me though. I used to hide in closets and listen in as my parents argued and I felt completely helpless and as if everything bad was my fault. Maybe that's why I have this feeling, similar to how your scariest childhood memory is hiding in a closet in the dark. I'm not sure if any of this helped but I wanted to let you know that you are not alone. I'm here with you!
*trigger warning*
yeah, my mom used to threaten that "they" were going to take me away because she wasn't mentally well. Those times were the worst. I will try what you're saying sometime. I honestly think the only times I'm not nervous is during workouts. Even during running I fear I'm going to run out of energy and then how am I going to get home? Or I worry that I won't last long enough so I want to turn back around- when walking back is clearly an option. This week I have little to worry about but I have chewed my nails and scratched my head until both are red. I'm not sure how my OCD works with my cPTSD but I'm pretty sure these behaviors are what I learned at a young age to calm myself down when I felt I had to do something to get comfort and the outcome was uncertain. It helped me do the thing and get through it. I would put myself through strenuous experiences to give myself peace of mind. And my OCD tendencies calmed me down so I could be effective. I used to do even crazier things like run across the room 30 times, but that ended when my parents intervened. I think I need to remind myself multiple times per day that things are going to be ok- I'm just beginning to learn how sensitive I am to my emotions. It's to the point I almost want to be medicated- don't know why I keep fighting this- medication feels like a death sentence. Thanks for your support.
I used to resist being medicated. I had many bad experiences on meds. It took years and many changes of doctors before I lucked out with a psychiatrist who knew his pharmacology. The meds I'm prescribed now do what they are supposed to do and have minimal side effects. I'm living with damage caused by meds from previous docs. Even if you choose not to go the meds route I highly recommend therapy, either group therapy of individual therapy. Keep up the exercise. It's been proven to improve mental as well as physical health.