I have found my tribe it seems. It is hard to summarize myself quickly but here goes...I found out I was adopted at 27 by accident. My adopted mother was a borderline personality but my father was a gem. I was married to a narcissistic man for the past 26 years. I left him 1 and a half years ago. He was atrocious and a clinical psychologist to boot. Gaslighting has been my life.
Almost all of the bullet points for complex trauma apply to how I feel about myself. I am currently getting help from a counsellor at the grief center where I live.
I am ashamed of my condition.
Kelleyd,
I think you did an excellent job with your introduction!
I'm new here as well and I have found the "tribe" to be just what I need. There is much to gain being a part of OOTS. I see a fellowship here that is supportive, encouraging and helpful - one of sharing strength and hope.
Here's a warm welcome to you!
Yes, you have found your tribe, Kellyd. Welcome to the site! I am so glad you found us. We all have complex trauma like you. This site is meant as a safe place for people like us to talk about the truth of our stories and to support each other as we deal with the world.
I also deal with overwhelming shame for being so horribly victimized and then seemingly stuck with the trauma of it all. Here we remind each other that these things were not our fault. I like Pete Walker's book, "CPTSD From Surviving to Thriving" because of its warm and compassionate discussion of cptsd by someone who has it himself.
Please make yourself at home here. You do not deserve that shame you still feel! You deserve respect and support, and you will find that here. Big hugs :hug: :hug: :hug:
Hi Kelleyd
Im sorry you are ashamed of your condition, i hope that will change here.
Its awful being ashamed for having a normal reaction to trauma, to something someone else did to us.
Cptsd is a reaction to trauma, but sometimes ,the things we do to survive such atrocities is very cleaver and noble.
You want to know why you are struggling so much. That is so great, something that abusers etc dont always want to know.
It is unfortunate that you were adopted to a family where your adopted mother had Bpd, perhaps your origional mother would have been similar, perhaps you are meant to find a better life path out of such pain...dont know if you believe in that.
But you are on this path, and you are brave to want to find answers.
I hope you like it here..... ;)
I really hope the counselling goes well.