Hello everyone,
The other day my mom asked me, for the millionth time, if I'll go back home to visit. (I live in a different country than my original family).
Usually I lie, I said IDK, maybe, well try or something like that to soften the blow (and the reactions from it).
But this time I could not do it. I could not betray the neglected child I once was. I answered "No." But my mom wanted a answer that would soothe her, so she then asked "But you WANT to come, right?"
Once again the immediate response I was trained to give, to always say yes, always soothe them, always protect their feelings, was not so inevitable now. Now I can say what is truth to myself. And I said it, my answer was "honestly, no."
I feel so free. And I feel so proud of myself for protecting my inner child.
My mom will ask again, eventually, and she'll try to get the answer she wants, she (and my grandma and my sister) might try to make me feel bad, or they might wait until I let my guard down to bombard me with their demands. But I know how possible it is to say what I want to say. And how good it feels to be myself.
Glad to share it with all of you.
:grouphug: